A couple of days after we sold Ben’s furniture, Darrell called and said one of his friends was looking for good workers and he thought of me. I called up the farmer named Tom Layson. He gave me the address and said if I wanted to work, show up bright and early at 6AM.

I followed the directions down a one lane road. At the bottom of a big hill it said to look for an entrance to my left that was overgrown with weeds. It was still dark outside, but the sky was getting lighter making it just good enough to see. I followed the tire trails through the bent tall grass and weeds. The truck rocked back and forth down the bumpy road as saplings scraped the sides of my truck. The road had been left to grow wild for some time. The path led to the edge of a massive field of golden, tall, broad-leaved tobacco stretching to the horizon on either side of me. I followed the rocky path running between the two fields of tobacco going down hill for a ways and then uphill until reaching a barbed wire fence lined with trees at the top of the hill at the property’s border. This dirt road intersected a much wider path extending the length of the fence. Under a huge elm tree sat a haggard old man sitting on an overturned milk crate beside a rusting, white pick-up truck. He was sharpening a tobacco knife with a file. It had been years since I’d used one, back in the day when I was cuttin’ tobacco for my papaw. I parked my red pick-up besides the white one and walked over to where the man sat. As he looked up I noticed the lines in his dark, sun-weathered face. His eyes were bloodshot and one of his lids drooped.

He cocked his head and said, “Who might you be boy? You come to cut some baccer?” he said. I noticed that he was missing a few front teeth and talked with a hissing sound.

“Yessir, My name’s Travis McAllister.”  

He nodded and spat, “Everybody knows me as Elmer, Elmer Jenkins. Well go ahead ’n look in that there box and pick ya out a knife. You kin sit and sharpen it whiles we waits on everybody else. I hope ya brought some gloves ‘cause you’re gonna need ‘em.”

I looked through the box and selected a long narrow blade and a file and sat down on the dry hard packed ground beside him.

“So you from ‘round here?”

“Yeah I grew up in Millersburg, but joined the army and moved away years ago. My family used to live just outside Millersburg for years.”

“Yeah, I used to know a Pete and Agnes McAllister. You any relation to them?”

“Yeah, they were my grandparents.”  

“They was good folks. I went to school with Agnes’s sister Irene. Back then, the Crumps used to live out on a farm on the Black Cross road. I grew up in Millersburg, and family lived down in Shiptown for years. Your pappaw was a few years older than me, and I seem to recall that his dad used to run some little grocery store.”

“Yeah pappaw used to tell me about that. It was in Carlisle for years.”

“I didn’t see ‘em all that often, but Pete used to cut baccer fer my dad a few times. He was perty fast…So yer you a fast cutter too?” said Elmer looking me over.

“Nah, I just moved back here this spring. It’s been years since I cut.”

Elmer eyes widened a bit and cocked his head to the side. “Hey you ain’t by chance that boy that dated my niece Kim are ya? There was this McAllister boy that was s’post to marry my niece, but it got called off at the last minute.”

I hesitated, and sighed, “Yeah, that was me.”

“So what happened if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I didn’t think it was the right time for me. Seems like my family, Kimberly, and all our friends wanted us to get married, but I don’t think I was ready,” I said looking down at my feet.

Elmer spat and said, “Hey, ya gotta do whats ya gotta do. Well, Kim she done got herself a new boyfriend ‘bout two months after you left her and they got married and had four kids. They be livin’ outside of Lexington now. Her husband done got himself a big fancy job selling cars.”

“I’m glad she did good.”

“Well boy, you wanna help me get some sticks laid down. The rest of the crew s’post to be here by now, but we can go on ’n get started. If they pull up, they can just holler fer us.”

Elmer opened the back of his old pick-up and the bed was filled to the brim with tobacco sticks. “Just grab as many as ya kin carry on your back ‘n I’ll shows ya what to do.”

I grabbed a big armful and the sticks wanted to fall every which way. I dropped a few on the ground and when I bent to pick them up, I dropped the rest.

Elmer snickered. “Here let me help you. Ya got ta hold ‘em together like dis.” He placed them on my shoulder. “Use dis hand ta balance ‘em and lay ‘em ‘cross your neck… yeah, like dat. You take dat row ‘n I’ll take this un. Drop ‘em long ways about 6 or 7 inches apart from each other. When ya run out, go back ‘n get more. See ya at the other end.”

Elmer flew down his row. It took me a while to get used to pushing my way through the big damp leaves without poking them with the sticks. It was harder than it looked. As I walked down the row, the big leaves brushed against my arms and I got sticky goo all over my arm hairs. The weeds were thick in places and snagged my legs as I pushed my way through. There were plants that grew well over 8 feet tall in places with stalks 5” or more in diameter. We were laying sticks for about 15 minutes when I heard some cars driving up and someone shouting. “Is any body here?”

I ran out of sticks and walked back through the tall grass towards my truck. Two cars and a truck had pulled up beside ours. Three guys stood around Elmer’s truck.

As I got closer one of the guys yelled back. “You already start cuttin?”

“Nope, just dropping sticks,” I said. My feet were damp from the dew on the grass. The sky was now a bright turquoise blue with tiny dirty blue clouds dotting the horizon. The sun rose just above the tree line and I could feel the first ray of the sun warming my skin.

