The pilot announced that we’d be making our descent. I’d become anxious of flying since Alaska flight 261 had crashed and sank into the ocean last year. All through the army I’d thought nothing of flying, but something about that crash changed me. Our plane jerked and bumped as we hit a pocket of turbulence. I gripped the armrests tightly and tried to appear calm. I let out a sigh of relief once the plane touched down and slowed to a crawl driving towards the terminal.

An older woman sitting beside me said, “I see you hate landings as much as I do,” making the sign of the cross and sighing. I just smiled and nodded yes.

People grabbed their carry ons, but I hesitated. The anxiety of meeting my Aunt Debbie and her family terrified me. I slowly took my bag from the overhead compartment and departed the plane dead last. Just inside the terminal Aunt Debbie stood beside my enormous cousin Eddie. She was dressed in a bright yellow pants suit and red heels waving and flapping like Big Bird. Eddie wore dirty bib overalls and a John Deere ball cap smiled and shrugged his shoulders.  Debbie ran towards me with open arms and a big toothy smile. My first reaction was to recoil, but she seemed genuinely glad to see me.

“Oh my god Travis, my how you’ve grown!” She gave me a big hug with her bologna like arms.

“Howdy Aunt Debbie, Nice to see you again after all these years.”

“Travis I don’t know if you remember Eddie. He was just a little kid when you joined the army, but look how big he’s grown.”

Indeed he has, I thought as Eddie blushed and extended his big plump hand, “Hi Travis.”

“You must be tired and hungry. I got a big dinner waiting for you back home. Let’s go get your bags. So tell me, what have you been up to all these years? You have a girlfriend?” she babbled on eagerly.

As we walked towards the baggage claim area, she kept up the small talk. Eddie kept quiet except for an occasional grunt or moan.  Thankfully I realized that in this reality, my parents had decided not to tell the rest of the family that I was gay. Lucky for me, Aunt Debbie assumed I was straight. I’d never seen this friendly, loving side of her before. She actually seemed quite pleasant.

At the baggage claim area, I mentioned needing to stop by the car rental places.  Aunt Debbie assured me that they could either drive me to where I wanted to go or else I could borrow one of their cars. I didn’t feel comfortable with that answer and explained that I might decide to stay a night or two with friends. Debbie said that she would have Eddie drive me  back to the airport if I really needed to go and successfully talked me into waiting.

We rode back in Eddie’s truck, a huge monstrosity with jacked up wheels. I cringed when I saw the Bush Cheney sticker on the bumper. Aunt Debbie married into money and they didn’t mind advertising it. I had to actually climb up to get to the door. The inside of Eddie’s truck was roomy with a shotgun rack in the back of the cab. Eddie plopped his ample ass down into the soft leather seat and struggled to put on the seat belt. Despite the extra room, I sat wedged between Eddie and Debbie’s moist warm bulk. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a can of Copenhagen dipping tobacco. He took a three fingered scoop of chew and shoved it between his teeth and bottom lip.

He mumbled and offered the can to me, “You wa ah dip?”

I fastened my seatbelt and said, “No thanks.”

“See what I put up with Travis. Eddie’s going to ruin his teeth with that nasty stuff, but I can’t tell this boy anything. What girl would want to kiss a boy with a mouth that smells like a sewer?” said aunt Debbie.

Eddie rolled his eyes and started the truck, revving the motor. “Fuck, girls don’t mind me dippin’. Hell I know lots of girls that dip themselves,” he mumbled.

“Well I just think it’s a disgusting habit,” she said shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“Ehhh fuck it,” Eddie said pulling out into traffic and spitting into a McDonald’s cup.

“Travis I’ve talked to your Dad all these years, but he never told me why y’all had a falling out. I know you guys are talking now, but what happened?” said Aunt Debbie.

Eddie perked up when she asked me that. “I guess they never approved of me breaking my engagement and joining the army, but I think it had more to do with Jimmy getting drowned.”

Debbie put her hand to her mouth. “Oh my! That must have been so hard for you.”

Eddie looked puzzled, “Who’s Jimmy?”

“Jimmy was your cousin, Travis’s older brother who drowned at Lake Carnico back before you was ever born. It must have been a horrible thing for your parents to go through, losing a child that young.” She sat silent for a moment not knowing what to say. “Well I’m so glad that Jim is finally talking to you again Travis. It was a big shame that it went on this long.”

Suddenly Eddie turned off the road and pulled into Wendy’s.

“What the hell are you doing Eddie? We got food ready at home waiting,” said Debbie.

“Well I’m hungry now,” he said patting his belly.

“You’re going to ruin your appetite,” Debbie said.

“Nah, I’ll eat this and have dinner too. Watch me. I do it all the time.”

He pulled up to the window and ordered two burgers, large fries, a large coke. When he was finished Debbie spoke up and said she wanted large fries and a diet coke.

Eddie looked at me and said, “What about you Travis? My treat.”

“I thought y’all said you had food waiting.”

Eddie turned to me and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah but…You want something or not?”

