I stood with my arms crossed in the middle of the soccer field, wearing only my t shirt, gym shorts, and my old sneakers. I was covered in goosebumps as a cold wind blew out of the north. I shivered and shook all over; even my teeth were chattering. I looked across the fence towards the trees in the distance and wondered what Jake did during the day while I was at school. I wanted to be anywhere but here at this moment. Most of the other boys in my gym class stood in a circle surrounding Mr Mason, our PE teacher. He was this middle-aged fat ex-jock with a crew cut and balding head who seemed to possess a sadistic glee in humiliating weaker, less physically athletic boys like me. As always, he would pick his favorite two jocks, Carl Weaver and Pat Grobin as captains when we would choose sides for football.

Me and two other outcasts hung back away from the main group of boys who quickly got chosen on either team. One of my fellow outsiders, a fat boy named Greg Smoot with brown hair, freckles and tits like a girl, tried hiding behind me. The other boy, Tim Shanks who was skinny like me but taller, with red hair and buck teeth, stared awkwardly at Greg and I, as if we knew something about sports. I suppose someone might mistake the three of us as being friends, but actually, the three of us losers just clung together out of fear like little birds. We were the bottom of the pecking order. Actually Greg wasn’t as much a loser as I was. He’s smart, loves books, but unfortunately not good at sports. In class he’s somewhat popular. He’s one of the few guys who has talked to me since I’ve been here. Tim on the other hand is nice, but sadly, not so smart. I think he’s more lost than me, and he’s not someone that I feel I can actually confide in.

So there we stood looking at each other, fearing that moment when they finish picking everyone else. We already knew that we’d be chosen last, but the embarrassment would come when the two leaders would argue over which one of us they would get stuck with. Mr Mason stood with his feet planted apart and his hands resting on his waist, observing the ceremony of choosing teams with a sadistic grin.

They were down to the last five guys and Carl looked us over.

“Okay, I guess I’ll take Mike,” Carl said rolling his eyes.

Mike smiled as if relieved not to be chosen last.

“I guess I’ll take James,” said Pat furrowing his brow.

Now it was down to us three. Carl just stood there looking at us with disgust.

“Go ahead, we don’t have all day,” Mr Mason barked.

“Alright, uhhh ok I’ll take Greg,” said Carl sticking his finger in his mouth as if he were gagging. “Better not fuck up, fat boy,” he whispered as Greg slunk past him.

Greg turned to me with a sad face and sighed. Now it was Pat’s turn again. He grimaced and said, “Uhhh, uhhh you I guess,” he said pointing at Tim who smiled like a sheep.

Carl looked at me and said, “Ok, I guess I got stuck with you, loser.”

Reluctantly, with my head hung low, I shuffled towards Greg and stood with his group. We looked at each other gritting our teeth. Mr Mason observed the two groups and said, “Okay it’s going to be shirts versus skins.”

Greg clasped his hands together in prayer, squinted his eyes and whispered to himself, “Not skins, not skins, not skins.”  I hated taking my shirt off and people seeing my skinny, bony chest. Mr Mason pointed at Carl and yelled, “Skins. Take em off boys!”

I slowly pulled my shirt off. The cold air took my breath away. I timidly watched the others taking off their shirts. The more popular boys didn’t seem to mind, but Greg slowly pulled off his shirt and some of the other guys noticed and pointed.

“Look at them titties!” one of the guys said as the others snickered. Greg crossed his arms over his chest trying to hide his embarrassment.

Mr Mason chuckled and said, “Okay boys let’s flip a coin to see who is on the offense.”

The game was a blur. I was so cold. Mostly I just walked back and forth as the game went on around me. I had no idea of the rules. Every time the ball got near me I just moved away from the action. Mr Mason kept yelling at me to do something, but I just shrugged my shoulders. I prayed for this experience to be over. Like me, Greg wandered about the field oblivious to the action around us.

Carl walked past me and snarled under his breath,“You’re worthless. You ain’t even trying, ptttt.”

Eventually Mr Mason blew his whistle and said, “Okay that’s enough for today. Go on inside and take a shower.”

I let out a sigh and fumbled to put on my shirt. The cold left my hands numb and made my teeth chatter. The other boys bounded towards the gym in a pack. I hung back with Greg, walking slowly towards the gym.

“I don’t want to take a shower,” he said nearly in tears.  

I hung my head down and said, “Me either. Maybe we can hide out and pretend like we did.”

By the time we got there, most of the other boys were either drying off or putting their clothes on. I was ashamed of my body. The other guys were more muscular, had more body hair, or had a big penis that they seemed to be proud of.  I walked to the sink area and scoped it out to make sure no one else was around. In the mirror I saw how skinny and hairless my chest looked. Even my penis seemed tiny compared to the others. I bent down over the sink and turned on the water to get my hair wet. I wanted everyone else to think I’d just came out of the shower. Just as I was wetting my hair, Carl walked in and caught me. He stood there with a towel around his waist and put his hands on his hips.

“What’s wrong with you Henry? Can’t take a shower like the rest of us?”

Just then, Fred Campbell, this bigger husky guy with long blond hair, who was a  friend of Carl, walked in with a devilish grin. “What’s going on?” he said staring at me.

“I caught Henry wetting his hair in the sink pretending to take a shower,” said Carl walking towards me with an evil grin.

“Yeah, him and his fat little faggot friend both do that. I think they smell like shit. Those dirty little pigs.” Fred said as he was moving to block the door towards the locker room. I started to feel panic. “Dirty little pigs! Dirty little pigs smelling like shit! Come on, oink like a pig. Oink oink oink.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I said walking towards the door.

Just then Greg opened the door and Fred turned around.

“Come on in, fat ass,” said Fred reaching out to pinch his nipple.

Greg let out a slight yelp and ran.

“I guess your little butt buddy ain’t gonna help you, is he?” said Carl.

I walked closer to the door and pleaded, “Please guys, just let me go!”

“Sure, just as soon as you get your dirty ass in the shower,” said Fred.

As I faced Fred, Carl grabbed me from behind pinning both my arms.  “Let me go!” I screamed. Carl pulled me backwards towards the showers while Fred followed us laughing. Just then the door burst open and Mr Mason walked in.

“What’s going on in here?” Mr. Mason said cocking his head.

Carl let go of me and I ran back inside the restroom. That was when Mr Mason said, “No running in the restrooms.”

Just as Carl and Fred were leaving the shower room Carl said, “I caught Henry wetting his hair in the sink. Him and Greg never take a shower. They just pretend.”

“Okay you two, outta here. I’ll have a talk with Henry,” said Mr Mason. The other two laughed as they left the restroom.

Mr Mason turned towards me and got up real close in my face.

“Henry, I know that you’re only a freshman, but when you’re in my class, you’re going to follow my rules. I want you to go back in there and take a real shower. And by the way, I saw you out on the field today. Walking back and forth is not participating. Now go on. Get your ass in there and take a shower.”

Mr Mason barged out and I tried not to cry. I hated that place. By the time I finished the quick shower, everyone else had left. I looked at the clock and realized that I was late for Algebra  class. I liked old Mrs Gentry and didn’t want to disappoint her, so I rushed to my locker and hastily pulled on my regular clothes. The smell of pee, sweat and damp towels hung in the air. I grabbed my books and ran down the hall towards my class.

I cracked opened the door and all eyes flashed towards me. Mrs Gentry was writing on the board, smiled and motioned for me to take my seat. I liked that she was not angry like other teachers. I took my seat and quickly opened my book and took out my paper and pen. I tried to put the incident behind me and concentrate on algebra. I was glad that both Carl and Fred were not taking this class. Math was an escape for me much like drawing. It was like a puzzle to be solved. Mrs Gentry would ask the class a question and many hands would go up. When no one would get the answer, she would always call on me. I never raised my hand, but she knew I would have the right answer. She would smile at me and it made me want to try harder.