One guy was thinner and shorter than the others, about 5’9”with bad teeth leaning against an old white dented car. He pulled out a pouch of chewing tobacco from his pants pocket, took a big pinch and handed it to a taller stocky blond haired kid wearing a University of Kentucky jacket standing beside him.  He shook his head and waved it off. A younger brown haired boy, somewhat thinner and not as tall, reached for the chew and said he’d  try some. A fourth guy opened the passenger side door of an old beat up grey pick-up, turned to look at me as I joined them. He was a bit older and stockier than the two boys, but not as tall, sporting a short beard.  As he lumbered towards me, I found his short dark hair and masculine features extremely attractive. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He wore a blue ball cap that was pulled down over his eyes. As he passed me, he nodded and winked from under the brim.

“Elmer said to grab a bundle of sticks out of his truck and drop ‘em in the rows,” I said.

The older guy spat on the ground and said, “Okay boys, I guess we best get started. By the way, I’m Leonard,” he said reaching out to shake my hand.

“I’m Travis.

“Howdy, these two guys here are my cousins Chet and Derek. Derek’s a big ole basketball hero from high school. Now he’s playing for UK. and Chet’s still in high school.  The two boys nodded and just said hey. “And that there’s my younger brother Jeff. He’s a hell of a baccer cutter.” Jeff smiled and nodded. “Oh well, I ‘spose we best get started,” he said.

I grabbed another big handful of sticks from the truck and slung them up on my shoulder and headed for the patch.

We dropped sticks until all the rows were covered. The hair on my arms was sticky from the gum that oozed from the leaves. It also had a strong rich smell. It felt sticky and uncomfortable and worse, it stains your clothes.

As we headed back to the truck, Elmer said, “You boys ready ta get started? I put a cooler of water up under that there tree. Ya best get a drink when ya need it, ‘cause its gonna get hot t’day.”

The other guys grabbed a knife out of the bucket he had in the truck and headed off and picked a row.

“Travis? So when was the last time ya cut baccer?” Elmer said pulling up his dirty pants

“I used to cut a little back when I was a teenager, but hadn’t done it since I was in the army.”

“Well you best watch me fer a second. Pick up one of them sticks ‘n put this here spear on the end of it, ‘n shove it into the ground with the point facing towards ya. Ya gotta hold the knife with your good hand ‘n grab the bottom of the plant with your other hand, ‘n be careful not to break off the leaves. Bend it down like this ‘n chop it in the bend. Then you grab the top part with your chopping hand, still holding the knife, ‘n try to stab the stalk part in the middle about 6 to eight inches from the end like this. It’s kinda tricky so ya have to guess. If ya split the stalk ya have to try again either further up or turn it ‘round some. Try not ta fuck it up. You think ya got it?”

“Yeah I think so.”

“Well lets see you try it.”

I shoved the stick in the ground then put the spear on the stick, then cut my first plant. I liked the feel of chopping the stalk. It took me two chops and the stalk was separated. I fumbled a bit trying to guess where the middle of the stalk was and force the middle of it down upon the spear without stabbing my hand.

Elmer looked at me and laughed. “You’ll get the hang of it. Just be careful. Don’t want ya hurtin’ yourself out here ‘cause you’re a long ways from a doctor.” Elmer crossed through the tall wet tobacco and disappeared walking towards his row. The other guys had taken off and left me. They were 4 or 5 sticks ahead of me.

An hour or two had gone by and it was hot as hell. The chopping sound faded as they sped past me. I looked up ahead and saw a wide swath had been cut perhaps 30 or 40 sticks ahead of me. The tobacco lying on the sticks was already wilting in the now hot blazing sun. I was determined to catch up with them and swung my knife smacking the stalks. I needed to get better at guessing the middle of the stalk. It made me frustrated. I cursed and kicked saying,“Fuck! Fuck! God dammit!”

I walked back to the truck all hot and thirsty. I found Jeff and Derek sitting on the ground under the shade tree drinking water. Derek, the blonde preppy guy wiped sweat and dirt from his eyes.  His buddy Jeff took off his shirt, yawned and stretched his beefy arms. He being more rugged looking than his cousin, leaned against the tree and stared at me from under his cap.

“You get your row done already?” said Derek.

“Nah, just got thirsty,” I said.

“I just finished my row. Jeff beat me by three sticks,” said Derek.

Jeff looked up at me from under the brim of his blue ball cap and grinned, “How many sticks are you from the end?” said Derek

“Ahhh I guess I must be around 15 or 20 from the end.”  

“Keep at it. You’ll get your rhythm,” said Jeff.

I walked up to the cooler and got a cup of cold water from the tap. Derek stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants.

“I gotta get back if I wanna try to keep up with him,” said Derek.

“Don’t worry, go as fast as you want. I’ll catch up,” Jeff laughed as he readjusted his cap.

I sat down on the ground across from Jeff under a big old walnut tree. I noticed the dark hair that reached from his forearms to the knuckles of his large hands as he dangled a paper cup between his big fingers. I tried not to stare. He looked up at me smiling with big dimples.

“So how do you know Elmer?” he said.

“I just met Elmer today. Darrell Franklin called me up and said that I should call Tom Layson.”