I smiled and said, “Sure, what about a single burger and small fries?”

On the way back to their farm I listened to how Debbie would criticize Eddie’s driving or his tobacco use and how he seemed to ignore her. It seemed as if they both enjoyed the bickering.

Debbie looked at me and said, “Travis, tell us what you have been up to all these years. Jim said you’d been in the Gulf War. So what was that like?”

Like always I had little bits of stories well rehearsed. Eddie seemed a bit interested in my stories then he asked me a question that caught me off guard.

“So, why would anyone want to join the army? Couldn’t you have found something better that didn’t involve killing or maybe getting killed?”

I really couldn’t think of a good answer and said, “At the time I thought it was a good idea to maybe serve my country and see the world.”

Eddie shoved the last burger in his mouth, and reached for another pinch of Copenhagen, “Oh fuck that! I wouldn’t do it. There are easier ways to see the world. So did the war fuck you up?”

Debbie snapped at him. “Eddie, don’t be rude. Travis volunteered to serve this country. That’s something to be proud of.”

“I don’t mind Aunt Debbie. Sometimes I wonder if I’d been better off doing something else. I think the main reason I stayed in the army was because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and they take care of you with a place to stay and three meals a day.”

Eddie turned and said, “What was the food like?”

“When I was back in the barracks the food was pretty good. Kinda like cafeteria food. But when we were out in the field we got MREs. Food sealed in blown plastic like crackers, cheese spread, and some main meal that you squeeze out. I never quite liked it, but we ate it.”

Eddie said, “No thanks.”

Aunt Debbie lived just north of Paris on the Cynthiana road near some of the more famous horse farms. Eddie turned into the driveway that led to a big house not far off the road. As we pulled up, there were four other vehicles parked there, two huge truck one red and a silver one , a silver Cadillac and a blue Honda. Eddie parked the truck beside the others.

“Looks like Beau’s home. I guess he’ll be wanting his supper,” said Debbie.

I felt a bit uneasy. I grabbed my things and followed them to the front door. As we walked in, I was pounced upon by a big shaggy grey terrier.

“Get down! Go lay down Kermit!” said Debbie smacking at him in the head with her purse.

Then I heard a harsh deep voice yelling.

“Get over here you stupid mutt!” At that moment the dog looked back and slunk away.

“Hey Beau, guess who I got with me?” said aunt Debbie.  

Uncle Bubba looked massive as he sat in a leather reclining chair watching a big screen TV. He pulled his bulk up and stood facing me. Tall and quite rotund he wore a powder blue suit and tie. His puffy cheeks were flushed bright red and what was left of his hair was greying on the side.

“Come on in Travis let me get a look at you boy! You filled out a lot since I last saw you,” he said in a deep gruff voice. He walked over and extended his plump freckled hand to shake. He gripped my hand tightly and squeezed as if he were trying to show me his strength. He let go and motioned me towards the couch. “Sit down and take a load off. Debbie is supper ready yet?”

“Yes Beau, it’s all done. All I need to do is warm it up a bit,” she yelled back from the kitchen.

I sat down on the couch across from Bubba who was watching FOX news. It felt strange to be in their home after that last encounter with him that left me mad and frustrated, yet I had to keep in mind that these were not quite the same people that I remembered. Debbie rushed around in the kitchen while everyone else sat in the TV room. I asked Debbie if she needed help, but Bubba stopped me.

“Sit Travis, your Aunt Debbie has it under control.”

Bubba asked me a few simple questions about myself then started a long rant about himself and his possessions. As I listened to Bubba talk, I saw a man who needed to impress me with his things. He gave me a tour of his house. He took me out to see his three wheeled motor bikes, his RV camper, then he showed me his collection of rare comic books. There was something child-like in his need to show me his things as if they were an extension of himself.

Debbie yelled out that supper was ready. Bubba looked up excitedly.

“Bout damned time. Let’s get washed up,” he said struggling to get up from the chair.

I followed Bubba to the bathroom and as he bent to wash his hands I noticed the rolls of fat on the back of his neck and the crack of his ass spilled out from the top of his slacks.  Once in the dining room we sat down and Debbie placed big bowls of food on the table.

“I hope you like pigs in a blanket,” she said pulling out a tray from the oven full of hot dogs surrounded in bacon and dough.

“Oh hell yeah,” Eddie said piling his plate with five of them.

She’d prepared a feast and I’d just eaten a burger and fries. I took a couple of them and some of the green beans and salad. I watched as Eddie and uncle Bubba piled their plates high.

“Now don’t be shy about getting more, we have plenty of food,” Aunt Debbie said putting two more of the hot dogs on my plate.

I was amazed at the amount of food that these people could eat. Eddie sat beside me in overalls that strained tight at the seams. By the time dinner was over, I felt uncomfortably stuffed. Uncle Bubba asked about dessert. Debbie went to the oven and pulled out a freshly baked pecan pie.

“I hope you saved some room for dessert,” Debbie smiled holding the pan up to my face.

