“God damn it!” I said, slamming the phone on the hook. “Arghhhh!” I shook my fist and stamped my feet. I gritted my teeth and wanted to hit something. “God damn it!” I stormed out of the living room heading for the stairs when Mom came towards me from the kitchen.

“What’s going on in here?” she said.

I turned and sighed, “Patrick promised to come by and we were going to hang out at his house, shoot hoops, but now he says he ain’t coming.”

“I’m sorry, Honey. I can drive you somewhere if you want.”

“Nah, there’s just nothing to do around here and nobody to hang out with,” I said, snapping back.

“What about Hank? You used to play with him. We could buy a basketball hoop so you could practice right here,” said Mom, raising her eyebrow.

“Forget it,” I said letting out a heavy sigh, “I’m sorry, it’s just that I miss my friends from school and I can’t just walk next door and see them. Patrick drives all the time. If I had a job, I could get a car and drive too.”

“Maybe you could get some work with the local farmers. You can ask Travis if he knows of anybody that’s looking for workers. And you know that I still plan to teach you how to drive once I get the car back from the shop,” she said.

I rolled my eyes, ran up the stairs to my room and shut the door. It was hot, so I turned on the small electric fan and plopped face down on my bed. I laid there for a few minutes. The cool air felt good. I reached up under the mattress and pulled out my porn, then  walked to the door and locked it. It was nice having my own room and privacy again. I didn’t have that living with Roger and he always tried to catch me jerking off. I think he just wanted to embarrass me.

After jerking off to pictures of hot women playing with themselves in my magazine, I cleaned up. I liked that my bedroom was right across from the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door and flexed in front of the mirror. I think my arms and chest looked kinda muscular. I’d been doing push ups and pull ups pretty regularly. I smiled and winked at myself. I liked the way I looked. I had one zit on my chin, it looked red and swollen, but nothing like the one’s Hank had all over his face. I felt lucky to have escaped that curse.

I left the bathroom and heard Travis talking to my mom. He said he was going to the Millersburg Coal and Lumber Company to pick up some supplies for the bathroom remodeling project. I’d been avoiding Travis since I moved here because I thought he was just another one of Mom’s boyfriends, but Travis was different. They weren’t sleeping together. He really was just a friend to my Mom and he’d been a soldier. Just yesterday I felt a new respect for him after he stood up to his mean, fat-ass uncle. Suddenly I wanted to ride along. I wanted to go somewhere and maybe I could talk Travis into showing me how to drive his truck.

I was only wearing jeans, so I threw on a T-shirt, sneakers and ran down the stairs. Travis was walking to his truck when I got to the door and stood on the porch with my hands in my pockets. I cocked my head and bit my lip.

“Uhhh…Travis. Do you think I can ride to town with you?”

He turned and smiled. “Uh, yeah I suppose. I’m just going to Millersburg to pick up a few things. It’s okay with me if you go, as long as your mom is okay with it,” he said.

I was surprised he said yes. “Will you wait till I ask Mom?”

“Sure, just hurry up,” he said.

I ran inside, flung open the screen door and yelled, “Mom!…Hey mom can I ride to town with Travis? He’s leaving right now. Can I go?”

“Did he say it was okay?”she said.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have asked you if he didn’t.”

“It’s fine with me then,” she said.

I ran back to the truck, opened the door and plopped down in the seat. I was a little nervous and tapped my foot on the floor. Travis glanced over at me and told me to put on my seat belt. I observed as Travis started the car, pushed in the clutch and shifted gears.

As we got near the gate, he looked over at me and asked me why I was so excited to go to town. I couldn’t look at him and stared at my feet, and fidgeted with my fingers.

“Uh well, I was just wondering since I was 17 and most of my friends can drive. I was thinking maybe you could teach me how to drive? I’ve been studying my drivers manual and I’m hoping to take the written test this week so I can get my driving permit. Mom keeps saying she’ll teach me but she’s either too busy or her car’s broke. So I was wondering if you could teach me,” I said. There was a silence and I couldn’t look him in the face. I held my head down.

“Sure, I don’t see why not. As long as it’s okay with your mom.” I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back and said, “Did you think I’d say no?”