“Oh yeah? Tom Layson owns this here farm. He and Elmer are neighbors and usually help cut and house each other’s t’bacca. Tom’s probably at the store. He usually takes us to his house for lunch. I’ve been helping ‘em cut t’bacca since I was a kid. So you from around here?” he asked.

“Yeah, I grew up in Millersburg and joined the army when I was 18. Just moved back this past spring. My uncle left me a farm in Nicholas county.”

“You’re lucky, I moved back in with my folks when my dad had a heart attack last year. We live out near North Middletown on a tiny little farm. It ain’t easy. They’re all religious and keep pestering me to go to church.” I took out a pack of Marlboro’s from my pocket and started to light up a cigarette.

“You mind if I bum one from you?” said Jeff smiling.

“Nah go right ahead,” I said handing him one from the carton. “I’ve been trying to cut down but haven’t stopped altogether yet,” I said fumbling with my lighter. I sat back in the grass and inhaled and blew smoke out my nose. Felt so good to lie back for a moment. We finished our smokes and I leaned over towards the water cooler. I grabbed a paper cup and put it up to the tap and pressed the button filling my cup.  

Jeff sighed,“Uhh, well I guess I better get back before Derek gets too far ahead.”

He stood up adjusting and dusting the dry dirt from his pants. His ass filled out his jeans. He smacked his cap against his leg then put it on his head.  I sat and watched him saunter back towards the tobacco fields carrying his knife.

I got back up and walked back down to where I’d left off.  My hand hurt from a blister that was rubbing under my glove. I managed to finish the last 15 sticks of my row and walked back down to start another one. When I got to the end I noticed that Derek and Jeff were nearly 40 sticks ahead of me. Derek’s brother Chet was just a few sticks ahead of Elmer who had cut around ten sticks into their second row.

“So how ya doing fer your first day of cuttin’ Travis?” said Elmer.

I looked up and wiped the sweat from my forehead. “Okay I guess. I already got a damned blister on my thumb and still ain’t quite got the hang of finding the middle of the stalk.”

“Well just keep at it. You’ll get faster the more ya cut. It took me a while also and I still ain’t that damned fast,” said Elmer as he spat chaw on the ground.

I got halfway through my second row when we broke for lunch. Derek and Jeff and just finished theirs. I felt somewhat proud of myself by catching up with Elmer. He seemed impressed. I noticed that Tom Layson and another older fat guy had arrived. They’d taken the rows beside me and had gotten perhaps a 4th of the way through. We walked back towards the trucks and Tom said that his wife had made a big lunch for the whole crew.

We all piled into the back of Tom’s Truck. He yelled out the window, ”Hold on tight boys!” Derek and Leonard sat up on the side of the bed of the truck opposite me. Chet and Elmer sat up near the front of the bed on the floor and Jeff sat near the back on the floor. It was hot and all of us were dirty stinking of mud, sweat, and tobacco. Tom and the fat man who I later learned was Earl Pagett,  Tom’s son-in-law and the brother of the constable, who had some position of power in this town. Tom sped across the bumpy fields and I held on tightly fearing that a big bump could send me flying off the truck into the dirt. The truck kicked up a big cloud of dust behind the truck. The wind felt good and cooled me off blowing my damp sweaty clothes dry. The truck neared his big white ranch style two story house. He had a big neatly mowed front lawn that was fenced off from the rest of the field and a big front porch.

We piled out of the truck. Two women were standing on the front porch to greet us. An older short grey haired woman wore a big blue apron stood beside a taller thinner woman in her forties with her blond hair tied into a bun.

“Lunch is ready. Come on in and get washed up,” said the older woman.

I held back as Chet, Derek and Leonard followed Tom and Earl inside. Jeff, Elmer and myself followed a bit behind.

Jeff turned to me and smiled, “Travis, they make some serious lunches here.”

Elmer held the screen door open for us and said, “Come on in boys, Don’t be shy.”

We walked in and were pointed towards the bathroom. In the bathroom,the other guys were crowded around the sink lathering up their hands with lava soap. It was a tight fit in this tiny bathroom. Jeff lingered behind with me as we washed our hands last.

I followed Jeff towards the kitchen table. The rest of the guys had plates in their hand, crowded around the stove digging into the pans scooping out dollops of food and piling it onto their plates.

The short plump, grey haired woman, bent over with age, approached Jeff and I and said, “Go grab yourself a plate. There’s plenty of food. Don’t be shy, eat as much as you want.”

The savory smells made me ravenous. The two women had made a feast. There was golden brown fried chicken, freshly baked cornbread cooked with bacon grease, dinner rolls, fresh green beans, mac and cheese, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes and gravy. They even baked an apple pie and a pecan pie.

Sitting at the table I had dirty thoughts, the image of plump, meaty buttocks stuffed inside dirty jeans, the wood of the chairs creaking, straining under the weight of grown men. The elder Mrs Layson and the younger woman hovering about us. “Eat up boys there is plenty of food.” Mr Layson announced again.

I had already eaten one full plate of food with two pieces of fried chicken and all that went with it. Tom was talking about how many acres of tobacco that needed to be cut while the other men bragged about how many sticks they had individually cut up until lunch.

