After visiting Kentucky for exactly a week, I was both heartbroken and overjoyed. I found a new understanding and love for my family. My friendship had strengthened between Arnie, Cindy and I. My reunions with Cody and Jeff was both sad and disappointing. Only one major mystery remained. I needed to know if Buddy had been adopted. I was hesitant to go to the animal shelter for fear that Buddy would have been put down.

I drove the rental car to Lexington and stopped at the pound. I met a young woman at the desk and asked if they had come across a dog recently, a shepherd, lab mix named Buddy. She nodded yes.

“I remember that dog. He was here about two months ago. A very sweet dog.” She let out a heavy sigh, “I had considered adopting him myself, but I have too many dogs as it is,” she said.

“Do you remember what happened to him?” I said.

“Yeah, seems like he got adopted by an odd man who appeared homeless. Normally we try to make sure these dogs are going to a good home, but since Buddy was scheduled to be put down the next day and the man presented the required money for the adoption, we just couldn’t say no.”

“Do you know who this man was?”

“Yes, I can find it right here in our records,” said the woman opening a file cabinet. “Yes, he was adopted by a man named Ben Fisher.”

My jaw dropped. “Ben Fisher? Do you have an address?” I said excitedly.

The address led me to an old condemned building. I waded through the trash and pushed open a broken door. The room had a couple of sleeping bags lying on the floor and empty bottles of booze lying about.

“Hello! Is anyone here?” I called out.

I heard a dog barking in another room. Then a voice trying to shush the dog. I walked into the other room and saw Buddy being held by a man that resembled Ben. His teeth looked rotten and he had not shaved in a while. His clothes were dirty and he stunk.

“Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me. I’ll be going,” he said gathering his stuff.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” I said with my hands up.

“You’re not? Who are you then?” he said cocking his head.

“Ben Fisher, I’m Travis.” I tried to shake his hand, but Buddy growled.

“I’m Benji. Why are you looking for me? What did I do wrong?”

“You did nothing wrong. The animal shelter gave me this address. I just wanted to make sure Buddy has a good home.”

“You’re not going to take him away from me are you? He’s all I got.”

“No, I wanted to thank you for rescuing him from the pound. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, the mission don’t open their doors until five.”

“Would you and Buddy like to stay in a motel for the night so you can take a nice hot shower and sleep in a cozy bed? I can get some food and bring back to you.”

He looked at me suspiciously, “Why you doing this?”

“I just want to help.”

“Can you get a bag of dog food, also?

Benji and Buddy followed me to the rental car and I drove them to a nearby motel for the night. I realized that this man was nothing like the Ben that I remembered. This Ben was thin, had bad teeth and long greasy dark brown hair. While Benji was taking a shower, I went to a grocery across the street and bought enough deli food to feed the three of us, and a big bag of dog food. By the time I got back Ben was lying on the bed with Buddy watching TV. As we were eating I noticed how much he looked like the Ben I knew.

“Benji, where are you from? Do you have any family that can help you?”

“I grew up in Paintsville, Kentucky. When I was seventeen, my parents made me go stay in Eastern State for five years.”

“What is Eastern State?”

“That’s the nut house where they keep crazy people. They diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I hated it there. I begged my dad to get me out and when I was 22, I was released to the custody of my parents.”

“How come you didn’t stay there?”

“Cause they kept saying they was gonna take me back cause I wasn’t taking my medicine. I was getting drunk with my friends and getting in trouble with the law. I just decided one day to just up and leave. Been gone ever since.”

“Do you take medicine now for the schizophrenia?”

“Yeah, I try to, but not all the time. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, but I gotta do it to keep out of trouble.”

What made you decide to adopt Buddy?”

“The crows, the crows told me to. Said I needed to get a dog named Buddy. Buddy will protect me.”

“Oh yeah, do the crows talk to you a lot?

“Sometimes”

“What else do the crows tell you to do?”

“All sorts of crazy stuff.  My doctor says it’s not real, but it feels real to me.”

I stayed and talked for nearly an hour. I finally decided it was time to leave, and as I was saying goodbye, Benji said the crows had a message for me. He whispered in my ear.

“The road to Oz is paved in sorrow. Follow the yellow brick road.”

I thought it was an odd thing to say, but shook his hand goodbye, patted Buddy on the head and walked out the door thinking he was in good hands.

As I rode back to Millersburg happy in the knowledge that Buddy was at least alive, I wondered what were the odds that Benji of all people would be the one to rescue him? Call me crazy, but it seemed like divine intervention.

