It was a cold November afternoon the day I went over to Ben’s house to watch the world series between the Yankees and the Diamondbacks. Most of the colorful leaves had fallen and were scattered all over Ben’s lawn. There were snow flurries throughout the day and the ground was wet and muddy; not a day to be outside. We sat watching the game getting wasted on Jack Daniels and pot. Ben and Suzanne had broken up almost a week ago. I could tell that he was upset because he was normally calm and happy, but this particular day Ben seemed sad and somewhat grumpy. It was an amazing game, and ended with the Diamondbacks winning, but Ben seemed elsewhere.

“Hey. Wanna watch some football?” I said trying to cheer him up.

“Yeah, sure,” Ben said hunched over with his head cradled in his hands.

I flipped through the channels and stopped at some channel where Jerry Falwell was blaming gays and liberals for 9-11.

“Damned crooked bastards! They’re nothing but an abomination. These types of Christians are so fucked up,” Ben said slinging a pillow at the TV set. “So embarrassing. Can we watch something else?”

“Uhh, sure. Are you okay Ben?”

He sat up from being deep in thought, “Yeah, I guess I had a lot on my mind lately. I miss being with Suzanne.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know if there’s anything to say. She said that she needs to have time away to think and she wouldn’t give me a reason why. I thought that we were doing fine. Has she said anything to you?” he said searching my eyes.

“I do know that she’s very fond of you and so are the kids, but…”

“But what? Did I say or do anything to upset her? Did it have anything to do with that Randy guy at the Pizza Hut?” he pleaded.

“No, it wasn’t anything you did or said and I don’t think Suzanne knows anything about Randy. I think it’s more about what you didn’t say.”

“So what’s that supposed to mean?” he said defensively.

“Well I think it has to do with your mysterious nature. I think at first that was a big turn on for her. You know, the handsome, dark, mysterious stranger type that women tend to fall for. I think you’re too much of a mystery for her right now. I mean Suzanne’s been through a number of relationships since her husband died in that construction accident, and all of them ended badly.”

“Does she think I’m like those other guys?”

“No Ben, not at all. She told me that you were the best thing to happen to her in a long time. She’s probably thinking that you’re too good to be true.”

“Then why would she leave me?”

“I think it probably has something to do with trust. She doesn’t know much of anything about your past and I don’t either, but that doesn’t matter to me. She’s been asking me questions about you that I don’t have answers for.”  

There was a far away look in Ben’s eyes again as he stared out the window. “Well, I really don’t like to dwell on the past. Did she say anything else?”

“Not in so many words. I think she just wants assurance that she can be safe with you. Women want to know things about family history, how they get along with their relatives, previous sexual history, debt history, whether you have a criminal background, important stuff like that. At this point I think Suzanne’s just afraid of surprises.”

Ben sighed and seemed a bit more relieved. “Yeah, you’re right Travis. That seems reasonable to me also. Some things are just hard for me to talk about.”

“I understand, I’m here if you ever feel like talking. It wasn’t easy for me to come out to you about being gay. I was afraid of what you’d think of me.”  

Ben turned and gave me a hug. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me Travis. You’re a true friend.”

Ben got up and grabbed the bong. “Another hit?”

“No thanks,” I said as I waved my hand and shook my head no. “I’m so wasted.” He took a big hit and then poured more Jack Daniels in his glass and downed it. There was a football game playing but we seemed to ignore it as Ben began to rant about 9-11 again. He took another drink and looked out the window.

“I’m so sick of the evil built upon lies and greed. The Vietnam War, the broken treaties of the native Americans, slavery, the Drug War, you name it. Reminds me of a story that happened a long time ago.”

“What are you talking about?” I said with interest.

“There was once a young fisherman who lived in a village on the coast of a great sea. His people had been conquered the great Roman Empire. One day he rowed his boat out into the open waters and encountered a huge storm that swamped his boat. As he clung to the sinking wreckage, tired and cold, he cried out in despair, “Oh lord, help me!” As the rain pounded and the thunder roared, a great fish appeared near some of the floating debris. It raised its head above the waves and the man was afraid. The man cried out, “please don’t eat me!” The great fish did not eat him but spoke saying, “Please tell me about yourself.”  The man so shocked to hear a fish speak, told the fish about his life story of what it was like to be a man, living on dry land, his loves, his family and friends. He spoke until cold and exhaustion overcame him, then he sank quietly beneath the waves.

Weeks and then months went by and the people presumed he had drowned at sea or so they thought. Then one day the young man was spotted in another town. His friends and family were happy to learn that he did not drown as they first thought, but they noticed that he was different. He couldn’t remember much if anything from his past, but he began to speak out against the empire and the corrupt government of his own people. He drew great crowds and tried to rally the common people peacefully against the empire. This man wanted to help the people using his special gifts. At first he performed simple magical tricks to get their attention, but soon he was transforming one substance into another, healing the sick, levitating, and calming storms. Word got out about this strange man and people traveled from miles around to be healed.”