At the insistence of Mrs Layson and Kate, the younger woman who I learned was the daughter of Mr Layson, as well as Earl’s wife, talked me into getting a second helping. Earl, the fat older man in his fifties had gone back for thirds. The two thinner guys Elmer and Chet thanked the women for such a fine lunch but begged off from having more, insisting they were full, but Mrs Layson insisted wemust at least have a piece of pie. Chet looked over at us, letting out a big sigh, and smiled as he rolled his eyes. Mrs Layson scooped a big piece of apple pie and put it on his plate and then one on Elmer’s. I was feeling quite full myself, but wanted a piece of pie. It would be hard to go back to work after such a feast.

Earl leaned back in his chair saying Ahhhh and patted his huge belly in his overalls. “That was a tasty lunch, Kate.”

“Yes thanks ma’am, that was a wonderful lunch,” I said getting up from the table feeling rather full. I walked out the front door followed by Jeff, Derek, and Elmer.

“They sure do have a great lunch,” said Jeff smiling at me.

“Yeah, if I eat a lunch like that everyday I’ll be as fat as Earl,” I said patting my stomach. I just hope I can bend over to cut tobacco after this.”

We rode back to the fields. It took me a few minutes to get back into the hang of it. I felt too full from lunch but soon I had no problem bending and chopping. I got my second wind and was able to keep up with the guys ahead of me. I wanted to impress Jeff who seemed to be the fastest guy, but I didn’t see much of him the rest of the day. At the end of the day, I noticed that Jeff and Derek had already cut their rows and left as I got back to the trucks. I was disappointed that he’d left before I could say goodbye. I noticed that my right hand had developed some big blisters even though I wore gloves. I looked back over the field of cut tobacco rows upon rows they eerily looked like golden wounded soldiers. The sticks poking up looked a bit like rifles slung on their backs  marching in formation back from some forgotten war in the dusk of that hot humid evening. There was a strange sadness in that thought.

As I was heading down the driveway to my house, Ben’s motorcycle was parked out front. It was dark and I was dirty, sore and very tired. As I walked to the front porch, I heard the TV playing and laughter. Buddy met me at the door looking up and wagging his tail. The light attracted countless moths that spun through the air like kamikaze pilots slamming into the screen with an audible tap. Everyone looked up as I walked in the door. Ben and Suzanne sat together on the couch, Bella sat on the floor with some toys, and Sam was in the chair eating Doritos.

Ben got up to give me a hug, “You look tuckered out Travis, and, whew! You smell a bit ripe.”

“Oh yeah, sore as hell! Got blisters and everything.”

“I got some supper in the fridge for you. I can go heat it up quick while you go take a nice hot shower,” said Suzanne.

“Thanks Suzanne, I am a bit hungry.”

                                August 21

I woke up the next morning stiff and sore all over and my blisters hurt. I wanted to go back to bed. Buddy pranced around the door and I let him out to pee. It was dark and foggy. I put on a change of old clothes and fixed myself a cup of coffee. Once I was dressed and had fed Buddy, I grabbed my cap and headed out the door. It was hard to see through the thick fog, and the grass was wet with dew. Driving was difficult in the fog, especially on the one-lane roads.

It was still dark out when I reached the Layson farm, two trucks were already parked near the end of the field. My pant legs were soaked as I walked through the tall grass. Earl sat on the tailgate with Elmer. Leonard and Jeff were squatting on the ground sharpening their knives.

“I see ya made it back. Gonna be ‘nother hot day,” said Elmer.

I walked over to the box of knives and grabbed one hoping to find the particular small one that I used yesterday. I grabbed a file and walked over to where the other guys sat. I was opening and closing my stiff hands.

Elmer noticed by saying, “You all stiff today Travis? I bet it’s been a long spell since ya did work like this huh?”

“Yeah, a long time. I remember it being much worse when I was a kid, though. I always seemed to get dehydrated a lot easier back then.”

“It’s easy to get dehydrated now fer guys my age too. It’s spost to be a scorcher today. Can’t be shy ‘bout drinking water,” he said spitting.

I went back and started cutting a new row. My entire body felt stiff. The dew was heavy on the plants and soon I was soaked. I tried my best to speed up. There was a competitive side to me that pushed me to attempt to catch up with Jeff and Derek. I felt if they could be fast, then so could I.

The fog burned off to blue skies and blazing sun. Soon I was wishing for a cool breeze. I’d cut two whole rows by the time Mr Layson showed up to take us to lunch. My clothes were wet with sweat and I smelled ripe with tobacco. Jeff and Derek walked past me.

Derek looked down my row and said, “Damn Travis, You almost caught up with us.”

I smiled feeling proud of myself. Jeff looked at me and gave me a quick smile. The other boys that were behind us had already gone to the truck. I hung my gloves, knife and spear on the stick and followed them back.

I sat quietly in the back of the truck feeling the wind cool me off and help dry my wet clothes. I stared at the boys who sat silent around me. Everyone was too tired to talk. Jeff sat on the opposite corner, the wind blowing his dark brown hair as he stared off into the distance. I was starting to develop a little crush on the guy.

At lunch the topic came around to girlfriends. Derek started talking about some girl he was dating and Chet talked big about some cheerleader he was seeing. Leonard, Elmer, Tom, and Earl either had a live in girlfriend or were already married.

