My hands stung from the cold wind blowing off Lake Michigan. Craig had me stacking boxes of mayonnaise onto pallets near the dock door. I glanced back at the clock across the warehouse, a quarter to three, I sighed, just over two hours left of my shift. I noticed that new kid Scott standing just outside the office talking to Craig. They shook hands and I overheard Craig say the word, congratulations. Scott had a cheese eating grin on his face. I shook my head, growled, and continued to stack the boxes faster, not looking up. There were footsteps coming towards me“Hi Travis.” It was Scott’s voice. At first I pretended not to hear, but slowly looked up and forced the words.

“Oh, Howdy, Scott.”

“Guess what! Craig just hired me. I’m a Blue Ribbon employee now! Isn’t it great?” he said beaming. I forced a smile.

“Good for you Scott.” I said being somewhat sarcastic. He smiled back exposing his perfect teeth, then strutted away whistling. “Damn it!” I said slinging a box forcefully onto the pallet hoping something might break.

I went back to stacking boxes, and worked up a sweat. I took off my toboggan and wiped my eyes when my friend Dave snuck up behind me.

“Travis… Travis did you hear?” he whispered.

“Hear what?” I said, not looking at him.

“I just heard that Scott got hired on to the company. I thought you were next in line to be hired?”

I scanned the area to see if Craig was anywhere around “Yeah, I heard.  I’ll never get hired because of this nepotism bull shit. Scott’s only been here a week. I knew, I just knew he was a friend of Craig, and he didn’t even put his time in here like the rest of us. It just ain’t fair.” I said scrunching my face.

“So what ‘er you gonna do about it?” Dave said, adjusting his glasses.

“Nothing much I can do. If I didn’t need the money so bad, I be walking outta here right now.”

“I can’t quit either,” Dave said.. “With a baby on the way, I have to work. I can’t get any benefits until I get hired on permanent.  Not sure how I’m going to handle the medical bills…Well I guess I better get back to work before Craig catches me. I thought I’d let you know,” Dave said patting me on the back.

I worked hard the rest of the day boxing up jars of mayonnaise and ketchup, and stacking them on pallets.  I usually get assigned all the mule work. When you’re a big paunchy dude like me, people think you’re an oaf.  Losing that job to Scott got me to feeling down on myself. All those years I spent in the army and where did it get me?  How could I expect to better myself when I keep going from one crappy temp job to the next? I’m just an aimless mess. “Fuck!” I said kicking a hole in one of the boxes of mayonnaise. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed and then placed the box on the pallet so that the hole couldn’t be seen.

Craig managed to avoid me all day. He was lucky. Any other day I’d be on my best behavior, but on that day,…uh uh. I might have said something that I’d regret later. I just wanted to go home and be left alone. By the end of the day, I migrated to the break room to punch out and noticed Dave by the door putting on his leather jacket.

“Hey Travis, want to head over to the pub and have a few beers before going home?” he said.

“Well…I don’t know. I smell like vinegar,” I said trying to make an excuse not to go.

“Oh so do I, but who cares. Ahhh come on,” Dave pleaded. “Be a pal.  Come have a few drinks. I can’t go home right now. I love Linda and all, but now that she’s pregnant, she can be a real bitch. I just can’t relax at home. She’s constantly asking me to do this and that and complains about being so fat and miserable. I just want to relax a bit before I go home and face all that crap. Come on! Be a buddy, I really need someone to talk to,” he begged.

I thought about it for a second and decided, maybe a friend is what I need as well. “Yeah, I guess I can, but only for one hour and then I’m going home.”

We walked briskly against a cold bitter wind towards Casey’s Pub. The last golden rays from a distant sun shone upon the grey frozen piles of slush that clung to the sides of the road and sidewalks. The place was fairly empty at 5 pm on a Tuesday. Dave and I grabbed a stool at the end of the bar.

A big bearish bartender approached us saying, “What’s your pleasure boys?”

Dave spoke up and said, “Give me a couple of Guinness’s Ollie.”

“Coming right up.”

“This one’s on me Travis,” Dave said.

He poured two dark ales. We took a few sips of beer and sat there for a while. I lit up a cigarette. I could tell Dave wanted to say something by way he was fidgeting with his glasses.

“I’m scared Travis,” he said staring straight ahead. “We didn’t want a kid  but she didn’t want an abortion either. Fuck!” Dave cupped his forehead in his hands and sighed. “I don’t know if I can provide for a kid. Linda’s always bitching at me to get a better job. When I first met her, the sex was fun. She said she was on the pill, so we weren’t worried about using condoms. Next thing you know she’s pregnant.  Now everybody expects me to do the right thing. Step up and be a man they say, but what does that fuckin’ mean?”