“Is this some sort of fairytale that you heard Ben? I like it so far,”I said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“It’s okay. Anyway this man developed a close friendship with a small group of men in his village. He divulged his secrets about his special abilities and shared his unusual gifts. He explained how their bodies could be healed, their lives extended, and how they could become immortal by taking communion, which meant physically drinking his blood or eating pieces of his flesh. Naturally they doubted his claim of having special abilities, but eager to prove he wasn’t lying, he took them to the tomb of a friend who had recently died and brought him back from decay. All who saw this were amazed. To further prove his abilities, he led them to a cave in the side of a mountain where he transformed into another creature right before their eyes.”

I took another hit of the bong and said, “What did this dude turn into?”

“For a few minutes he changed into his true form of a glowing gas.”

I shook my head no. “Is this a story about some sort of alien?”

“Yeah, I suppose you could say that. Well, the man thought he was doing good you know, traveling about the countryside healing the sick and helping the people overcome their hardships. He even openly mocked the power of the Roman Empire pissing off authority figures up until abominations started to appear.”

“Abominations? Like what sort of abominations are you talking about? Like birth defects?” I said excitedly.

“Much worse I’m afraid. This man’s blood not only had the power to heal the sick, but when it came into contact with the dead, they would resurrect into some sort of hungry demonic creature capable of spreading a plague from person to person. Luckily it happened in very isolated areas and the man and his friends were able to contain and destroy the abominations before they could spread to the general population. However once the government authorities got wind of this, the man realized all too late that he’d gotten in way over his head. The man was not only seen as a threat to the empire, but as a threat to humanity. They decided to arrest him, but the man thought it was a perfect opportunity to fake his death and move on without drawing more attention to himself. He voluntarily came to town, to be arrested after his best friend turned him into the authorities. He was beaten and executed by being nailed to a cross. To everyone he appeared to be dead and was buried in a tomb. Everything went according to the plan except that the rest of his friends betrayed him by telling the people that this man was not really dead at all, but had escaped death. They wanted him to remain with them to continue to receive the communion and heal the sick. The man, heart broken by their betrayal, decided he had to leave them.”

“This sounds very similar to the Jesus story, but way different. Where’d you hear this version?”

“I’ll get to that later. But back to the story. The man knew he couldn’t stay. Those closest to him always begged for miracles, and it was always for good reasons, but the blood was just too dangerous to be left in the hands of mortal men. You remember watching the old Star Trek episodes where one of the worst things they could do was violate the prime directive of non-interference? Well it was kinda like that. The man realized that instead of helping mankind, perhaps he might be doing them more harm in the long run. He said farewell to his family, his close friends and the woman he’d fallen in love with. He climbed to the top of a hillside and transformed himself into a crow and flew high into the clouds. They all assumed that he flew to heaven in the clouds, but instead lived as a crow for a time, then he flew to the edge of the sea and transformed himself back into a great fish with his ancient names of Leviathan or Matsyavatara. There on the bottom of the sea, he wept and waited for his memory to be erased from human history.   

“Wow, that’s a bizarre story Ben. How’d you come up with this stuff?”  I said still buzzing from all the pot I’d smoked.

“Travis, what I’m trying to tell you is that the man I was talking about is me.” Ben had a serious look upon his face waiting for an answer. I felt a sense of shock and awe.

“Are you trying to tell me that you think you’re an alien Jesus? Damn, Ben, you had me going for a minute. I must say that you tell some great stories. Seriously, that one was by far the best.”  

Ben shook his head and had a sad hurt look on his face when I said that. He knew I didn’t believe him.

“Believe what you want, but it’s the truth,” he said taking a big gulp of Jack Daniels. I wanted to believe him, but the story was just too outrageous. Then I thought of that piece of dead wood sprouting roots, the bottle of bleach, the insistence of wearing condoms with Suzanne and the strange magical dances I had with him. It all oddly was starting to make sense.

“So you’re telling the truth when you said you didn’t remember that Randy guy at the Pizza Hut?”

“He was a friend to the real Ben Fisher. I’d never met him before.”

“So why did you come back to live as a human, and why come here of all places?”

“I’ve seen the future. Somehow an abomination will start here and spread like a plague. I came to prevent that scenario from happening.”

Ben waited for my reaction and sighed, “Just forget what I said. I’m drunk and really stoned. I like to tell stories when I’m like this.”

“I want to believe you Ben, it’s just so bizarre. Feels like I’ve been losing my mind. I’ve been having blackouts where I kept meeting a woman named Cassandra in some other world and seeing ghosts. The doctor can’t explain why I’m having this problem. He thinks it’s probably all part of my PTSD. I keep seeing things that don’t exist. Maybe I’m becoming schizophrenic.”  