When it was lunchtime, I put my books in the locker and walked towards the cafeteria. I was hesitant, and never quite knew what to expect. I think of school as a battlefield, where the enemy is always waiting to strike. In school, you never quite know who is going to attack or when. I thought back to last year when I attended Jr high in Bourbon County. The lunch room was a common place to get ambushed. Most times I would just avoid eating lunch and hang out in the library. Being hungry was always preferable to being humiliated. I had always found the library to be a safe place because bullies usually avoid reading. However, I was willing to take the risk and eat lunch because I hoped that Greg might be there. So far Greg was the only kid willing to talk to me, and we both had a common love for books.

I entered the lunch room and quickly scanned the tables. He was sitting at a far side of the room with two of the smart, quiet girls from my Algebra class, and some older kid I didn’t know. As I stood in the cafeteria line, I noticed they were having fish sticks. I love fish sticks and it gave me more reason to stay.  I dug through my pocket and pulled out the two bucks mom had given me. For the most part, unpopular kids like me can make it through the day invisible and unnoticed like a ghost, and I liked it that way. Usually when I got noticed, I became prey for those who were bored and wanted someone like me to torment. So far I was able to slip quietly through the lunch line and make it across the room towards Greg’s table without being seen. He waved at me and smiled. As I sat down at the table, one of the girls turned to see who sat down, politely smiled and turned back to her friends.

Greg leaned towards me and whispered, “What happened in the restroom?”

I leaned towards him and said, “Carl and Fred grabbed me and tried to drag me into the showers, but Mr Mason came and they let me go. He made me take a shower anyway and I was late for Algebra class. I hate them so much!”

“Last year in Jr High School Fred picked on me all the time. He’s always been mean and now he’s just bigger and stronger,” said Greg looking around to see if anyone were looking.

“Well looks like they aren’t here right now,” I said.

“I’m glad,” said Greg. “Fish stick day is my favorite.”

“Mine too,” I said with a slight grin.

The rest of the day I was able to remain invisible. I caught the school bus and felt grateful that Bella had saved a seat for me next to the window.

“Hi, Hank. Guess what?” she said smiling.

“I don’t know…what?”

“Mrs Johnson said we are going to have a science fair next month. Do you know of any interesting science thing I could do?”

I looked at her and said, “Well, what sorta stuff do you like?”

Bella gritted her teeth and looked about. “I really like my chickens.”

“There you go, maybe it would be cool to hatch some chicken eggs in an incubator. I bet that would be really cool for a science experiment.”

Bella smiled really big and said, “Oh yes, that would be great! Could you help me?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Thanks Hank. Did you have fun at school today?”

I just looked at her and shook my head no.

“I’m sorry. Maybe things will get better.”

“I don’t think so.” I turned and looked out at the rain hitting the window and the patterns the drips were making against the green and umber blur of passing trees thinking about the dark, cold bleakness that was my life. Then I thought of Jake waiting patiently for me in the woods. He told me not to worry, but I imagine that his life must be much bleaker than mine. I don’t know how he survives living all alone. I don’t even know where he goes to eat or sleep. I suppose I just try not to think about that. He doesn’t want my help.

That afternoon after getting home, I told mom I was going to my room to play video games, but I actually went outside and walked to the woods. I crossed the remains of the garden that we had raised this past summer and reached the fence. It was still drizzling out and everything was wet. I climbed over the fence post being careful not to get caught in the barbed wire. I followed the deer trail through the woods calling for Jake but he was nowhere to be seen. I guess wherever he was staying, it was too wet even for him to be out. It was getting dark so I turned back. As I was climbing back across the fence, I noticed Travis’s truck parked in the driveway. As I crossed the field I considered asking Travis what to do about the bullies in my class. I walked in the front door and mom heard me come in.

“I thought you were up in your room?” Mom said.

“I was, but got bored and went outside.”

“Well supper’ll soon be ready,” she said.

“What are we having?”

“Pork chops. You like that don’t you?” she said.

“Oh yes, I love it.”

She turned towards the kitchen and I went into the TV room and saw Travis sitting on the couch watching the news. He looked up and said hi.

“Hi, Uhh Travis. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Can I ask you on the porch?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” He got up and followed me out the front door. He looked at me curiously and said. “What did you want to ask me?”

“Well, were you ever teased in high school?”

“Yeah, a few times. I think everyone has been teased sometime or other. Are you being teased?”

“Yeah, there are these two guys in my gym class. It started out as just a little teasing  but they attacked me in the restroom in gym class today and tried to force me into the showers.”

“Damn! What did you do about it?”

“I didn’t do anything. My gym teacher walked in and they stopped, but I’m afraid it will happen again. What do you think I should do?”

“Did you tell your mom or any of the teachers?”

“No! I can’t do that. I did that at my other school and it just made things worse.”

Travis looked around and said, “Hmmm, let’s think about this. If it were me I think I’d like to get revenge.”

“Oh yeah? How would I do that?  They’re much bigger and stronger than me.”

“Do you think you can be sneaky?”said Travis.

“Uh yeah, I think I can be.”

“Well I would do something to make them embarrassed.”

“Oh yeah, like what?

                   Tuesday November 6

The next day in gym class, I was watching intently as the other guys were getting ready and changing into their gym clothes. I sat in the locker room slowly tying my shoes. As they all left to go to the gym, I stayed behind. I found the lockers that Carl and Fred used and opened them up. I peeked around to see if anyone was looking. I lay their pants and shirts out on the bench and  pissed on them. Quickly I replaced them just as I had found them in their lockers and closed the door. I ran out to join the other’s in the gym. I went behind the bleachers and silently came out the other side so no one would notice I had just arrived. That was one of the good things about being an invisible person. People never notice you unless you attract attention to yourself. Being such a quiet shy person, no one ever expects a kid like me to do anything to rock the boat. Knowing that I’m not the only victim of Carl and Fred, makes the list of suspects greater. I sat down on the bleachers and watched. The other guys were standing around waiting for Mr Mason. Greg turned around and noticed me sitting down.

“Oh there you are. I wonder what coach will have us doing today?”

“I don’t know, but I hope it is nothing that involves shirts versus skins.”

“Oh God! Me too! Yesterday just sucked big time.”

Mr Mason walked into the gym and blew the whistle that was around his thick neck. “Okay boys today we’re going to practice a few basketball drills. Break off into two groups. One group is going to practice dribbling the ball down court in between your legs and the other group will practice shooting lay-ups. I was stuck being on Carl and Fred’s side. At first we were dribbling the ball between our legs. Every time I tried, the ball got away from me and I would wind up chasing it across the floor. Everyone got a good laugh at my expense.

“Jesus! what in the hell was that Henry?” Mr Mason said laughing. “My grandma can do better than that.”

Fred walked by and tripped me. “Sorry grandma. You gotta be more careful.”

I got up and looked back at Fred. He high fived Carl and they both laughed. Soon it was my turn again. Randy tossed me the ball. I tried to control the ball better, but again it hit my toe and went bouncing off. I reached to grab it but fell face first and skinned my chin. Everyone stopped and laughed.

Mr Mason yelled out, “What in the hell’s wrong with you? Henry can you really be that bad?” he said laughing.

Fred yelled out, “Way to go, grandma!”