It was overcast and starting to drizzle when I pulled in front of the Millersburg Market. I wanted to tell Arnie my good news. A tall older woman with her dark hair pulled into a tight bun with a little ratty terrier was walking towards me. She stopped to look in her purse when a squirrel caught the eye of her dog. It broke loose and darted across traffic towards the park across the street.

“Toto, come back!” she screamed.

I reacted and chased the dog to the park, but it saw me and ran, dragging its leash towards the train tracks near the Coal and Lumber Company. I finally caught up to it and grabbed the leash. The older woman caught up with me and thanked me for catching her dog.

I stood oddly looking at the train tracks. Something caught my eye. Someone had defaced a railroad crossing sign and drew an O and Z in the empty top and bottom spaces. I walked up to the tracks and found an arrow spray painted on the ties in yellow pointing east. I thought about the message Benji whispered in my ear.

I turned east and followed the tracks through the edge of town. I continued my walk past Judyville and then past the last farm house on the right. The tracks took a turn around a bend into mostly farmland where no houses could be seen. It was this desolate spot where I used to sit and think so many years ago as a kid. On one of the railroad ties someone had spray painted the name Travis in yellow. I thought that was odd. I remembered that it was on one of these posts that Ben claimed he had taken the form of a crow. I had an idea and I walked over to the fence post. I noticed that there was something small and metallic beneath my feet. I found a small rusted metal box covered by the tall grass. I opened it and found a note wrapped in a plastic baggie and a silver ring made in the image of a skull. I opened the baggie and read the note.

“If you have come this far seeking me out

Your journey is in vain, but…

if you seek a way back home, follow

down the path of the yellow brick road.

There are three tasks you must complete

One of forgiveness, hope, and charity.

First you must deliver forgiveness.

Find Rodger and tell him that you’ve a message from Eveline Green

“She knows what happened in the barn…and she forgives you.”

Hand him a cigar box filled with fresh green grass

and on it place a big rusty nail

Tell him that, “she said it must stop.”

Next is an act of charity.

Empty your bank account, and seal it all in an envelope.

Find Bill who walks the train tracks

Give him the skull ring and tell him that it doesn’t make him invisible.

Then hand him the envelope and tell him to give it to his mother.

Finally you are to deliver a message of hope.

Go to downtown Louisville and find the Kroger’s.

Stand in Bettie’s checkout line and say…

“Berea is nice this time of year.”

Give her a picture of a lighthouse, include the words,

“I’m sorry for your pain. Hope things get better.”

Drop exactly 49 cents on the counter.

Smile, leave and don’t look back, no matter what she says.

Once these things are put into motion,

there is no turning back.

Walk in faith.”

I read the note and felt even more confused. What a bizarre note. Is this meant for me or someone else? I’m not someone who acts upon faith. Do certain actions have specific reactions? Did Ben leave this for me? I was convinced that I’d lived the year before, but now I was left with a difficult choice. Do I want to go back? I now have a relationship with my dad. I have a renewed friendship with Dave from work, and here my uncle Andy is alive and well and my aunt Debbie doesn’t hate me. Yet Suzanne and the kids are not safe, Jeff is not interested in me, but he is alive. Cody is alone and miserable in the old folks home and Ethel is long dead. Buddy is alive but not mine. In my other life I own a farm, I have a family and friends. It was something I needed to think about.

That night, I laid in bed at aunt Debbie’s house wondering what  I should do. I was torn. The note never said when I should do any of this. Perhaps I could wait for years. My flight back to Chicago was just in three days. I could always come back here to visit.

Tuesday May 8

The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. Aunt Debbie had made a big breakfast and I walked downstairs and saw Eddie in his overalls eating his usual huge plate of food.

“Morning, Travis. You best sit down and start eatin’ before Eddie eats it all,” said Debbie.

Eddie turned to see me standing there, “He, he, you know better than that, Mom always makes plenty for all of us,” he said stuffing his face with a smile.

I sat down and Aunt Debbie fixed me a huge plate of eggs, sausage, bacon, biscuits, gravy, pancakes, and maple syrup. then she poured me a huge glass of milk.

“Eat up Travis. We really have plenty.”

Eddie pushed his plate away and sat back patting his huge belly. “I’m stuffed. I think I’ll lie down a bit before I go to town and buy them salt licks.”

“What are you going to do today Travis?” Aunt Debbie asked as she was washing the pans.

“I was thinking about visiting some old friends from high school, but I could help Eddie if he wants help.”

“Nah, it only takes one person to get the salt, plus I plan to see some friends afterwards,” said Eddie buttoning his overalls.

“Travis, you’ve been very helpful since you’ve been here. I didn’t realize how good of a farm hand you are. You should visit us more often.” Debbie said, patting me on the shoulder.