Ben put his hand on my shoulder and looked in my eyes.“How do you know stuff like that doesn’t exist? Wonder if it is all true. Do you believe in things beyond this world?”

“Yeah maybe, but demons, ghosts, and an immortal possum? And you as some Jesus type of alien nudist who comes back to stop a zombie plague? You gotta admit what that sounds like. You’re nothing like the Jesus that those religious lunatics describe, as they run around spouting all that anti-gay stuff. You’re too good for that.”

“Thanks Travis, that means a lot to me. The Jesus written in the Bible claims to be God. I would never make such a claim, nor am I the messiah the Jews were expecting. My story’s much older than that. Perhaps it would be a good idea if I didn’t drink so much. Just forget what I said, okay?”

“Sure Ben. I don’t care about your past, seriously dude, I just care about the person I know you to be right now. You’re my best friend, you saved my dog’s life and for that I will always be grateful.” I reached over and poured myself another Jack Daniel’s and Coke. “I think I want to get really drunk.” I stared at Ben in my drunken stoned state. My mind was tripping. The idea of me getting drunk and stoned with the Christ, the Christian lord and savior was too bizarre, but part of my mind wondered if it were true. The idea scared me and made me feel a bit paranoid as the pot sought out the dark places in my mind. I had to admit, Ben was not a normal acting guy. Perhaps he was not quite sane, but then, neither was I.

                     Monday November 5

The next day I was stripping tobacco with one of Cody’s friends, a 60 year old guy wearing overalls and a green John Deere cap named Shane Farrow who lived just a few farms away. It was a cold overcast day outside and were were in this warm stripping room with a small pot bellied stove keeping us warm. The rich smell of tobacco filled the air. Adam Farrow, Shane’s oldest son, a tall lean man nearly my age, wore a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap, and dipped Scoal. He grabbed a stalk of tobacco and pulled off the lower more golden colored leaves and put them in a pile in front of him. He handed the stalk to me as I pulled off the redder, less valuable leaves from the middle and placed them in a pile. I then handed the stalk to Shane who pulled off the smaller top lower grade brownish green tobacco leaves, put it in a pile and tossed the bare stalk into a wheel barrow. His small radio played country music on some local station. These guys seemed to be really nice. Shane seemed to be a bit of a jokester. He was prone to telling dirty jokes and acting silly to get us to laugh. His son Adam was slightly more reserved but would crack a smile every now and then when his dad would act the fool.

We talked about different subjects from sports, to politics and even a bit about religion. From what I gathered, Shane was closer to being a weak Christian at best and a liberal.  Adam tended to be a bit more conservative and a true believer. I learned that he was married with three children. They had no idea about my sexuality and I let them assume I was straight.

The subject of religion came up and then I said, “So if Jesus were to come back, what do you think it would be like?”

Adam looked over at me and said, “When Jesus returns he will come back to Earth in all his glory. He will be preceded by angels and trumpets blaring and the entire world will know that he is here. It says in the Bible that the living and the dead shall be judged and that Jesus will set up his kingdom here on Earth and he shall rule for eternity.”

“Well do you think maybe he might come back a bit more quietly or maybe just hanging out just seeing what’s up?” I said.

Adam looked at me shaking his head, “No Travis, the Bible doesn’t say anything like that. When he comes back, it will be a worldwide event.”

I heard Shane mumble something, “Ain’t no such a thing. I think it’s just made up shit ta sceer people. It’s always Jesus this and Jesus that. He and his mom got all religious on me when dis new preacher came to town. I ain’t never really believed all dat stuff and minded my own bidness til my wife started in on pestern me to go ta church.”

Adam looked over at Shane and said, “Momma’s only trying to keep you from going to Hell, dad. He turned to me and said, “You go to church, don’t you, Travis?”

“No, not me. I believe that faith is a private thing.”

“But you believe in God don’t you?” said Adam.

I thought for a minute and said, “I’m not sure what I believe anymore. I’ve seen lots of strange unusual things that I can’t explain. So do you think it’s possible that Jesus might be here already?”

Adam scratched his beard and said, “The Bible does say that he shall come as a thief in the night, so I suppose it’s possible he could be walking among us.”

“How do you think he would view the world these days?” I said.

“He would most likely be pissed and only the righteous will be saved. That’s when the end of the world is coming, Travis. So why are you asking all these questions? You thinking about wanting to go back to church again?”

I looked at Adam and started shaking my head, “Oh no! I was just curious.”

Shane tossed an empty stalk in the discard pile and said, “I think I’m ready for a smoke.” He looked over at me and said, “You wanna join me?”

We walked out in the cold standing beside the barn door. Shane leaned again the side and cupped his hands around the lighter then took a puff and handed me the lighter. “Damn Travis, you just had to start talkin’ ‘bout religion and now that boy’ll be yappin all day about Jesus. I thought it be a good time for a break. Maybe he’ll forget about it once we git back inside.”