“I didn’t know. I ain’t exactly been very nice to you since I moved in. But you ain’t like the other guys Mom hooks up with. I’m sorry how I was acting around you,” I said.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m just good friends with your mom and wanted to help. I figured that you kids had been through a lot and I don’t blame you for being suspicious of your mom’s boyfriends,” he said. That made me feel a lot better. Travis seemed like a good man.

At the end of the driveway, Travis peeled out onto the road.

“I’ll tell you what. When we get back from town, I’ll show you how to work the clutch and you can drive around in the field. Hell, if you want, I can even show you how to drive a tractor.”

“Really?” I sat up straight in the seat. “That would be so cool! Maybe this summer I can find a job, so I can buy my own car.” I found myself smiling. I rolled down the window and stuck my arm out playing in the wind. “Can I turn on the radio?” I said.  

“Sure go for it.”

I found some techno music that Patrick introduced me to. I  tapped my foot to the beat. I  wished that Travis and my mom would hook up. The thought made me smile.

We drove through narrow country roads towards Millersburg, listening to some popular dance music. It was hot and so humid that the trees in the distance looked blue through the haze. The grasshoppers were really loud. I was happy and nodding my head along with the music.

“So how do you like living here on the farm?” he said.  

“It’s okay I guess. I just wish I lived closer to my friends and I miss being able to shoot hoops,” I said.

“You know, we can always buy a basketball hoop and nail it up on the side of the barn. It shouldn’t cost too much and maybe pave a little spot below it. Would you like that?”

“Wow, that would be great!” I said smiling. Rodger would never do that. “So what was the army like?”

“Well, I loved the guys I served with. I loved the food, running early in the morning and singing cadence with all the other guys. I wouldn’t trade that part for anything in the world, but I hated the war. I hated inspections. I hated always being told what to do and not having the freedom to do what I wanted. I hated seeing my buddies getting hurt. I hated seeing Iraqi kids younger than you getting hurt and killed. There were some officers that I really didn’t like either,” he said.

“Did you ever kill anybody?” I said, hesitantly.  

“You know, I’d rather not talk about that now.  Kinda like it was a bad dream. I tried to convince myself that it just didn’t happen, but I’d think about it a lot.. It’s hard for me to sleep. We were kids not much older than you and hopefully you won’t have to see stuff like that.”

“You ever think about going back?” I asked.

“Yeah, sometimes…I miss my buddies, but glad to be back here.”

“I thought about joining a few times,” I said.

“Yeah, it looks cool when they advertise the military on TV and parts of it is really great, but I really wish kids didn’t have to go through stuff like war. I joined because it looked exciting and I guess I wanted to be heroic and have people treat me with respect. I think all of us were tricked. We were just young kids wanting to be men and we really didn’t have a clue what that meant.  I’m thirty five years old now and still don’t know what it’s like to be a “real”man, whatever that means. I’m just older and look the part. Maybe that’s all it ever is. You just try to do what you think is right and survive. So what do you want to do once you get out of school?” he said.  

“I don’t know. I suppose I’ll just try to get a job somewhere. I always wanted to play football, but every time I got close to being on a team, Mom would move. Every time she gets a new boyfriend and it doesn’t work out, she packs up and moves away. We moved four times since I’ve been in high school. I hate it!” I said.

“I’m sure she doesn’t do it intentionally.”  

“No, but I wish she’d just stop. I want to be able to graduate with friends, not strangers. I’ll be glad when I’m old enough to be on my own,” I said feeling frustrated. There was an awkward silence between us, so I turned up the radio. I looked over at Travis and he was staring straight ahead. He didn’t say a word to me as we drove through town.

We turned left towards the train tracks and parked in front of the coal and lumber company. Travis got out and I sat in the car.

“You coming?”he said.

I jumped out and slammed the door. He shot me a disapproving look and snapped at me, “You don’t have to slam the door that hard.”

I held my head down and said, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m getting these headaches. Try not to mind me so much. I get in weird moods sometimes,” he said.

I didn’t say any more. I didn’t want to do anything to upset him. I opened the screen door and walked up to the front desk.

A short, fat, old man with short, grey hair, and bulging, bloodshot eyes looked up from his paper. “What can I do for you?” he said, in a deep, raspy voice.