“Is it a girlfriend, Travis?” Eddie said smiling.

“Who are you talking about?” I said

“The friend from high school that you’re meeting?” he said grinning. “Is it a girl?”

“Well one of them’s a girl, but she’s married with a kid.”

“Ah okay. Well you guys fun. I need to get my ass outta here,” said Eddie bounding out the door.

Things were going so nice here at Aunt Debbie’s house. They were treating me like a normal guy, I thought. I didn’t want them to know I was gay. I didn’t want the fantasy to end.

After breakfast I got in my rental car and drove out to see Cindy and Arnie. When I knocked on the door Arnie answered and said that Suzanne just called and said that Rodger got drunk again and hit Hank and smacked him pretty hard.

“Did she call the police?” I asked.

“No, she’s scared and doesn’t want to make things worse,” said Cindy crying.

“Well he’ll just wind up killing them if we don’t do something,” I said.

“What can you do? She’s had him arrested before and he just gets out and beats her up more.”

Without thinking I said, “I know what I can do.”

“Travis, wait! You might make things worse,” Cindy said.

”Don’t worry, I don’t plan to fight him or call the police. I’m not going to do anything crazy.”

I walked back to my car and thought about the note. In just a week from now Rodger will beat her again and put her in the hospital. I don’t have a farm and she doesn’t have a place to escape to. I need to act now. I drove to to a branch of my bank in Paris, and withdrew the majority of my savings account and put it in an envelope.

Then I drove to a smoke shop and asked a tall thin man behind the counter if he had any old cigar boxes. He scratched his head.

“My goodness, I haven’t been asked for a cigar box in many years. What do you want with a cigar box, young man?”

“My nephew wanted one for a school project,” I said, making up another lie.

“I think I might be able to find one in the back.” He came back a few seconds later. “Will this one do?” he said holding a King Edward cigar box.

“Yes, that will do just fine. How much do I owe you?”

“Ahh, it is free. I have plenty.”

I thanked him and went to the car and sat there staring at the box for the longest time. Am I really going to do this? I felt somewhat foolish as I sat wondering if I should continue. I made up my mind and drove out of town till I came to an old rickety barn in the country. I parked the car off the road and snuck inside. I needed a big rusty nail.  It didn’t take long to find one nailed into a wall. I wiggled it loose until finally came free. It was a huge nail and very rusty. I gathered a handful of green grass and made a bit of a nest and laid the nail in the middle. I wasn’t sure what this was supposed to accomplish, but some intuition told me that it was the right thing to do.

I drove to Rodger’s house and knocked on the door. Hank answered and I asked for Rodger. I felt very nervous. I was afraid he might attack me, or think this was some sort of joke.

Rodger came to the door and stood there in his dirty tank top and shorts. “Yeah, what do you want?” he grumbled standing there big and menacing.

I held up the cigar box and said, “Eveline Green says she knows what happened in the barn,…and she forgives you.”

I was expecting him to get angry and was ready to run, but when I said the words his face dropped. He looked scared. “She wanted you to have this. She said it must stop.” I handed him the cigar box and he opened it. His eyes got big and he dropped the box. He didn’t say a word, but turned and walked back inside and sat down on the couch. I watched as he put his hands over his head and started to rock back and forth. I turned and walked back to my car. I drove away wondering what I’d just done. Who was Eveline Green and what could have happened in a barn? It just felt so bizarre, but it seemed like I had set into motion some chain of events.

As I was driving towards the west end of Millersburg, I saw Bill shuffling down the road. I pulled over up the road a bit towards the direction Bill was walking. I got out of the car as he walked past and said, “Hi Bill, Did you lose this?”

He gave me a curious look. “Dat’s my ring. I lost it long time ago,” he said smiling.

“So who’s your favorite wrestler?” I said trying to make conversation.

At that moment his eyes lit up and he became very talkative. “I like Hulk Hogan. Did you see him last night on TV?” He said and continued on and on. I had hit upon a topic that made him animated.

Finally I said, “Bill, the skull ring doesn’t make you invisible.”

“It don’t?” He looked a bit disappointed.

“No it doesn’t”

“Okay.”  

I pulled out the envelope and said, “Bill, this is for your mom. Would you give this to her.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Thanks for talking to me Bill.”

He took the envelope and stuck it in his pocket. He started walking down the road and I said, “Bye Bill.”

He looked back and said, “Bye Travis.”

I was shocked. “How do you know my name?”

“I don’t know. Is Ben comin’ back?” he said continuing on his walk.