His face contorted like he was on the verge of tears.  I put my arm around his shoulder, “I’m sorry buddy, it must be rough to go through shit like that. I’ve been caught up in my own pity party lately.”

Dave turned towards me frowning, “Why? what’s wrong with you?

“Nothin’ really, just lonely I guess,” I said not revealing the entire truth.

“You should get out more. Maybe you can come over for dinner some night. Linda’s a really good cook,” he said excitedly.

“Uh, yeah maybe.”

“Linda works with a few hot single women, maybe I can set you up.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

“Hey just a suggestion. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about joining the army. I’m 23 years old and the only exciting thing I ever did was hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon on a school trip. The army might do me good, don’t you think?”  

“I don’t know Dave, when you’re in the army, you ain’t got no say. You do what you’re told to do, because you’re too scared not to.  I was scared of showing fear, or getting into trouble, so I was always on edge. I never really got any rest. There was plenty of exciting things to do, but I couldn’t enjoy myself. I thought the army would solve my problems, but it only postponed them. I ain’t going to tell you not to join, but think about how it would affect your new family. You’re going to be father whether you like it or not and if you do it right, who knows… it could be a great thing. If you join the army there’s a good possibility you could be killed and your kid would be without a dad. That’s something you should think about.”

He sat cradling his chin in his hand for a moment, then turned his head towards me.“Yeah, maybe you’re right…. Do you ever want to get married and start a family someday Travis?”

“Nah, I’m not the type of guy to settle down. Too set in my ways I guess.” I lied, but was afraid to reveal the dark secret I’d been hiding from the rest of the world. I hurt inside. Part of me wanted to tell him about losing the love of my life, but…

We finished our beers and Ollie eyed our drinks.

“You boys ready for another round?”

“No thanks Ollie, I need to be getting back home before Linda has a cow. She’s already gonna wonder what was taking me so long,” said Dave, handing him a twenty.

“Be right back with the change.”

“Thanks for coming here with me Travis. I know today wasn’t one of your better days. Fucking Craig screwed you over big time.”

“Yeah, oh well, the fuckin’ little weasel can rot in hell for all I care. I probably won’t be at this job much longer anyway. If I don’t quit, I imagine he’ll wind up firing me sooner or later.”

“Well I’m glad you’re still here. You’re my only friend at this job,” Dave said, grabbing my shoulder.

We got up and walked to the door waving bye to Ollie.  We stood outside of the bar rubbing our hands in the cold.

“Dave, I was just wondering…” I hesitated. I looked at Dave all jittery and nervous in a long drawn out pause. I was on the verge of telling him the truth.“Dave, I ummm,…”

He cocked his head and said, “What’s up?” but then his phone rang. He pulled it out of his jacket and said, “Damn, it’s Linda. I gotta take this. What was it you wanted to say Travis?”

The moment was gone, stolen away, I stood speechless. “Uhh I guess it can wait till tomorrow. Nothing important.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow Travis!”

“Yeah, later Dave.”

He turned and answered the phone. “Hey sweetie…Yeah, I had a couple of things to finish up here at work,…Yeah on my way home now. Love you too.”

His voice trailed off as I shuffled down the sidewalk in the opposite direction.  Jason was right to leave me. I was a coward for not telling Dave the truth. I was damaged goods.

I found a parking ticket on the windshield of my old red truck. “Fuck! God damn it! Second ticket this month,” I said, punching the door. I wadded the ticket and tossed it into the passenger seat. I drove home feeling sorry for myself. Why’d he have to leave me? He said he still loved me, but said it just wasn’t enough. It was enough for me though. For the last two months since the breakup, I tried to continue on as if nothing happened. Tears formed in my eyes. I thought of suicide. Jumping off a bridge would be more dramatic, and pills might be less painful, but the fear of dying, or people finding me days later from the stench made me reconsider. The idea haunted me and I felt its romantic pull.

Suddenly out of the corner of my eye, a crow swooped low. I slammed on the brakes barely avoiding a speeding driver who had just ran a red light as I entered the intersection. I blasted my horn. “You fuckin asshole!” I yelled, flipping him the bird. “Crazy fuckin town. Everybody’s always in a big ass hurry,” I said, breathing heavy.