Finally we switched sides of the gym and now we were supposed to be doing these lay-ups. One guy would run up to the basket and throw the ball in and grab it and run back and give it to the next guy in line. This looked just as difficult as the first thing we were doing. I stood there shaking. I hated PE so much. I wanted to be anywhere but there. Oh god I thought. It’s my turn again. Randy tossed me the ball and I tried to dribble it so it wouldn’t run away from me, so I went slower, but the rest of them yelled at me to run. I got closer to the basket and threw but it went nowhere close to the basket. Carl and Fred were laughing and smacking their knees.

“Maybe you need your walker grandma!” Carl yelled out.  

I looked and saw Mr Mason just smiling and shaking his head. I looked across the gym and saw Greg staring back at me with a worried look. This lasted a few more minutes with me continuing to make a fool of myself. The other guys in my class had probably labeled me a loser by now. Finally Mr Mason blew his whistle for us to go take a shower. I was nervous but tried to pretend as if I knew nothing. I followed the group towards the locker room. As I walked in, Carl and Fred were already there. Carl opened his locker and sniffed the air.

“I smell piss,” said Carl scrunching his nose.

Fred laughed and said, “It always smells like that in here.”

Carl took off his gym clothes, tossed them in his locker, and wrapped the towel around his waist. Fred was changing his clothes and sniffed the air also.

“Jesus, it does smell like piss. Where’s that smell coming from?”

The other guys just looked around at each other. A guy named Adam said he smelled pee also. As Fred was taking off his clothes, Adam was trying to follow the smell of piss. He stood next to Fred, sniffing the air.

“It smells really strong right here.”

“What the fuck! Get the hell away from me you fag!” yelled Fred.

“No seriously dude. It smells like it’s coming from your locker.”

Fred stuck his face inside and said, “Ewwww! God you’re right.” He reached inside and pulled out his shirt and it was wet. Then he put it up to his nose and yelled, “Oh fuck no!”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and ran over to Fred. He snatched his jeans out of the locker and held them gingerly to his nose. He made a disgusted face and said, “Fuck this shit! Fuck Fuck Fuck!” Everyone stood around with their mouths open. I tried to act surprised as well. Other guys came in from the showers wondering what had happened.

“Somebody pissed all over my clothes! I can’t go back to class smelling like piss!” said Fred.

He looked around the room at everyone. “Who was the asshole who did this?” he yelled.

There was a couple of guys standing near the door who started to snicker.

“Did you fuckers do this?”said Fred all furious.

They tried to stop laughing and said, “No, man, it wasn’t us.”

Mr Mason heard all of the yelling and walked into the locker room. “What the hell’s going on in here?”

“Some mother fucker peed all over my clothes! That’s what happened!”said Fred stomping his foot.

Mr Mason looked around the room. “Which one of you did this?” No one answered. “I’ll give you one more chance. This is serious. Tell me right now, which one of you did this?”

I stood there keeping a straight face as he looked at each one of us. Greg stood there looking very worried.

Greg turned to me, “Wonder who did that?” he whispered.

“I have no idea,” I said trying to act innocent.

“What the hell am I gonna do?” yelled Fred.

Mr Mason scratched his head and said, “We can use the washer and dryers that we clean the towels with.”

“Well what am I supposed to wear right now?”

“I guess you’re just going to have to wear your gym clothes until your other clothes get clean.”

Carl came back from the shower and said, “What’s going on back here?”

“Some asshole pissed all over my damned clothes!” said Fred fuming.

“What? I thought I smelled piss.”

I watched as he opened his locker and pulled out his clothes.

“Fuck! someone peed on my clothes, too! I’m going to fuckin kill the asshole who did this. I can’t go to class like this!”he yelled.

During all the commotion Greg and I changed clothes without showering and headed on to our next class.

                      Wednesday November 7

The next day at school, Fred and Carl were trying to figure out who peed on their clothes. Too many people were laughing about it and everyone was suspect. I kept to myself, pretending to be somewhat concerned, but not overly so. Carl grabbed me in the hall and asked me if I did it. I cringed and said, “No, it wasn’t me.”  

In gym class, Mr Mason had one of his chats about unsportsmanlike behavior. He was calling the person who committed this act, shameful and said things would go better if the said perpetrator would turn himself in. We all looked at each other wondering who it could be. I wanted to laugh but kept a straight face. Mr Mason was such a phony.

                    Thursday November 8

Two days had gone by and no one confessed to the crime. Mr Mason said he would get to the bottom of this, but nothing happened. People were still talking about it and laughing. The day took a turn for the worse when I was forced to switch seats in Mrs Woodcock’s literature class. I had to take a seat near the back because my regular seat near the front had been taken by some popular guy named Johnny Tate who said he wanted to sit next to his stupid girlfriend. He told me to move back to his old seat. Unfortunately it happened to be directly in front of Fred Campbell who was wearing some ridiculous muscle shirt. He sat low in his desk with his feet wide apart, sprawling into the aisles.  

“Ahhh who said you could sit back here?” He said glaring at me.

His stupid girlfriend Ann Beaumont sat across from him. She was chewing gum and twisting her long black hair around her fingers. I thought she was kinda slutty because she’s always wearing lots of makeup, and clothes that are way too tight and revealing. She rolled her eyes when she saw me sitting down. I sat facing forward hoping they would ignore me. Mrs Woodcock, an elderly woman probably 80 or 90 years old, had her thin blue hair permed in tight little curls and wore big blue glasses that looked way too big for her face. She was short, overweight and bent over with a big old lady hump. She turned and faced the class.

“Today we’re going to discuss the reading assignment, A Separate Peace. Can anyone tell me what this book was about?”

There were a few hands that went up near the front of the class. This one girl named Shirley waved her hand as if she were about to wet herself.

“Okay Shirley.”

“Well it’s about these two boys in a private boarding school and one of them tries to kill the other one by making him fall out of this big tree,” said Shirley.

“Okay, anybody else?”

Daniel raised his hand and said, “Well, there was boy named Finny who was this jock kid and Gene who was this smart nerd, and they were roommates at this private boarding school. During the summer, they became best friends and Finny would make up lots of outdoor games. One of them jumped from this big tree into a river. One day Gene caused Finny to fall from the tree and he broke his leg. So Finny made Gene be all jockish because he couldn’t be one himself anymore.”

Mrs Woodcock looked around and said, “So why did Gene cause Finny to fall?”

No one’s hands went up.

“Fred, what do you think?”

“Uhhh, I don’t know.”

“Did you read the book?”

“Uh no.”

Shirley held her hand up again. “I think Gene was mad because Finny always kinda dared him to jump and Gene was always sorta scared.”

“Does everyone agree with that?” Henry, what do you think?” said Mrs Woodcock.

I hated being called on. “Uhh, I think Gene had a crush on Finny and was also jealous.”

Some of the kids on the front of the class turned when they heard what I said.

“You think Gene was a homo?” said Shirley.

“I think he was in love with Finny,” I said.

“You would think that because you’re a fag,” said Fred whispering to me.

His silly girlfriend Ann starte twittering and giggling like a bird. Mrs Woodcock suddenly looked flustered.

“It seems that Gene and Finny were just good friends. I don’t think the book leads us to believe there was anything sexual. Don’t you think that Gene jounced the limb because he thinks Finny is trying to sabotage his school work?” said Mrs Woodcock.

Johnny held his hand up and said, “Yeah, maybe Gene thinks that Finny is jealous of his good grades and tries to get him to go goof off so he won’t study as much.”

“Yes, perhaps he did it for revenge. So what about the name of the book? What do you think the name means?” old Mrs Woodcock said walking in between the rows of desks.

About that time Fred kicked at the back of my seat. “Go ahead. You know the answer, don’t you, smart ass?” he said.