Mrs Layson looked at me and said, “So Travis, is there a woman in your life right now?”

I was caught off guard again. I looked up from my plate and said, “No, not really, I just moved here from Chicago back in March. There’s a woman and her three kids renting the upstairs of my house right now until they can find a place of their own.”

Chet smiled and said, “So you dating some woman with kids?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. They just didn’t have a place to go.”

“Yeah, right,” said Chet chuckling. Jeff seemed interested in my response.

“Well I guess we’ll just have to see if ole Jeff here finds himself a girlfriend someday,” said Mrs Layson. “I know a nice single girl at my church.”

Jeff smiled and looked down and blushed. “I’m doing just fine on my own Mrs Layson. I’m in no hurry to get married.”

I was intrigued by his response.

I was sore as hell by the end of the day. My hands were sore and more big blisters popped up on my right hand. I’d come within three sticks of catching up with Derek and Jeff. My competitive nature pushed me to catch up and I wanted to impress the younger guys. Tom met us at the trucks and said that we’d be loading the wagons first thing in the morning. We said goodbye and I headed off home.

                              August 22

I was so stiff and sore I could hardly move by the time I got home. I only had enough energy to take a hot shower and eat dinner, and then I was ready for bed. Ben was there with Suzanne but I was too tired to talk and excused myself for bed. The next morning as I was letting Buddy out, I noticed a heavy fog again. I made myself a pot of coffee and walked out onto the back step and had a cigarette. Suzanne walked into the kitchen smelling the coffee and joined me on the step.

“You went to bed pretty early last night. I guess you were pretty tired.”

“Oh hell yeah. I can barely move this morning. My hands have never been this stiff before. So how are you and Ben getting along these days?”

“Actually I think we are doing fine. He’s a very nice guy and great in bed, but I can’t get him to open up at all about his past. I guess he must have had a rough childhood. I suppose he’ll tell me more eventually.”

I laughed and said, “Good luck with that. Ben doesn’t tell his secrets too easily.”

I finished my cigarette and walked back inside. I had the radio playing listening to the local news. “Well, I guess I best get my stuff together and head on out there. We’re supposed to start housing this morning.” Buddy started scratching on the screen door and I let him in. Suzanne said she was going to start making breakfast for the kids. I grabbed my hat, jacket and keys and headed out the front door. “See you tonight, Suzanne.”

The fog was quite heavy all the way to the Layson farm. I almost missed the turnoff. By the time I got to where the other cars were parked, Tom already had two tractors there with a wagon behind each of them. Elmer sat on one of the wagons listening to the radio while Earl was sitting on the tractor talking to Tom who stood on the ground next to him.

“So you seen the rest of the guys when you came in?” Tom said as I got out of my truck.

“No, I haven’t seen anyone ‘cept you guys.”

“Well I s‘pose they should be here anytime now.”

I was still a bit sleepy and sat on the wagon with Elmer and closed my eyes a bit until the rest of the guys showed up. About ten minutes later two trucks pulled up. Chet and Derek got out of one and Jeff and Leonard got out of the other.

“I thought I might have to come looking for you boys,” Tom said as he walked over to them.

“Yeah, well there was a bit of trouble down the road. There was a wreck and we had to wait till they cleared it off the road,” said Derek.

“Well we best get to work cause this is going to be a long day. Get up on the wagons then.”

Both tractors pulled off and we rode down to where the cut tobacco lay. I followed the first wagon as Jeff and I handed the sticks up to Elmer who stacked them carefully on the wagon. It was still rather dark and the tobacco was wet. My pants were soaked through as well as my shirt. Jeff and I ran back and forth trying to out do each other. Grasshoppers were jumping off and I saw little mice scurry away as I lifted the wilted stalks off the ground. Sometimes vines had grown on the tobacco and it was hard to pull the sticks loose. Soon we had the first wagon filled. Elmer had the wagon double stacked. Tom drove the wagon to the barn as we helped the other boys load the second wagon. Tom came with a third wagon and we loaded it as well and by that time the sun had burned the clouds away and the sun was already starting to heat things up. As we gathered the last of the cut tobacco and handed it off to Elmer who stacked it on the pile.

“Okay boys, get up on the wagon, unless you want to walk all the way back,” Said Tom.

My pants and the front of my shirt was soaked from all the dew covering the tobacco. I sat beside Jeff on the side of the wagon with my feet dangling over the edge. Elmer and Chet sat beside me on the left in silence as the tractor pulled the wagon over the bumpy dry ground running over stumps. I felt cold and damp but could feel the warmth of the two men sitting beside me. The tractor slowly pulled up to the barn and we jumped off. It came to a stop beside the stripping room. We stood around looking up into the rafters. A dank musty smell of old tobacco and dirt filled the air.

Tom looked up and said, “Well boys, Gonna start housin’ it right over there above the stripping room first. Might as well get to it. So who wants to go up in the barn?”