I wiped the tears from my eyes as I pulled into the driveway. Coming home to my empty apartment sucked. Jason took most of his things with him when he left except for a blanket, and a few odds and ends that he didn’t bother to take and a picture of the two of us on the beach. I came to cherish the items he left behind like I was preserving his ghost. I got out of the truck and walked over to the mail slot. I opened the little brass door with my key and it was stuffed full of junk mail. I almost tossed the entire pile into the recycle bin when I noticed some official envelope addressed to me. I wondered who it was from. It had a Kentucky return address and I guessed it had something to do with family or school.

As I walked in the door, I kicked off my shoes, letting them fly across the room and laid the envelope down on the TV set. I took off my clothes and tossed them on the back of the chair. I grabbed my weed and , a bag of Doritos and plopped down in my old reclining chair in front of the TV. The weatherman said it would be cold and damp with a chance of snow. I rolled my eyes and sighed. After taking a toke from my pipe, I reached for the envelope, tore it open, and pulled out an official looking letter. I didn’t understand the legal writing, but could tell it had something to do with my uncle Andy, and that I was heir to some type of property. I had no idea Andy had settled down, let alone had any property. As I read further I came to a sentence that made me gasp.  

“I hereby leave my entire estate to my nephew, Travis McAllister.”  I remember meeting him as a child, but that wasn’t often. My parents rarely talked about him. I always wondered why he and Dad never got along. There was no reason why he would want to leave me anything. I only met him a couple of times. The last time I saw him alive was the night he was on shore leave at my grandfather’s house  almost 17 years ago, a few weeks before my upcoming marriage to my childhood sweetheart Kimberly Jenkins.

Andy was nearly the same age as me, a tall, dark haired, handsome guy, sporting a crew cut. All the extended family had come to catch a rare glimpse of the enigma everyone knew as Andy. He entertained the entire family by telling of his adventures to far off lands that he had seen two or three times over, or so he claimed.

I remember Kimberly being so excited about our upcoming marriage,  gabbing on and on about all the details. My mom, Mamaw McAllister, and aunt Bettie seemed all too delighted to add their ideas to this wedding dream. I just smiled and nodded, looking over from the couch ever so often to confirm that I was paying attention. Beneath the smile I remember feeling trapped and surrendered to the notion that this was just the way it had to be.

My dad and Papaw seemed more interested in watching TV than hearing about who would be coming to the wedding and the color of the bride’s maid’s gowns.

I slunk out the back door to smoke a cigarette. It was a hot and humid night, thick with the smell of honeysuckle, chirping crickets, lightning bugs and pesky mosquitoes. I fumbled through the darkness and sat down in one of Ma’maws wrought iron chairs. I heard a noise, turned and saw a large figure walking towards me saying, “Mind if I join you?”

I told him I had to get out of there because Kimberly and Mom gabbed on and on about a dumb ceremony and I was tired of hearing about it. He just sat back and shook his head. I pulled out a pack of Marlboro reds and offered one to Andy.

“Thanks…so what does your dad think about your smoking?”

“Ain’t nothing much he can say bout it now that I’m eighteen. He just tells me not to smoke in the house.”

“I started smoking when I was a kid too and your papaw whooped my ass a few times, but it didn’t do any good. They just finally had to accept that I was eventually gonna do what I wanted to do.” I flicked on my lighter and lit a cigarette and then handed it to Andy.

Andy took a big puff and exhaled, “It’s so strange coming back home being the prodigal son and all. Your papaw’s a good man but he’s strict and expects people to believe a certain way, but I ain’t like him. We’re like oil and water. But your dad…Well Jim’s a lot like old Paps. Always was his favorite.”

“I know they love you uncle Andy. Mamaw talks about you a lot.”  

“Yeah, I know she does, but she also wants to keep the peace. The longer I stay, the sooner the arguments start. Oh well,”  he sighed taking another puff. “So you all excited about getting married? Kimberly is a very pretty girl and she seems to like you a lot.”

“I guess so. She’s really pretty and my parents love her to death. We’ve known each other forever, and it was always assumed that we’d get married someday. Everyone seems so excited about us getting married.” Andy turned his head sideways and looked right at me with one eyebrow raised high. “You guess so? Okay, let me ask you this. Are you getting married to please yourself, or are you getting married to please everyone else? I won’t judge you either way. I don’t live here, but I do know how my family works. You just make sure you really love this girl. Plans can be broken, presents can be returned, but if you get married for the wrong reasons, it will be much harder once you are married.”

Andy took another big puff and looked at me again but this time with his eyes wide open and with a small gasp, and then a whisper. “She ain’t  pregnant is she?”