I just looked straight ahead. I didn’t want to encourage him.

“Rhonda, so what do you think the title means? And take that gum out of your mouth,” said Mrs Woodcock.

“Well, I guess it means like everybody else had a big piece and they had a separate piece.”

Everyone’s head turned to look at her and started to laugh.

“Young lady that has to be the dumbest thing I ever heard. You obviously did not read the book,” said Mrs Woodcock getting her glasses all steamed up.

Shirley started waving her hands again like she had to go to the bathroom.

“Okay, Shirley. What do you think it means?”

“Well,, obviously it refers to the peace that those at the Devon school felt while the war was going on in Europe.”

Just then I felt something hit the back of my head. I heard snickering behind me. Once again I felt something hit me and noticed the wetness on the back of my head as I pulled two spitballs out of my hair. I had a hard time hearing what Mrs Woodcock was saying. He kicked my seat again. I was getting really mad.

I turned around and said, “Please, stop.” But Fred just grinned.

“Henry, so why do you think Leper joined the war if he seemed so against violence?” Mrs Woodcock said.

“He saw a film and wanted to do something he knew he was good at, but it wasn’t what he expected,” I said.

“Yes, I think you’re right. So class let’s talk about the idea of war and what it meant to these kids…”

Fred took his feet and pulled my desk backwards. I was losing my temper. Mrs Woodcock was discussing my favorite book and this asshole was tormenting me. I stood up, grabbed my desk, and pulled it from his feet.

“Leave me alone!” I yelled.

All eyes were upon me. My heart was beating rapidly. Fred gave me a half smile half sneer.

“God, sit down you freak!” said Fred laughing.

Mrs Woodcock adjusted her big glasses and said, “What’s going on back there? Henry what are you doing up?” she said.

“Nothin’, Trying to listen to you talk.” I sat back in my seat and heard Fred whisper.

“Just wait till class is over.”

It was hard for me to concentrate through the remainder of the class. I was dreading what would happen afterwards. I wanted to be anywhere but there. I started thinking about Jake. In ways, I thought of us being best friends like Gene and Finny, except I was probably more like Leper. I knew I was skinny, had bad skin and wore glasses. I wasn’t the kind of kid to be called attractive.

The bell rang and I grabbed my books. I hurried to get out of the room before Fred. As I was heading down the hall I heard footsteps running behind me. I started to run. I had two more classes to go to before the day ended. I sprinted towards Biology class and slowed down just before getting to the door. My heart was pounding and I was breathing heavy as I entered Mr Swift’s class. I had dodged another bullet for for the moment.

I was lucky that I made it through the rest of the day without seeing Fred or Carl. When school let out, Bella wanted to talk, but I wanted to be left alone and rode the bus home staring out the window. It was a sunny cold afternoon and winter was in the air now after all the leaves had fallen from the trees. I walked back towards the house with Bella. She seemed to be in a hurry to show mom her report card. Apparently she had gotten all A’s except for a B+ in social studies. I got my report card as well. I had an A in Literature, Algebra and Biology, the rest Bs except for a D in PE. I’d never gotten good grades in that class. Mr Mason hated kids like me.

I got something to eat and showed mom my report card. She seemed mostly happy until she saw the D in P.E.

“Honey, how did you get a D in P.E.?”she said. “I thought P.E. would be an easy class.”

“I guess it would be easy if I was athletic or popular, but I ain’t either one of those,” I said getting defensive.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, but maybe Sam could teach you stuff about sports.”

I looked at mom and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right.” I tried to change the subject and said, “Mom, can I go out and ride my bike.

“Yeah, just be careful and just be back before it gets dark.”  

I rode my bike across the field and left it beside the fence towards the woods. I was hoping Jake would be there today. I hadn’t seen him for nearly a week. I tramped through the dead leaves following the deer trail.  It veered off the main trail towards the hidden old cabin. I reached the cabin and called out to Jake. There was no answer. I just wanted to talk to him so bad. I sat down on the old rotting floor staring towards the door. Night comes early in November and the sun was already casting that golden light that signals the end of the day. I closed my eyes and said, “Please, Jake, I wish you were here.”

I heard a slight scuffle and looked up. Jake stood in the doorway. “I heard you call my name,” he said.

“Yes. I missed you. Where’ve you been?”

“Away, somewhere dark.”

The answer he gave sounded strange. “I’m glad you’re back. I didn’t think I’d see you again. You’re my best friend. I sorta have another friend in school, but he doesn’t understand me like you do.”

Jake was dressed in the same old clothes and appeared to be dirty. He sat down on the floor beside me and leaned his head towards mine. He felt so cold. We sat together, quiet, and not saying anything. It felt nice sitting next to him.

“Jake, have you ever had to deal with bullies when you went to school?” I said.

“He slowly turned his head to me with a deep gaze that went beyond me. “You have enemies?” he whispered.

“Yeah, a boy much bigger than me. He wants to hurt me. What can I do?” I said.

“Do you want me to help? Jake said looking towards the window.

“How can you help?”

“Don’t worry Hank, He won’t bother you after I see him.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that except… “okay.”

Jake never had much to say, but he enjoyed hearing about books, school, and movies. He said he’d never seen a movie. I invited him to the house many times, but he always refused. I suggested that we both run away from home and we could go on an adventure, just the two of us.

He looked at me with a smile. “Yes, a trip. Just you and me. Very soon.”

                     Friday November 9

On Friday as I was getting ready for school, I was nervous and scared. I hated to face Fred or Carl. It was a cold, dark, drizzly morning, and I didn’t see any sign of Jake as Bella and I boarded the bus.

“What are you looking for, Hank?” asked Bella as she caught me looking out the window.

“Nothing, just looking,” I said.

Once the bus let me off at school, I saw Carl and Fred standing together in front of the main door. I hid behind some shrubs and waited until everyone had gone inside. The bell had already rung when I entered my homeroom. I noticed Fred and Carl looking at me from across the room as I took my seat. They were whispering to themselves as they stared at me. Fred slammed his fist into his palm as if it were a gesture to indicate he intended to hit me. Carl was laughing. Miss Whelps, our homeroom teacher asked me if I had an excuse for being late. I made up some lame excuse about my locker being stuck. She warned me not to be late again.

After role call the bell rang and I headed towards my first period world history class. I checked my back to see if they were behind me. So far so good. I dreaded second period PE class. They both shared that class with me. Just as I turned the corner and I was passing the restrooms, Fred and Carl opened the bathroom door, grabbed me and pulled me inside. A dim light lit the room through the translucent windows. Fred held me around the waist with my arms pinned to my side. “What are you gonna do now, faggot?” said Fred.

He pulled me towards one of the stalls while Carl watched the door.

“I took a big shit in the toilet, and now I’m gonna stick your face in there with it. You like that, don’t ya, faggot?” said Fred.

I squirmed and tried to break away. He covered my mouth so I couldn’t scream. He opened the door to the stall and forced my head down towards the toilet. I tried to get away, but he was too strong. He almost got my face into the bowl as I eyed that big nasty turd in the water. I smelled the strong odor of bleach, pine sol and now, shit. As he held me down, a strong, cold wind blew the window open with a loud crack and bang. Suddenly there was an overpowering smell of mold and dead leaves. I heard Carl scream and the sound of someone trying to force the door open.

“Help! Help!” I heard a scuffle and then a violent thud.

“Carl! Carl! What’s going on?” said Fred turning his head.

He loosened his grip on me. The stall door burst open and I was still facing the wall.

“What the fuck! Get back! Ahhhhh!” Fred screamed.