“When did you see Ben?” I said wondering how he knew Ben or myself.

“I don’t know. I just said it.”

I parked my car by the bridge where the old store used to be and walked down to the muddy bank of Hinkston Creek. I sat down in the shade of some of the old Sycamore trees that leaned out towards the water. It was peaceful and quiet except for the sound of the traffic passing over the bridge. I used to jokingly call Christians foolish because of their blind faith, yet here I was, behaving in the exact same way. I felt like such a hypocrite. I wanted to hide here in the shade and be the ostrich. Pretend to myself that it didn’t happen. I placed my palms on my forehead and sighed. I watched as a small crawdad slowly moved across silt in the shallow pool near my feet. I tried to imagine the simple life as a fish. Just eat, poop and try to keep from being eaten. “Why can’t I do that? This is a good life. I have my family who loves me now, and great friends like Dave and possibly Arnie and it feels like I’m throwing it all away.” I found a stick and poked at the water watching the ripples. One small action of hitting the water causes ripples that move outward in waves affecting everything.

“Maybe it’s not so bad,” I thought. Worst case scenario is that they’ll think I’m a little crazy. And my dad would let me borrow some money. I didn’t hurt anybody. I just showed Rodger a box with a nail in it. He probably just thinks I’m a nut. He probably just had a good laugh over it with friends.” I convinced myself that what I had done wasn’t so bad after all and I could salvage all this.   

I drove into downtown Millersburg, parked in front of the Post office and walked up the stairs to Arnie and Cindy’s apartment. I knocked on the door and Arnie answered looking a bit worried.

“Travis, what did you do?”

“What do you mean?” I said.

“I mean that something happened to Rodger today. Hank said that some man showed up at the door and wanted to talk to Rodger. Suzanne said that Rodger got all quiet, then broke down and started crying. He’s in the hospital. They say he tried to kill himself. What did you say to him?”

“All I did was give him a cigar box with a nail in it and told him that Eveline Green says she knows what happened in the barn.”

Arnie looked shocked and I saw Cindy’s mouth drop open. “Travis, how do you know Eveline Green?” Cindy said all excited.

“Actually, I don’t know her at all. I was given a message to tell that to Rodger.”

“What message?  Back in the late eighties or early nineties there was this girl Eveline Green and she went missing from Paris high school on her prom night. All they found was a broken shoe. Her body was never found.  It was all over the news. Who gave you the message Travis?” said Cindy.

“Well… that’s hard to explain. I found the note in a metal box on the railroad tracks. It was a set of instructions.”

“Instructions? From who, Travis?” asked Arnie, all worried.

“From a man who’s not supposed to exist. A man that was my best friend and who was dating Suzanne in another lifetime.”

“So if he doesn’t exist, how did he leave you the box?” said Cindy.

“I don’t know how to explain it. His name was Ben. That’s all I can say. He had an encounter with Rodger during the Blackberry festival and all I know is that whatever Ben said to Rodger, it scared him to death.”

“Travis, you know if the police find out about this, they’re going to ask you questions. If you’re really from another timeline, it’s going to be hard to explain yourself or this Ben person who’s not supposed to exist to the authorities. Did anyone else hear you talking about Eveline Green?” said Cindy.

“Yeah, I suppose Hank and Suzanne might have heard me.”

“Well if they happen to tell the police, then they’ll be looking for you.”

“Ughh” I said shaking my head and putting my hands in my pockets.

“What are you planning to do Travis?” Cindy said.

“I don’t know yet. I gotta go think,” I said.

I left their apartment and as I was walking back to the car, I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. “What did I just say to Arnie? How was I going to explain a mysterious note about a missing woman presumed to be dead? How was I going to explain suddenly withdrawing all that money? I also couldn’t tell them about Ben Fisher, when the real Ben Fisher is innocent and is taking care of Buddy. I felt a bit of a panic coming over me.

As I drove back towards Debbie’s house, I pulled over at a little gas station in Ruddles Mills. I thought about the note. Something was set in motion that was beyond me. I needed to complete the last task and meet this woman in Louisville. First I called Aunt Debbie from a pay phone telling her that I would not be back there tonight because I would be staying the night with a friend. Then I  called my dad’s number. I wasn’t for sure what to say.

“Hello? Travis is that you?” my dad said surprised.

“Yeah Dad, It’s me.”

“You okay, son?”

“Yeah, things are fine. Just checking in. Been meeting old friends. Debbie, Beau and my cousins are fine.”

“They been treating you well?”

“Actually yeah, Beau can be a bit much, but things are fine. Heading to see another friend tonight. How are things in Phoenix?”