I gasped and said, “Hell no, we haven’t even had sex yet”

“You’re kidding me, right?  I never understood the reason for waiting until after you got married before you have sex. Seems to me like you would want to take a test drive to see if you like it first. That whole Christian, waiting to have sex after you get married idea, always seems like a crock of shit to me, but who am I to judge. Listen Travis, I know this isn’t my place to butt in, but I would hate to see a good kid like you jumping into something for the wrong reasons. You just make sure that if you decide to marry this girl, it is for all the right reasons. That is the last I’m going to say. You think about what I said.”

Andy smoked his cigarette down to the stub and had been staring off into the fields watching the lightning bugs. We sat in silence for a long while and Andy said, “Glad it finally cooled off some, but I gotta get back inside. These skeeters are eating me alive.”  

I sighed remembering that little snippet from long ago and settled back down into the chair wondering what I should do. I never considered moving back to Kentucky for so many reasons, yet the possibility was suddenly very real.

The next morning I decided to finish out the week. I didn’t care so much for the job, but I did have a sense of loyalty, or perhaps it was guilt. I could sure use the money since jobs were hard to come by. I decided it was best not to tell anyone because if Craig found out, he would give me shit about not giving him a two week notice. Friday would be my last day.

The next day at work I was lost in thought. I kept going through the motions, but my mind was elsewhere. I usually kept a blank stare as I worked, but today I caught myself smiling from time to time. I wondered what Jason would think if he knew I inherited a farm. Oh well, I guess he’ll never know. I wondered if anyone would miss me. I didn’t stay anywhere long enough to establish any really close friends, except Dave. My plan was to act normal until Friday, then quietly pack up and leave like a thief in the night.

Craig caught me staring off into space and said, “Watch what you’re doing Travis!  We don’t pay you be slackin’.”

“Sorry Craig. Won’t happen again.” I mumbled. Craig put his hands on his waist and cocked his head slightly. He reminded me of some cartoon beaver with dark thick hair, a bad overbite, and big thick black goggles strapped to his skull with a wide black band. He wasn’t a handsome man by any means, and was probably used to being put down, but now that he had a little power, it had gone to his head. He marched off, but kept looking back to see if he could catch me slacking in any way. The job was boring. Watching glass bottles clicking and dinging on a moving track to be filled, bottled, and boxed in quick order. My job was to see that the bottles got lined up with the nozzle that would dispense the vinegar. Easy enough, but you had to be alert to broken bottles or ones that have fallen over. I got back to the task at hand and felt a smile creep back across my face.

At lunchtime I walked in the break room and found Dave sitting by the window smiling. I planned to tell him that I was moving back home.

“Hey Dave, looks like you’re in a good mood.”

“Yeah, I feel good after that talk we had last night. I told Linda how I felt and now things are really cool between us. I think things are going to be okay.”

“That’s great! I have something I want to tell you.”

“Me too, Linda had an ultrasound done yesterday and she found out that we’re gonna have a boy! I’m so happy. I’m sorry, what were you gonna say Travis?”

“Oh, oh nothing really. I’ll tell you later.” I said not wanting to spoil his good mood.

The next day I planned to break the news to him during lunch, but when I got the break room, he wasn’t around. I asked Craig if he’d seen Dave and he told me that he left early because he wasn’t feeling good. I sat alone staring out the window at the dreary skies. I should have told him yesterday I thought. I spent the rest of the day working quietly, not saying a word to anyone and feeling blue.  

By Friday morning, everything I owned was packed up in boxes by the front door and the rest was given to Goodwill. I didn’t own much since the apartment was already furnished with cheap furniture. I basically slept on a broken old futon. When I drove to work that morning I noticed that Dave wasn’t there again. He’d called in sick. I went to the office and asked Craig if he could give me Dave’s address and phone number, but he just cocked his head and said, “What? We don’t keep that kind of information about temp workers. You’ll just have to ask him yourself if he shows up Monday morning.”

No one else knew where Dave lived or had his number. It turned out to be a busy rushed day and time sped by fast.  At the end of the day I got a pen and paper from Craig’s desk and wrote Dave a quick note.

Dave,

I was hoping that you would have been at work today. I wanted to let you know what a good friend you are to me and that I’m so sorry to have to say goodbye in a letter. Please forgive me. Something came up and I’m leaving the job and driving to Kentucky. I guess I’m not so good with goodbyes. I wanted to say goodbye in person, but this will have to do. Goodbye Dave and best wishes for you and your family.

Your friend,

Travis.

I wanted to say goodbye to a few people on my last day, but I got asked to empty the trash and by the time I got back, the last of my co workers had already headed home for the weekend.  No grand exit, just a quiet unceremonious walk out the front door to my truck never to see this place again. Adios Windy City.