Something powerful snatched Fred up and I fell backwards away from the toilet. There was another thud and something flew out the window. I stood up and looked about the room. There were dead leaves scattered all over the floor. Carl sat by the door with his hands around his knees in a slow rocking motion. He stared off towards the window. Fred was lying on the floor moaning by one of the urinals. There was a blood splatter on the top left part of the urinal and a small pool of blood coming from his mouth. The door to the restroom burst open and the tall, thin History teacher, Mr. Muffins entered wearing big black glasses atop a huge nose and looked about the room.

“My god! What happened here?” He found Fred lying on the floor, ran over and bent down beside him. “Fred! Fred! Are you okay?”

Fred started to come to and sat up shaking his head.

“Fred, maybe you should sit there until we get you a doctor. Looks like you hit your head on the urinal here. What’s been going on in here? Why is the window open? It was painted shut,” said Mr Muffins acting all concerned.  

Carl didn’t say a word. He just sat there rocking back and forth. Fred sat up and looked at Mr Muffins.

“It came through the window. It attacked us,” said Fred all excited.

Mr Muffins’s eyes got wide. “What came in the window?” he said putting his hand to his tiny chin.

“I don’t know. It was like a shadow and it moved so fast,” said Fred.

“Henry, so what did you see?” I stood there looking around the room with my mouth open. “Uhhh, uhh, I was in the stall. I heard screams. When I came out I saw them lying on the floor.”

Mr Muffins bent over and said, “Whose books are these?”

My books were scattered on the floor. “Those are mine.” I lied and said, “I left them by the sink when I came in.”

Other boys opened the restroom door and peered inside.

“Go get the principal! Go on now!”said Mr Muffins. He looked over at Carl rocking on the floor. “Carl are you okay?” He continued to rock not saying a word. “Carl, what’s wrong with you?”said Mr Muffins kneeling beside him.

Fred started to moan, “Fuck, I think I lost a tooth.”

A few minutes later our principal Mr. Whifflebean entered the restroom. He was this huge fat man with a goatee and wore blue suit and red tie.

“What has happened here? Come on now speak up,” said principle Wifflebean being all bossy.

No one said anything. Mr Muffins spoke up and explained that the boys claimed to have been attacked by something that came in the window. He walked over to the window and looked out scratching his head.

He turned back to us and said, “Do you expect me to believe that something came in the window and attacked you boys? We are all the way up here on the second floor.” He looked at the other boys, then looked back at me. “I think more has happened here that you aren’t telling me. Henry, I think you know something. I want to know what happened here!” he said acting all concerned and angry. “Get up, boys! Carl, you and Fred go to the nurse’s office, and you, Henry, you’re coming with me.”

I sat in the principal’s office while Mrs Dribble, the assistant principal called my mom at work saying that she needed to come to the school to meet with Mr Wifflebean. I was scared and nervous. I’d never been to the principal’s office before. I suppose I was in trouble for something I didn’t do. Part of my mind wondered if Jake had something to do with this. He said that they wouldn’t bother me after he saw them. Now I wondered what he meant by that.

Mom showed up a little while later. She entered the room, looked at me and shrugged her shoulders as if asking me, “What the fuck?” I felt like crying. She turned to Mr Wifflebean and said, “Why have I been called from work, and why is Hank here in your office?”

“Mrs Davis, two boys have been injured in the restroom. One of them has a slight concussion and has lost a tooth and the other has a few bruises, but he’s so traumatized that he can’t speak. Your son was found in the restroom with them and doesn’t have a mark on him.”

“What did the other boys say happened?” said Mom.

“Well, that is a bit of a mystery. This one boy claims that he was attacked by something that came in the window. It happened on the second floor and there is no way they could have been attacked from that high up,” he said.

“So you’d rather believe that my son here who barely weighs 130 lbs attacked two other boys? How big are these other boys?”she said.  

He shook his head and raised his hands up in the air. “Uh, well one of the boys is probably over 6‘ tall and weighs maybe 210 and the other boy is nearly 6’ and weighs 170 perhaps.”

Mom started to laugh. “You expect me to believe that Hank beat up two boys twice his size, Mr Wifflebean? Hank has been bullied almost his entire life. When he came to this school I was hopeful that perhaps things would be better for him. Now you’re saying that you suspect him of beating these other boys? Perhaps an animal like a raccoon climbed in that window. Did you even check it out?” Mom looked at me and asked, “Hank, did you beat up these boys?”

“No, I was in the stall. I didn’t see anything, but I heard them scream and heard the window open and lots of wind,” I said.  

Mr Wifflebean looked at my mom and said, “I’m sorry Mrs Davis, but I think I have no choice but to suspend Henry for two days. We will get to the bottom of all this,” he said slapping his knees.

“You know, Mr Wifflebean, I know it isn’t a big thing, but why do you insist on calling Hank, Henry? You may think it is a little thing, but he prefers being called Hank and I thought I made that clear when he started here. I think it is disrespectful.” Mom looked at me and said, “Well, Hank, I guess you get two days off. Is there a way he can get his homework? He’s a good student and I don’t want him to get behind,” said Mom.

“Sure, we will make sure that he gets his assignments,” he said.

When we walked out to the car Mom asked me, “So, Hank, what really happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, I can tell when you’re holding back. What happened in that restroom?”

“Well, I did tell the truth about being in the stall, but they pulled me in there from the hallway. They were going to stick my head in the toilet. He was holding my head above the toilet when something came in the bathroom. It attacked them. It came from the window just like they said. I didn’t see it. Whatever it was, it went out the window by the time I got out of the stall.”  

“Do you have any idea what it could be? You think it was a raccoon?”

“No, mom, what ever it was, it was big enough to pull Fred off of me.”

She turned and looked at me with a look of fear on her face.

I had Tuesday off and was home all by myself. I walked towards the woods with a new book, “Of Mice and Men” to read to Jake. He met me at the fence and stood there motionless.

“Jake, I was hoping you would be here. I need to ask. Was it you?”

There was a long silence. “Yes. They won’t bother you again,” he said.

I think at that moment I became a little afraid of Jake.

He saw the book in my hand and said, “Can you read to me? I’d love to hear a story.”

                   Wednesday November 15

I went back to school on Wednesday. It felt odd to be noticed. People stared and whispered. Carl’s seat was empty in homeroom. Fred sat quietly in his seat with a huge black and blue bruise on his eye and a swollen cut on his lower lip. He looked off in the distance apparently deep in thought.

Mrs Whelps looked back and said, “I see that Henry and Fred are back with us today.”

She took the role call and I heard lots of whispering around me. When the bell rang, Fred grabbed me in the hallway.

“Come here Henry. I need to ask you something. I can’t talk to anyone about this except you… What did you see in the bathroom? Please tell me!” Fred looked different. He looked scared.

“I didn’t see anything. I was in the stall. It was gone by the time I came out.” I stammered. “What do you think you saw?” I said

He paused for a second, “I think I saw death.”  

The second period bell rang and I walked down the hall towards the gym class. When I got to my locker, the other boys were staring at me. Greg entered the locker room and sat beside me.

“Did you know that the entire school is talking about you? They think you beat up Carl and Fred. Did you do it?” he said.

I looked at Greg and shook my head no. “Something came in the window. They were going to stick my head in the toilet and something stopped them.”

His eyes got big. “What was it?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see anything. I just heard a lot of wind, and something hitting the wall and screams from Fred. I was in the stall facing the toilet when it all happened.”

We went back outside for P.E. It was a sunny morning but chilly. I noticed that Fred was standing off by himself. He looked lost. Mr Mason walked out of the gym and came strutting towards the field saying we were going to choose up sides for soccer. He looked us over with his hands on his hips. When his eyes locked with mine he started shaking his head and turned to look at the other boys.  