“I need some two by fours for my upstairs bathroom I’m remodeling,” said Travis.

“I’ve seen you in here before. Is this your boy?” he said.

“No, this fine young man is Sam. His mom’s the one I’m building the bathroom for. He wanted to tag along,” said Travis.

“Nice to meet you, Sam. Everyone just calls me Ron. Looks like you found yourself some good strong help, Travis.”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid,” said Travis.

I smiled. I liked that he thought I looked strong.

“Well, follow me out back and we’ll see if we got what you need,” said Ron.

I followed them to the back of the store and looked around as the two men talked. It was so old fashioned inside. I saw old rusty Coca Cola thermometers nailed to the wall, or cigarette posters that must be over 50 years old. The place looked like a relic from the distant past. It smelled like cigarette smoke, lumber, and some rich musty smell that only old buildings seem to have.

Travis found what he was looking for and I followed them back to the front desk where Travis wrote the man a check.

“Hey Brian, you back there?” said Ron, looking towards the back of the store.

“Coming Ron,” replied a voice. A young stocky brown haired guy just a bit older than me wandered out from behind an aisle of tools. He wore blue denim overalls and a red ball cap.

“Travis, you can pull your truck around back. Brian, I want you to take this order and help this gentleman load the two by fours into his truck,” said Ron. I followed Brian to the back of the store.

Travis pulled the truck up to the gate. Brian grabbed a big armful of lumber and slung it over his shoulder. Not to be outdone, I did the same thing. It felt heavy and wanted to roll off. I acted like it was no problem. Travis looked at me struggling, smiled, but didn’t say a word. I picked up another big bundle of lumber and slung it over my shoulder, but I dropped a couple.

Brian ran over to me and said, “Let me help you with that.”

I didn’t want to look weak in front of them and said, “No thanks, I got it dude.”

After the truck was loaded, Brian dusted off his overalls and rubbed his rough big hands together to knock off the saw dust. Travis thanked him and Brian smiled and waved as he strutted back inside. I got in the truck and was trying to pick a splinter out of my finger.

Travis looked over at me and said, “I need to make one more stop at the grocery before going back.”

He drove to main street and parked around the corner from the little Millersburg Market on 4th next to some garbage cans. I ran ahead and looked back. Travis was staring blankly at the trash cans, frozen in his tracks. I slowly walked to the corner of the building and Travis was still standing there.

“Hey Travis! What are you looking for?” I said.

He woke from some spell and said, “Oh nothing, I thought I saw something, but it was just a cat.”

I didn’t see anything and Travis looked confused. “You okay Travis?” I said.

“Yeah…uh yeah I’m fine,” he said, shaking his head.

I wondered if he was having some flashback from the war. I heard Mom talking to Aunt Cindy about Travis one day. They seemed to think he might be a little crazy from the war. I was unsure and didn’t want to get on the bad side of him.

I walked into Mr Stanford’s grocery. Travis grabbed a cart and went to the back of the store.

Mr Stanford saw me and said, “Howdy, Sam. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Hi, Mr Stanford. We moved away, but we’re planning on moving back in the fall.”  

“Good, well tell your mom I said hello.”

“I will.”

Travis came back with some milk and bread and put it on the counter. I asked if he could buy me a soda. I looked up and saw Tricia Harney and her mom walking in the door. Her mom walked past us towards the back of the store.  

Tricia stopped and said, “Hi Sam, Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you since 9th grade,” she said, smiling.

“Uh, Hi Tricia. We moved a couple of times since I lived here. I’m living in Nicholas county now.”

She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled, “I won’t tell. It’s so nice to see you again. You’ve changed a lot. You’re a lot taller and your voice is deeper.”

“Oh yeah? You think so?” I said, excitedly.

“Yeah, I remember you always wanted to play football. You on the team now?” she said.

“No, but I still want to. I ran some track and played a little softball. So how are you Tricia? You got prettier,” I said.

She blushed and said, “Thanks, I’m fine. I played Ophelia in our school play, Hamlet, this spring and I was on the debate team. Maybe we could meet up sometime.”

The clerk rang up Travis’s groceries and he headed for the door. He turned and said, “Sam, I’ll meet you back at the truck.”

“Is that your dad?” she said.