We looked at each other for a bit and Leonard volunteered to go up. They looked at Chet who said he was afraid of heights. I then volunteered to climb up to the upper rafters with Leonard. Jeff and Earl took the lower rails. I was on the inside set of rails with Jeff handing the sticks up to me, while Leonard was next to me on top near the wall with Earl handing the sticks up to him. Derek  was standing on the wagon handing the sticks to Chet who was standing on top of the stripping room passing them up to the guys on the lower rungs. Tom and Elmer were on the wagon picking up the sticks of tobacco from the stack. While their job was the safest, Leonard and I probably had the most dangerous and perhaps the easiest since we got every other stick. It felt a bit awkward and scary having to stand with my legs so far apart with my feet balanced on wooden beams nearly four or 5 feet wide. I had to bend down far enough for Jeff to hand me the end of the stick. Once we were handed a stick we placed either end so that it rested on one of the rails and spread out the stalks of tobacco evenly so that the air could circulate around the tobacco to cure. The height made me feel somewhat uneasy at first, but I could always grab the rail if I felt unsure. It didn’t take long before the heat of the day had us sweating. Near the roof I could feel the heat intensely. I soon had my shirt off and tucked into the waist of my jeans. I felt the sweat pouring off my body. Elmer had started telling stories as we were working. Soon the talk devolved into dirty sexual tales.

A while later we were clear of the stripping room and the tobacco had to be handed up from either the wagon or the ground. Tom maneuvered  the wagon as far back towards the wall of the barn as he could get it. At one point Derek was standing on his tiptoes trying to reach Jeff and Earl from the ground. He decided to stand on an old milk crate which made it a lot easier. By mid morning we had finished one side and moved on to the other. A few times Derek had looked up and gotten a big eyeful of the water dripping off the tobacco plants. We would hear him groan and then tell us we had to stop until his eyes cleared. A few times it got in my eyes as well and it burned. I would hurt to open your eyes with that tobacco juice in it.

We had gotten about a fourth of the way down the other side when Leonard started screaming, “Oh Fuck! There is a big ole wasps nest right here next to my head!”

I looked over and saw a dozen or more buzzing around. They looked as if they were getting agitated.

“If you don’t bother ‘em they will leave you alone!” Tom yelled back from the ground.

“Tell that to the damned wasps! They’re starting to fuck with me,” said Leonard swatting at them.

A few of them buzzed past me as well and I would duck as they flew by. I was ready to climb down at any moment. We continued for a few minutes longer when I heard Leonard yell again, but this time it was more like a scream. He started smacking at his face.

“Get out of the way! I think I hit the fucker’s nest.”

I saw the wasps swarming and I grabbed the post and climbed down the cross beams. Leonard was swatting at them then I saw him try to climb down past Earl but he slipped and heard him hit the ground with a thump.

Derek ran up to him and said, “Are you okay Leonard?”

I was nearly to the ground when I heard Earl say, “God damned wasps are on me now!”

Leonard sat up holding his side, “Fuck I think I bruised a few ribs. Knocked the air out of me. Those damned bastards stung me on my fuckin eye and neck!” Then I heard Earl say that one got him too.

Tom walked over and said, “Let me see.” He looked him over and said, “Yeah they got you good. Derek go in the strippin room and look in that cabinet. I think I might have some bug spray in there.”

Derek came back with a can of Raid. The rest of us ran to the other side of the barn.

“Hold on boys. I’m gonna get rid of dem fuckers,” said big ole Tom climbing up into the rafters. I didn’t think a big heavy guy like Tom would be so agile, but he was near the top. “Fuck, you were right. That’s a big ole nest.” He sprayed a few times and got back. “Here, hand me up a baccer stick.”

Leonard grabbed one from the small pile near the stripping room and handed it up to Tom. He climbed back up and poked at it until it fell. We walked over and looked at it. We saw a few wasps crawling over the large paper nest but they seemed to be dying.

Earl walked over and crushed it beneath his boots. “Them wasps ain’t gonna bother anybody again.”

Leonard rubbed his neck and said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I would rather stay on the ground for a while.”

Derek decided to take Leonard’s place and so they had Chet taking over for Derek, but soon he started to complain of getting tobacco juice in his eyes and he didn’t seem to have the strength to hold the tobacco above his head. He seemed to struggle. Finally Tom told Chet to get his ass up in the barn and asked me to come down and take his place. I climbed down and took over the job of handing the tobacco off to those up in the barn. At first I got tobacco juice in my eyes, but Tom told me not to look up when I handed it off to them. I think I was doing pretty good and Tom seemed to recognize my strength and endurance.

By the time lunch came around most all of the younger guys had taken off their shirts. The temperature felt like an oven in the barn and everyone was dripping with sweat and their wet bodies became covered in dirt and dried tobacco leaves. I walked out of the barn into the sunlight brushing the dirt from my arms and chest. Some had even gotten in my hair even though I wore a ball cap.

We piled into the back of Tom’s truck dusting the dirt from out clothes. Chet was laughing at Leonard talking about how funny he looked being chased by the wasps. Everyone was laughing. Leonard said we wouldn’t be laughing if they had stung them. I looked around at all those shirtless young guys joking and pushing each other in play. Sometimes I seem to forget and think that I’m one of them. I laugh when they talk about sex and pussy, but I know I’m an impostor. I see them and feel lust and they have no clue. I looked over and saw Jeff lying back against the the cab shirtless with his arms outstretched and head leaning back looking skyward, smiling and eyes slightly closed. I couldn’t stop looking at him as we rode back to the farm house. And then for a brief moment I thought I saw him looking back and a slight grin. I reacted by looking away as though it were a casual glance. The wind was whipping through our hair and it was too windy to talk. The guys just sat in silence looking off into the distance unaware that my gaze had touched their bodies.