“Pat Grobin, you and uh John Wacker are team captains. Choose up sides.”

After choosing up sides for soccer, I was the lone man out. No one wanted me. Even Greg seemed to act a little strange around me. I sat on the sidelines and watched them play. I noticed that Fred was not his normal self. He didn’t seem to be as aggressive as usual. I sat on the bleachers reading our newly assigned book, Steppenwolf. Gym wasn’t so bad, at least Mr Mason was ignoring me. In some ways I liked that.

At lunch that day, the cafeteria was serving meatloaf. I got a tray and stood in line. I could feel eyes upon me. I hated that feeling. Once I got my food I looked for Greg. He sat at the table with other smart kids and acted like he didn’t see me. I did nothing to make him dislike me. I found an empty table where I could be alone. I sat down and noticed a group of upperclassmen composed of skaters and goths staring at me from across the room. One of the older girls dressed like a fat vampire waved at me.

“Hey little boy! Yeah, You. Come here!” she said.

I looked at them and shook my head no. She stood up and carried her tray towards my table, accompanied by one of her fellow goth friends. He was tall, thin and dressed all in black and wore black and blue eye make-up. They sat down at my table.

“So are you Henry?”she said.

“I’m Hank.”

“Okay, Hank, I heard that you were in the boys bathroom when Fred and Carl were beat up. I heard the strangest story that they were attacked by some kind of creature. Is it true?” She said chewing her food as she spoke. I thought she looked strange. I repeated the same story I had told a thousand times.

“So you didn’t see anything?” she said sounding disappointed.  

“No, not until I got up and that is when Mr Muffins walked in with a couple of boys.”

“So you think it was some sort of beast or demon?”she said.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s so cool!” said the goth boy as they got up and walked back to their table.

After lunch I headed to Mrs Woodcock’s literature class. The seat in front of Fred was open. I noticed that he was sitting there with his arms folded on his desk and his chin resting on his hands. His dumb girlfriend Ann was sitting there in her tight jeans chawing away with her gum. She stared at me, scrunching her face and cocking her head to the side like she was some dumb bird. I sat down and faced the board.

“Glad to have you back in class, Henry and you too, Fred,” said Mrs Woodcock smiling. “I hope you’re ready to learn about Of Mice and Men.”

We started to talk about Lenny and George when the voice of Mrs Dribble, our vice principal, squealed over the intercom asking to have Henry Davis report to the principal’s office.. Everyone’s eyes fell upon me again. My heart was thumping. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was weak in the knees but I got up taking my books with me.

I entered Mr Wifflebean’s office. Mrs Dribble strutted into the room like an ostrich, her high heels clanking on the tiles. She looked at me and patted her blonde beehive hairdo and told me to sit in one of the chairs facing his desk and wait. I watched her hobble back into her office like a big crippled bird. I noticed on his wooden desk a bronze plaque with his name, Mr Wifflebean. He also had pictures of a plump, and frumpy wife and their two blonde plump children. There was a big portrait of George W. Bush on the wall behind his desk, and beside it was a poster of the burning twin towers with an American Flag washed over the top saying, “Lest We Forget.” The principal walked in the room and sat down at his desk across from me. He put his elbow on his desk and sat with his chin in his hand looking directly at me.

“So young man. We have a mystery on our hands. Carl Weaver hasn’t been back to school and his mother said that he hasn’t spoken a word since the incident in the restroom. I hear they’re taking him to get a mental evaluation. I’ve had Fred Campbell in my office earlier today and he keeps telling me that same unbelievable story about some strange beast coming through the window. He’s sticking to this story and frankly I just don’t believe it. Now I’m going to ask you once again, and be truthful this time. What exactly did you see or hear that day in the restroom?”

I looked at him and said, “I was in the stall. I first heard something at the window. Carl called out for help then I held a thump. Then I heard Fred yell and then something hit the urinals, then I heard a thump. I heard a wind again at the window. Mr Muffins came in and I exited the stall and saw both boys on the floor.”

I heard a big sigh. “So you sticking to that story are you? I think you’re lying. In fact I know you’re lying. You’re hiding something. Now I want you to tell me something I can believe. Don’t fuck with me this time,” he said acting all mean and important.

I was mad at him. I felt the anger rise in my throat. The words just flew from my mouth. “You know what? I’ve been teased and tormented by kids like Carl and Fred my entire life. I came to this school hoping things would be different, but it isn’t. I’m the new kid. I get picked on every single day that I’m in school. Teachers and principals like you never believe kids like me. The popular kids are always more important. What if I tell you that Carl and Fred were intent on beating the crap out of me that day and pulled me into the restroom to beat me up and to stick my head in the toilet. But then I guess you wouldn’t believe me. A kid like me could never beat up two huge guys like that and you can’t believe Fred when he said he was attacked by something that came in the window,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Yes, I find it hard to believe that you could do those boys any harm, but I think you know something that you aren’t telling me,” said Mr Wifflebean glaring at me.

“What if I say that I was using the toilet and I heard the voices of Carl and Fred as they entered the restroom and was afraid, so I pulled my feet up on the toilet seat so they wouldn’t know I was in the restroom. What if I said I overheard them arguing and Fred said that he caught Carl and another boy having sex in the PE equipment room. What if Carl freaked out and they started fighting and then Fred gets pushed into the urinal and hits his head and Carl yanks the window open like he’s gonna jump, but then sits down on the floor and starts crying. Would you believe a story like that?”

I watched as Mr Wifflebean’s jaw dropped.

The ostrich lady appeared from behind the door and said, “Oh my god!”

I felt tears form in my eyes as I said, “Adults like you only want to hear what you want to hear.”

His eyes got big. He got out of his seat and walked over to Mrs Dribble, the ostrich lady’s office, and they whispered between themselves.  

He came back in and said, “Henry, you can go back to your class now.”

I started walking towards the door, but then stopped and turned around, “I want to be called Hank, not Henry.” Then I opened the door and walked back to class.

Apparently the principal believed the lie over the truth. I was never called back to the office again, but rumors flew freely through the school. Someone popular like Carl being labeled a homo was scandalous. Girls refused to believe it. Other kids kept asking Fred who was the other guy that Carl was having sex with. Fred denied the accusations. People accused Fred of trying to protect the other boy. For some reason, Fred did not bother me. He gave me bad looks, but he never spoke to me after that. In the days that followed, I once again became the invisible man. Greg tended to avoid me. I suppose he thinks I lied to him. I felt bad about the lie. I felt bad because Carl wasn’t around to defend himself. A witch hunt had begun. People jokingly started to accuse other boys of being the guy Carl had sex with.

After the new story had gotten around, Mr Mason looked at me with disgust. I was supposedly the coward who happened to be hiding in the stall. He ignored me. It was as if I didn’t exist in his class. During the dark days of November, I began to read Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse. Even-though I was only 14 years old, I felt that my life was boring and useless. Part of me thought I would be better off if I were dead to end my suffering. During this time I started to skip lunch at school. I would sit outside on the bleachers and read or else I would spend that time in the library. Like the Steppenwolf, I was afraid of death, but thought it should be my ultimate goal.

                       Friday November 16

The day started out okay. I was invisible again. I made it past 1st period without anyone saying a word to me and that also included Greg. I had become the ultimate pariah at school now. It wasn’t entirely a bad thing because people just left me alone. Yeah, I got some stares and heard the whispering behind my back, but I guess most people weren’t sure what to think of me.