“Nah, we rent the upstairs of his house. He’s really cool. We just moved there a couple of weeks ago. Please don’t tell anyone because my mom doesn’t want people to know. She’s afraid her ex-boyfriend will find us and…Well, I guess I better be going. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”

“Yeah, that would be nice, bye Sam.”

Travis was waiting for me in the truck. I opened the door and said, “That was Tricia. I went to school with her,” I said.

“Seems like she really likes you,” he said.

“You think so?”I said, smiling.

“Oh yeah, I can tell,” he said, starting the truck. We pulled out and headed home. Travis was staring off into space again. He looked worried.

“Are you mad Travis? Are you okay?” I said.

He shook his head and looked over at me. “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes I have these moments…I just don’t feel much like talking right now.”

There was a silence again. I didn’t know what to say. “So are you thinking about the army?” I said awkwardly.

“Yeah, I guess I can’t help it sometimes.”

“Did you see something that reminded you of it?” I said.

“Yeah, yeah I guess I did,” he said, then he got quiet.

“Mind if I turn the radio on?”

“Go ahead.”

I blasted the radio. It was nice to see Tricia. I liked that she thought I looked taller. I had the window down because it was so hot. We didn’t say anything to each other for a long time.

“Hey Travis, I noticed that you have a weight bench and a squat rack in the stripping room,” I said.

“Yeah, I saw an ad in the paper last week. A man in Paris was selling the entire weight set real cheap.”  

“Uhhh.. I was just wondering if I could use that sometime?” I said.

He looked over at me and said, “Have you lifted weights before?”

“Yeah, we had some in school that we used for football. You think it would be okay?”

He looked at me and thought for a moment. “Hmmm, well if you ask your mom and she says it is okay then you can lift with me if you want.  I rather you not do it alone because it can be dangerous.”

“Wow! that would be so cool. I’ll ask her. I’m sure she’ll say yes,” I said all happy and shit.

He turned off onto his rocky driveway and had me get out and open the gate. I hopped back inside and looked at Travis and said, “Can I still have that driving lesson?”

“Oh sure, we’ll unload the lumber first,” said Travis.

I grabbed some of the boards and asked, “Where do you want them?”

“Just stack em on the front porch, but don’t block the door or the porch swing.”

Bella May came running outside looking at us saying, “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like we’re doing?” I said..

“I dunno… Can I help?” said Bella, holding her doll.

We unloaded the wood and stacked it on the porch. Bella was struggling to carry one board, but she insisted on helping. Mom came out the front door.

“Ahh you’re back. I cooked some fried chicken, beans and mashed potatoes. Y’all hungry?”

Bella dropped the 2 by 4 on the porch, grabbed her doll and ran inside.

I walked over to Mom and said, “Mom, is it okay if I lift weights with Travis? I asked him and he said it was okay.”

Mom looked over at Travis and cocked her head. “Are you sure that’s okay with you Travis? I don’t want us imposing upon you more than we have to.”

“Actually I wouldn’t mind at all. Lifting weights is always safer when you have someone there to spot you.”

I got all excited when he said that. “Thanks Mom! Travis said he was going to teach me to drive his truck after dinner,” I said.

Mom rolled her eyes. “I guess it’s okay.”

I ran inside and heard the screen door slam behind me. I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich and get some iced tea. I passed Hank coming down the stairs.

“Where did you and Travis go? said Hank.

“I rode with Travis to Millersburg. We got wood and groceries and guess who I saw?” I said, bragging.

“I don’t care,” said Hank.

“I saw Tricia Harney. I think she likes me,” I said, flexing my arm.

“So?”

“Well didn’t you used to be best friends with her brother Alan?”

“Yeah, but that was a long time ago. He hates me now.”

“What did you do to make him hate you?”

“I didn’t do nothin’. He just didn’t want to be my friend anymore,” Hank said, looking down at his feet.

“Well Tricia’s nice, ain’t she?”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Hank rolling his eyes.

“Well guess what else, Travis said he was gonna teach me to drive his truck tonight. Isn’t that cool?” I said excitedly.

He turned and said, “Whatever.”

After dinner Travis let me get behind the wheel of his truck. “So you ever drove a stick shift before?” He said.

“Nope.”

He laughed and said, ”Well this is going to be fun.”