Later that afternoon we worked up until it started to get dark. I handed  the sticks up to both Derek and Jeff and was able to keep up with both of them. We worked at a fast even pace and I felt strong and capable. By the end of the day we’d filled the entire barn. The humidity was thick and the barn felt like a jungle of a gold and green leaved canopy hanging above us. After I sent up the last stick of tobacco Tom and Elmer sighed and wiped the sweat from their faces. I watched as the dirty shirtless boys climbed down from the rafters jumping onto the bed of the wagon one by one.

Tom patted my on the back saying, “You did a good job handing up the baccer today Travis.” Chet climbed down and Tom said, “Were you okay being up that high?”

He took off his cap and said, “I really don’t like being up that high. Couple of times I was afraid I’d fall.”

“We’ll put you a little closer to the ground next time,” Tom said. “You all did a good job today. I got some beer in the cooler by the truck if you want a beer.”

Derek jumped off the wagon and hollered, Hell yeah!” Chet and Leonard followed him. Jeff was standing on the wagon brushing the dirt out of his hair and looked at me and smiled, “Lets get a beer Travis,” and patted me on the arm. It was a simple gesture, but I was developing a big crush on Jeff. He followed me outside with the rest of the guys and we stood around Tom’s truck in the twilight drinking a beer and talking about the work we had just done. It felt like a special moment for me. I was reminded of the way me and my army buddies would chat after being out on a stressful training mission. I finished my beer. The sweat was starting to dry and I was beginning to feel the chill of the late summer air. I was feeling quite tired and sore.

“Well, get in boys and I’ll drive you back to your cars. Gonna be another hard day and you need your rest. You all did a good job today,” said Tom.

I climbed in the back of his truck and this time sat right next to Jeff. I felt his thigh and back pressed next to mine. I liked the feel of his warmth and the smell of his sweat. It had gotten dark and I let myself relax as let my body sink beside his. I felt Jeff’s hand lying on his knee next to mine. He seemed to place it a bit closer to my leg than his and I didn’t make a effort to move my leg. In my mind I liked to think he put his hand there on purpose.

We got back to our vehicles and the guys were stretching and yawning. Derek called out to Chet to get in the truck. Chet was looking very sleepy. We all said bye and see you early in morning. Jeff got in the truck with Leonard and gave me a smile and a nod.  I got to my truck and watched the other guys drive away. I started my engine and followed them through the bumpy field towards the main gate. As each of them pulled out into the main road they honked their horns and sped off. I was already sore and sleepy, but I felt a special kind of contentment being part of a hard working crew. And more importantly I was starting to have special feelings towards Jeff. I turned on the radio and sang along with some old song from the Who called Baba O’Riley.

The next day at work we went back to cutting tobacco. My hands had more blisters. It was hard to move my hands. My back, my shoulders, my legs all ached. I felt my age today, yet here I was to do it all over again. The other guys looked tired also, but here we were. Mr Layson drove us to another field on his property. It was on a very remote part of his farm down over some hills far from the road. As we were riding by, I noticed an old abandoned farm house out in the middle of an open field in the distance surrounded by a little patch of trees. It looked as if they were using it to store hay. Half of the outer walls looked missing. It looked like something I would love to explore someday, especially if I were still a kid.

Everyone looked sleepy as we drove through the fog and cold morning air. The sun had not come up quite yet. I was gripping the cold wet side of his pickup trying to hold on as he rode over bump after bump. My teeth were chattering and I felt cold. I saw another big field of tobacco and Tom stopped the truck. I was glad to get out of the wind. I knew the sun would be up soon enough and I would be sweating in 90 degree heat. I reached in the back of Tom’s truck and looked for the knife I used the other day and a spear. I also grabbed a file and sat with the other guys and quickly sharpened my knife. I was determined to get a good start at cutting tobacco today. I wanted to keep up with Jeff and Derek. I wanted to have their respect as a fast cutter and to impress Jeff.

I was the first one out in the field and took the first row. I concentrated on making sure that I speared the stalk on my first try. I learned that I could slightly roll the stalk a bit and feel when the stalk was through the leaves and get it on my first try. I shoved the sticks at a sharp angle and kept the tip of the spear facing me low to the ground so that I wouldn’t waste much motion. I had observed Jeff and Derek a few days ago and noticed how they cut their tobacco the same way. When Jeff and Derek took the rows next to me, they teased me by wishing me good luck, even though I had a good head start on them. They told me that I was gonna need it because they were gonna pass me up quick. I had to go fast now since I took that as a challenge. I wasn’t about to give up my lead if I could help it. Chomp, chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp, and then grab a stick and shove it into the ground with the spear and repeat. I had found my rhythm. I kept going afraid to look back for fear of wasting a motion. I could hear them chopping the plants behind me.

After about a half hour, the sound of their chopping was not as close. I had widened a gap between me and them. I felt somewhat confident to look back and see that Jeff was maybe ten sticks behind me and Derek was closer to fifteen. They both had their shirts off and stuffed into the waists of their pants. Derek looked up and caught me staring and went back to furious cutting. The sun had already warmed the temperature up into the 80s and the other guys were dripping with sweat. Chet and Leonard were twice the distance that Derek was from me. I was starting to feel confident that I might actually beat everyone to the end of the row.