When I got to second period P.E. class, I got dressed in my gym clothes  and hid out behind the bleachers and did my homework. Mr Mason caught me walking back there, but he just shook his head and pretended as if he didn’t see me. I sat in the corner on the floor with the dim light and dust. I heard the squeaking of sneakers and the bouncing of basketballs as the boys ran back and forth across the gym floor. I was surprised that my name wasn’t called for me to embarrass myself with some basketball skill that we were supposed to learn. When class was over I didn’t even bother to go towards the showers. I went straight to the lockers and changed clothes. Greg looked at me with envy that I would so blatantly defy taking a shower and I could see him reluctantly shedding his clothes and walking with only his towel to the showers.

I was eager to discuss the book Steppenwolf in literature class. I actually really liked the book and found that the character Harry Haller seemed a lot like me except for our age difference.

I skipped lunch again and headed straight for the library. I felt somewhat hungry but pushed past those cravings as weakness. I skimmed through the book underlining the parts of Steppenwolf that I loved.

When got to class, I saw Fred sitting in his seat holding his chin in his hand. Ann was yakking at him, but he seemed to ignore her. She rolled her eyes when she saw me and muttered, “fuckin freak.” I took my seat looking straight ahead. I was eagerly awaiting the discussion of the book. Old Mrs Woodcock stood in front of her desk when the bell rang. She adjusted her big glasses and looked about the room.

“So class, I hope you all read Steppenwolf today.”

I heard a bit of a low moan coming from different directions.

“So can anyone tell me what the book was about?” Shirley raised her hand. “So Shirley, what did you get from the book?”

“Mrs Woodcock, that was the weirdest book I ever tried to read. It was about some old middle aged dude that was like depressed a lot and decided he wanted to kill himself on his 50th birthday, but he takes a walk and meet some strange circus people who give him a pamphlet. Then he meets some woman who is like his opposite and gets him into drugs and weird sex with some other woman then he kills the first woman. I actually hated the book,” she said

“I guess that is a simple way of looking at it. Did anyone like the book?”she said looking around the room.

I raised my hand. Mine was the only one held up.

“You would like that weird book,” said Ann rolling her eyes.

“So tell us, Henry, what did you like about the book?” said Mrs Woodcock.

“Well, I think the main character, Harry, is a lot like me. He’s a loner. A lone wolf of the steppes trying to live in a world that he doesn’t feel a part of. He doesn’t feel joy and is depressed. But one day when he was planning to kill himself he meets these people that show him another side of life and other parts of himself. It’s actually is a book about hope.”

Shirley turned around and said, “What? that’s crazy. There was no hope in that book. He kills this woman.”

“Okay, does anyone else see this book as being hopeful?” Mrs Woodcock said looking about. “Okay, who actually read the book?”

I looked around and saw only three other hands beside mine.

“Okay Johnny, tell me what you thought of the book.”

“I read the book, but it didn’t make any sense to me. Like Harry said, he was like two people, a wolf and a man. Then he met this crazy woman who said she wanted him to fall in love with her so he could kill her. Then there were orgies and all sorts of weird drugs and things.”

People started laughing as if it were a funny book. I didn’t even think that Mrs Woodcock understood the book either. From there the discussion just kind of went downhill. I noticed a girl in class named Grace that sat near the window. As Johnny and Shirley took over the discussion, she seemed to be staring at me, not in a bad way, but smiling. As my eyes caught hers, she turned away facing the board. I was distracted and now Mrs Woodcock was talking about the influence of Carl Jung and Eastern Philosophy upon Herman Hesse. Shirley somehow pulled the conversation toward Christianity and I got bored. Poor old Mrs Woodcock looked flustered while Shirley smugly ranted on and on how evil she found the book to be. I found myself drawing pictures of Shirley as a big blonde rabbit and Johnny as a badger waving their fingers at each other. I drew Mrs Woodcock as a hump-shouldered mole with big glasses standing between them. I kept the drawing secret by placing my arm over top the paper.

Later, as I was sitting in Mr Swift’s Biology class, listening to him discussing cell division and mitosis, Mr Swift drew pictures on the blackboard of the different phases of mitosis. Mr Swift was a tall,, thin man with sharp, delicate features. He had a big thin nose, mousy brown hair and wore brown sweaters and wrinkled slacks that were too short for his legs. He’s a bit odd like me and I think that’s why I like him so much. I try to do well in his class but sometimes it is hard to concentrate with all the distractions. Some of the dumb jocks like Ted Crump and James Wagner were always making fun of him while his back was turned. They’re such assholes and even worse are these silly girls that find them so cool. I’d glance back every so often and see them flicking paper footballs, attempting to make a goal with goal posts shaped by their fingers. I guess I expect boys to act stupid, but girls never acted like that in elementary school. They always seemed more sensible and friendly, but I started to notice a big change in Jr High where they started to think this behavior was cool and would giggle and flirt with these boys. Sometimes I think the school system has something to do with it, but I can’t be sure.

Mr Swift turned around waving a piece of chalk. “This synchronized dance of chemicals replicating themselves happens with every single cell in your bodies, in animal’s bodies, in the plants and every single living thing on this planet. All life on this planet replicates itself in the exact same way and that makes us all related.”

As he said this, I felt a sense of awe and wonder knowing that I was related to every single living thing on Earth. Mr Swift continued to describe mitosis when he was interrupted by the intercom informing us that we should all report to the gymnasium for a pep rally next period. I sighed, rolled my eyes, then placed my head in my hands. Hooting and yelling came from my other classmates. I find pep rallies to be a complete waste of time. There was only a few minutes left of Mr Swift’s class and he realized that there was no way to get his class back to the subject of mitosis. I felt disappointed as if something beautiful had been crushed.

Class was dismissed and students started to file into the gymnasium and we took our seats in the bleachers. I sat alone watching as the football coach Mr Mason walked on stage with principal Wifflebean. They gave a stupid little speech and called out the members of the football team to the stage.

“Now let’s give a big hand to our Blue Jackets,” Old Wifflebean said.

The cheerleaders stood in front of the stage and started yelling, jumping and waving their pom poms like some strange exotic birds doing a bizarre mating dance or displaying their bottoms like big red-assed baboons. The players strutted on stage high fiving each other, and flexing their muscles. The crowd roared and the birds flapped their wings. The team quarterback talked about kicking some other schools ass and all these nasty things they were going to do as if the kids in the other school were automatically the enemy. Every member on the football team had some smart-ass thing to say and the crowd cheered. I wasn’t about to clap or cheer. They did nothing to deserve our praise and worship. I think it must be some plot hatched by society to create some artificial caste system among the students. We were were being forced to participate in worshipping certain students, raising them to levels of kings and queens of the school, as the rest of us fall somewhere below them on this pecking order. I couldn’t seem to understand why the school system would do something like this to children unless it was to control us in some way. I decided  not to participate and protest in my own private way. Once this farce had ended, I gathered my books and hurried towards the bus. I couldn’t wait to get home and see Jake. The idea of going to some school event after school hours seems like an abomination. Jake seemed to understand me more than anyone I had ever met.  

I started to hang out with Jake every day after school. He’d be there waiting for me by the fence and we’d walk deep into the woods and sit inside the old cabin and I’d read stories to him. One day Jake asked me why I kept going to school. He told me that he knew of a secret place beyond this world and if I really wanted, he could show me how to get there.

“You’ve told me that you feel invisible. People look at you, but really don’t see you. I know all too well how that feels. You’re more like me than you realize, Hank,” said Jake. “I could show you how to go there and we could be together, forever. You would never have to go back.”

The idea scared me deeply, yet it felt romantic. “I’ll think about it,” I said.

“Good, why don’t you skip school tomorrow. Hang out with me.”