I tried politely to say I was full, but Debbie insisted that I try a big piece with vanilla ice cream. After I managed to finish the pie, I followed them into the TV room where I fell into a food coma. I realized that if I were to eat like this everyday, I would soon balloon to the size of my relatives.

I was exhausted from the flight and went to bed early. Debbie put me up in Bubba Jr’s old room. The guest bed was big and cozy. I slept very well that night.

                     Tuesday, May 1 2001

The next morning someone knocked on my door. I rolled over pretending I didn’t hear anything. I heard the knocking again and then my door opened.

“Travis, Mom sent me up here to tell you that breakfast is ready,” said Eddie munching on a piece of bacon. He was shirtless, his big hairy belly and plump chest spilling out from overalls unable to contain it all.

“Ahh I’m not sure if I feel hungry,” I said

“Listen Travis, Mom will just send me back up here. Might as well come on down now. She always makes a big ass breakfast.”

“Okay, I’ll be right down.”

Eddie smiled and trudged down the stairs creaking under his weight. I got up out of bed thinking I didn’t want to do anything to get on the bad side of these people. I remembered how awful we felt towards each other before, and yet they were being so nice to me now. It felt so bizarre that we didn’t share the same memories of each other.

I put my clothes on and rushed downstairs towards the dining room. Uncle Bubba sat at the head of the table reading the paper wearing grey slacks and white dress shirt. The buttons on his shirt seemed to be straining at the seams. Eddie looked up from eating and motioned for me to sit down beside him. I felt a certain attraction to the way he looked. Eddie for the most part was probably more muscle than he was fat, unlike Uncle Bubba who looked to be the same height, probably outweighed him by a hundred pounds.

Eddie’s plate was piled high with eggs, bacon, grits, gravy and biscuits. And Uncle Bubba’s plate was empty as he sat there reading the paper.

“Sit down Travis. Don’t be shy around here. We have plenty of food so get as much as you want. If you don’t eat it, either the dogs or the pigs will get the leftovers.”

I sat down and Aunt Debbie dished up some scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits and gravy on to my plate.

“There is always more where this came from,” She said as she filled her own plate and sat down with us.

After finishing all that was on my plate, Debbie talked me into eating more. I felt overly full and somewhat uncomfortable and satisfied at the same time. Uncle Bubba got up and dropped his pen on the floor. As he bent over to pick it up I heard an audible rip.

“Oh god damn it!” he grumbled.

“What’s wrong honey?” Debbie said jumping up to help.

“Oh fuck. I ripped the seat out of my pants,” he said grumbling and trying to observe the damage.

Eddie started to snicker.

“Deb, can you find me another pair of pants real fast. I don’t want to be late for work,” Bubba yelled in a gruff voice.

I watched as she sped towards the bedroom. She came back holding a black pair of pants.

“Dammit Debbie, I can’t wear those. I already wore them three times this week. What about my beige slacks?”

“Let me go look. I think they’re in wash.”

She came back with a big pink pair of pants in her hand. “Uhhh I think I found your pants, but they aren’t beige anymore.”

Bubba saw the pants Debbie held in her hands and said, “Those better not be my beige pants!”

“I’m afraid so. Eddie did you put your red sweater in with your dad’s laundry?”

He stopped eating and looked over at his dad and said, “Uhh, I slipped and fell yesterday and got pig crap on my sweater, so I tossed it in the laundry. So what?”

“Eddie, How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t wash that sweater in with your dad’s clothes. That red sweater bleeds on everything,” Debbie said nagging.

“God Dammit God Dammit! I can’t wear a pair of pink pants to work. Only fuckin’ faggots wear that sorta shit! Fuck Fuck Fuck!”

“Well I guess it’s either these or the black ones. You outgrew all the other ones. Maybe it’s time you went on a diet.”

“Oh fuck that shit!” he said storming out of the room.

I tried not to laugh. It seemed funny but also a bit sad. For the first time I saw Uncle Bubba as a frustrated kid and Debbie seemed more like his mother than a wife.

Debbie somehow calmed Bubba down and talked him into wearing his black slacks again. Eddie asked me if I would mind helping him with his chores. I agreed and got up from the table before Debbie could talk me into eating more. Eddie seemed proud of his job on the farm. He showed me his pigs, chickens, and a garden that he was raising. Eddie named all his pigs and he told me that he found it hard to kill them for food. Later he asked me to hand him tools as he tried to fix his tractor. As he worked, he told me that his parents fought a lot. He said that his mom was getting tired of Bubba’s temper. Apparently she told Eddie that she had considered divorce years ago, but stayed with him only because of their kids.

I spent the entire morning helping Eddie around the farm. I understood that he was somewhat spoiled. He grew up seeing his dad treating his mom like a servant. That was the thing I realized about the south. There were many men who grew up thinking that a man’s job was to bring home the money and that the duty of wives were to do all the work around the house. It was an old fashioned way that gave men a sense of privilege. I think Eddie was feeling some guilt after his mom had confided in him about the way she felt. I also found Eddie quite likable and handsome. After we ate lunch, Eddie drove me back to Lexington so I could rent a car.