“Same old stuff. Been playing a bit of golf and still seeing Carla.”

“That’s good. Well I guess I should let you go and get back to driving. Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, son. Bye.”

As I hung up the phone I wondered if I should have said more to my dad. It made me cry.

I got back in my rental car and headed towards Paris, then west towards Georgetown and planned to take highway 460 all the way to Louisville. It was just over a hundred mile drive. I blasted the radio as I drove. I started to cry thinking about those I was leaving behind. Faith doesn’t come easy for me, and yet here I was following the instructions written on a note that made absolutely no sense. But somehow it made perfect sense in some bizarre way, and I ran with it, rushing towards an uncertain future.

I arrived in Louisville around 5:30 that afternoon. It was muggy, hot and the sky was hazy. The downtown area seemed dirty and gritty. It took me three stops at a few convenience stores before I found a postcard at a 7-11 with a picture of a lighthouse. It was odd that my change was exactly 49 cents. I opened the card and wrote, “I am sorry for your pain. I hope things get better,” and drew a little heart.

I found the Kroger’s on 2nd Ave. I found the parking lot full of cars, so I parked across the street near some seedy motel. I got out, walked across the street, and stood in the parking lot reading the note again. I took a deep breath and walked inside. I was nervous and shaking as I entered the door. The place was busy and I noticed a lot of homeless people hung out here. I tried to imagine who this woman could be. I walked around the store first and decided to buy a candy bar. I saw a young male employee walking past me and asked, “Hey do you know if Bettie is working today?”

“Oh yeah, I think she’s in the express checkout lane.”

“Thanks, I said looking towards the front of the store. I noticed the express lane had a very long line and there behind the counter was a short, chunky, middle-aged woman with auburn hair and fair skin looking tired and worn out. I stood at the back of her line and waited my turn. Later, the tall fat black woman in front of me was being rude and wanted to argue over the price of a case of soda.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but this is the posted price of the sodas,” said the cashier.

“Listen bitch, I just saw the price listed on a sign back there and it said it was on sale for 2 bucks,” the rude woman said raising her voice.

“No ma’am, that sign hasn’t been up for over a week. That sale is over,” the cashier said.

“You calling me a liar!” said the black woman wagging her finger at Bettie.

I interrupted and said, “You don’t need to be rude to the woman. She didn’t set the prices.”

The woman whipped around staring at me wide eyed and shaking her big head side to side saying, “Who the fuck are you! Butt out, you bastard!”

“I think you best just pay your money before I call that security guard over,” I said.

She turned and looked at the cashier, “Oh, fuck this shit!” She tossed the carton of sodas on the floor and stormed off towards the door waddling in her short skirt and high heels. “Fuck this place!”  

The fat security guard walked over to the express line and said, “What is the problem?”

I spoke up and said, “That crazy lady wanted to argue over the price of the carton of sodas, but she didn’t want to believe the sale was over.”

The older black woman behind me said, “Yeah, she was just trying to scam you on the price. I can’t believe some people like that.”

“Yeah, that was crazy,” I said laughing. I noticed that the cashier was smiling a bit.

“Thanks, people try to do stuff like that all the time here,” the cashier said. I laid the Milky Way on the counter and she said, “That will be 75 cents please.”

As she was getting my change for the dollar, I said, “Berea is nice this time of year, Isn’t it?”

She handed me the quarter, and the receipt. “Wow, you’ve been to Berea before?” she said excitedly.

I smiled and handed her the postcard, dropping the 49 cents on the counter. As she was trying to pick up the loose change, I walked briskly towards the door not looking back. I exited the store and turned to the right towards my rental car parked across the road. As I was crossing the road I heard a voice yelling,

“Hey sir, you dropped your change!”

I hesitated for just a second and started to look back…

Something hit me unexpectedly quick and hard. I could hear yelling and the honking of a horn. “Call 9-1-1.” I felt the heat of the pavement and a warm wetness pooling beneath me.

“Hold on, buddy. We called an ambulance. Hold on,” a male voice said checking the pulse in my neck.

I tried to speak and said, “Nine eleven, nine eleven.”

“We called 9-1-1. Just hold on,” a man said.

“New York the planes gonna…” I couldn’t get the words out. My throat was filling with blood.

“What is he saying?” I heard a female voice say.

“I can’t get a pulse. Hold on buddy!” someone said holding my hand.

In another life, I remember feeling the same terror until I was seduced by the cold silent embrace of death. It held me now in its bony arms beckoning me to let go.  I thought about the note Ben left for me under the post and smiled thinking of his reference the yellow brick road. There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…There’s no place like home…Then it got dark…