The next day I got on the bus and rode to school. I went as far as home room and instead of going to my first period class, I walked to my locker, dropped off my books except my literature book. I walked into the library and checked out The Great Gatsby. I thought Jake might like that one. I left the school grounds and walked back to the farm.

                       Tuesday November 20

I skipped school again and Bella asked me why I was not on the bus going home. I lied and said that I got a ride from a boy I went to school with. That night at dinner I sat down to eat. Mom cooked fried chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli.

Travis looked over at me and said, “I don’t see how you can wear that big jacket. I think it’s warm in here.”

“I feel cold,” I said.

Mom looked at me all worried like, “Hank are you okay? You look pale and you’ve dark circles under your eyes.” She reached over and put the back of her hand to my forehead. “You don’t feel hot. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah mom, I’m fine,” I said feeling a bit grumpy. I reached over and got a chicken leg, a small dollop of potatoes and a small piece of broccoli.

“So are things any better at school? I haven’t heard you complain about school in a few days?”

“Things are better I guess. No one’s been picking on me for a few days.”

“That’s good, are you making friends?” she said.

“No, not really.”

Bella spoke up and said, “I’m making lots of friends at my school. I have a new friend named Jenny and she says her parents got her a trampoline. Can I go to her house and play on her trampoline sometime?”

Mom looked at Bella and said, “Hmmm, a trampoline, huh?  I heard they can be dangerous.”

“But I would be really careful…Please?”

“I’ll think about it,” she said as she ate her mashed potatoes.

“Well, Suzanne, I know you were running late this morning. Did you make it to work on time?” said Travis.

“Oh, man! I couldn’t find my keys, couldn’t find my name tag, and then after I let them off at the bus stop. I get to work ten minutes late and my boss said I can’t let this happen again. Then Mr Tightass said I could just cut my lunch short to make up for it,” she sighed…Blah blah blah…”

My head hurt. I ate some of my chicken and a little of my mashed potatoes. I pushed my plate back and said, “I think I’m finished.”

Mom looked at me and then my plate and said, “Oh honey, you’ve hardly touched your food. You didn’t even get that much to eat in the first place. A boy your age should be eating more than that.”

I felt a bit irritated that she pointed out that I wasn’t eating much. I also felt a bit embarrassed. “I just don’t feel hungry mom! Jeesh!” I snapped.

“Don’t be mad sweetie. I’m just worried about you.”

“Ughhhh,” I uttered. I stood up and pushed my chair back.

“Come here a second.”

I turned and looked at her. She was smiling and holding out her arms. She took my hand and pulled me towards her. She gave me a big hug and said, “You know I love you so much sweetie. I don’t want bad things to happen to you and I wish things could be better at school. I’m just worried that you are not eating enough. You’ve been getting so pale lately. If something’s wrong, please tell me okay?”

“Okay, mom,” I said as she released me.

“Do you think you can finish your dinner? Try to finish your plate.”

I sighed, “Okay I’ll try.”

                   Thursday, November 22

On Thanksgiving, the house was full of people. Aunt Cindy, Arnie, Hank, Stevie, Ben, Mr and Mrs Watts and Travis. Mom and Cindy were doing most of the cooking while everyone else sat watching some football game on TV. I sat outside on the porch swing with Buddy. I looked off towards the woods wondering what Jake was doing. I was slightly swinging back and forth letting my feet drag. I wanted to ask him if he would come, but deep down I knew something was very different about Jake. I thought back to the attack in the restroom. Both Fred and Carl were bigger than Jake, but when Fred was lifted out of the stall and flung across the room, I knew that Jake must be really strong. A few days after the attack, I walked around to the back side of the school and looked up towards the window that was in the boys’ bathroom. There were no trees near the window. It seemed impossible that a person could climb up the side of that building without a ladder. The part that scared me most was when Fred looked at me with a serious look and said he saw death. I felt chills thinking about it. Could Jake be the ghost that Mrs Watts had talked about? But I remember touching him. He looked and felt solid. How could he be the ghost? I was torn between my loyalty to Jake and my life with my family.

Sam opened the door smiling and said, “Hey butthead, come on in and wash up. Mom said dinner’s about ready.”

“I’m coming,” I said rolling my eyes.

He hesitated and turned looking at me. “Are you okay Hank? You know I didn’t mean to call you butthead, don’t you? I was just joking. You look kinda sad. Is everything okay?”

I wanted to tell Sam about Jake and everything else, but I didn’t feel like I could. Sam had become popular and was this jock now. Part of me didn’t think he could possibly understand.

“I’m okay. I guess there’s just too much excitement for me.”

“Okay, well then come in when you feel like it.”

I walked inside and Cindy called me over. “Come here, Hank. I haven’t seen you in ages. Here take off that coat it’s so hot in here.”

Reluctantly I took off my coat. I wore a sweater underneath my jacket.

“Oh my god Hank! You ain’t nothing but skin and bones. Aren’t they feeding you enough?”

“Uh yeah I guess so.”

Then Cindy’s expression took on a more serious look. “Come closer.” She stood up and grabbed me. I pulled back. “Wait a minute.” She felt my chest and then she pulled up my sleeves. “Hank, you are seriously skin and bones. What do you weigh?”

“Uhh, I don’t know.”

“Hey Suzanne! Come in here a minute.”

I felt embarrassed again. Mom walked in followed by Ben.

“What’s up?” she said.

“Hank, could you take off that sweater?”

“I don’t want to,” I said pulling away.

“Suzanne, Hank is seriously underweight.”

Mom looked at me and said, “Please Hank, Take off the sweater sweetie.”

Reluctantly, I pulled it off over my head. I heard gasps when my shirt rolled up.

“Oh my god I had no idea you were this thin,” Mom said all excited.

I jerked back and put my sweater back on.

“Honey we’re just worried about you. It isn’t normal to be that skinny. I think we need to take you to see a doctor.

“I’m fine! There’s nothing wrong with me!” I yelled. “Just leave me alone! Why does everyone have to pick on me!”

I ran out the door and fled around beside the house. I started to cry, leaning against the wall. I felt embarrassment, shame, and I couldn’t face them now that they thought of me as a freak. I wanted to die. I wanted to be like Jake.

I stood outside as the bright sun shone on me and gave me some warmth. The cold November winds kept blowing and made me start to shiver. I heard something and looked up. I saw Ben walking towards me. He made a face like he was sad. He stood beside me not saying anything. I turned my head away not to look at him.

“You know what? I know what it’s like to be different. I don’t think most people understand me either. They think I’m some kind of a freak too,” said Ben.

“Yeah, but everyone likes you. You can play the guitar, you can sing, girls think you’re hot. People think you’re cool. I don’t have any friends, I’m ugly and weird and people hate me,” I said with tears forming in my eyes.

“I don’t think you’re ugly Hank. I see a smart, creative, cute kid that’s just different than the rest. Kids don’t like you because they don’t know you. Kids your age just don’t understand being different. They’re so scared of being different that they’ll pick on people like us to make themselves seem normal. Give me a hug Hank. Things are going to be okay.”

I turned towards Ben and started crying. He gave me a big hug and just held me in his arms for the longest time. I finally stopped crying and Ben said, “How about we go back inside and get warm. If anybody tries to bother you, I’ll just tell them to leave you alone. You can sit by me. You don’t have to answer anyone’s questions. You okay with that?”

I shook my head yes. I followed Ben into the house. Mom started to say something, but Ben shushed her. I felt embarrassed, but Ben was helping me save face. I walked towards the kitchen and sat down beside Ben.

He leaned over and whispered, “What would you like? You don’t have to eat anything if you don’t want to.”

“Maybe some dressing and turkey.” I whispered back.