As I neared the end of my first row, I stood for a moment to straighten my back and take my cap off. I took advantage of a rare cool breeze. I looked to my left towards a distant tree-line past the ends of the other rows. Something caught my eye. I wasn’t for sure what it was at first. I thought it might have been some animal, but then as I squinted, it started to move again. It wasn’t a raccoon or possum, but much bigger and standing upright. It was the shape of a man just walking across the field in the direction the rows of tobacco went, but perhaps no more than 50 feet away. He was dressed in old-timey clothes, tall, gaunt and bearded. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and turned his head to look at me. I felt cold chills because I knew at that moment that he wasn’t alive, but one of the long dead. He turned his head back to the direction he was walking and then just faded. I took a deep breath and let it out, then went right back to cutting. Whatever giddy feeling I had from being ahead was lost now to my fear that I might see that spirit again.

It felt unbearably hot. I’d taken my shirt off and had been to the wagon to get water a few times. I knew I’d better not let myself get dehydrated. I noticed I was starting to get a tan. It was nearly lunchtime and I had gotten about twenty sticks cut on my third row when I saw the guys walking back towards the truck and breaking for lunch. I laid my knife and spear on the last stick I cut and turned to follow them to the truck.

As I was walking slowly back Elmer came up behind me and patted me on the shoulder, “What got into you today Travis? You were flying past us all.”

“Well when Derek said they were going to catch up and beat me, I just couldn’t let them do that. I guess I’m a bit competitive when it comes to a challenge.”

He laughed, “Well you put us all to shame today.”

We got back to the truck and I noticed that Chet had been lying there. “What is wrong with Chet?” I asked.

“He’s okay. I think he got too hot,” Derek said. “I can’t believe you kept ahead of us. Jeff and I were doing all we could trying to keep up.”

I smiled, “Well, I couldn’t very well let you beat me after what you guys said to me this morning.”

I saw Jeff leaning against the truck and when he saw me he just smiled and started nodding his head with a sly look. We all piled into the truck and I was happy with myself. It seemed as if I had gained a degree of respect among the other guys. I was something I had always craved as a gay man who wanted to fit in. I suppose it all started when I would hear people say that gays were not “real” men as if we were something less than a man. As I sat there in silence with the wind drying my sweat, there was still this nagging thought that these guys still didn’t know the true me. I still felt like an impostor because I chose to tell only certain people close to me of my homosexuality. When I was younger I had assumed that coming out was only a one time thing, but that was far from the truth. It is an ongoing process and difficult each and every time. Just like the army, I felt as if this was not the best environment to expose myself.

At lunch, all the guys were talking about what a good worker I was. Derek still vowed that he would be able to catch up to me after he had eaten a good lunch, but by the end of the day, he never did. Tom’s wife kept hovering over Chet at lunch. She kept telling him to drink more water and to be careful. She scolded Tom telling him to watch over Chet because he was just a young kid. Chet was a bit embarrassed by all the attention. When we got back to the field, we all ribbed Chet by imitating Mrs Layson’s voice, “Oh, we must look after the young Chet because he is such a fragile boy.”

We all laughed when Elmer said, “Did ya drink enough water, fragile boy?”

Chet got red in the face and said, “Fuck, I just got too hot and I ain’t no fuckin’ fragile boy!”

                       August 25 Saturday

When Saturday came we spent the day housing tobacco. They had me on the wagon handing up to the guys in the rafters all day long. Mr Layson seemed impressed that I had the strength and endurance to do it all day long. I was tired and sore but it was a matter of pride for myself that I not appear weak. I think I was starting to get used to the work and wasn’t as sore.  

During the day I heard some of the guys talking about going to some outdoor party. I was looking forward to going home, taking a nice hot shower and sitting on my porch swing with some iced tea and Buddy. As I handed up the last few sticks to the guys in the rafters, Chet climbed down the rafter and jumped onto the bed of the wagon.

“Woo Hoo! I’m glad to be off that top rail. It was hot as hell up there and I hate being up that high. He started brushing the dirt and tobacco leaves from his clothes.

The other guys came clambering down and Tom told us what a fine job we did. “Boys, I got a cooler out there with beer and pop. Go ahead and have one if you like.”

We gathered outside the barn by Tom’s truck. Most everyone grabbed a beer except me and Leonard. Leonard was not a drinker and alcohol is not something I want when I feel hot and dehydrated. Chet and Derek were talking again about a party they were going to at some local abandoned house in the country that got burned in a fire. They asked Leonard and Jeff to go along. Leonard said that he had no desire to go out drinking and told Jeff he had best come home, but Jeff seemed interested.

I was standing by Elmer when Derek walked over and patted me on the shoulder, “So Travis, there’s this get together. Me and some of my friends got a keg and we’re meeting at the old Randall farm. It’s off the road and the police never go there. You should go with us. It would be fun and there’s gonna be lots of girls there.”  

I shook my head and said, “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I’m tired, dirty and sore. I don’t need to be going to no party.”

Jeff walked over and said, “So you going with us Travis?”

“Nah, It is not my thing.”

“Oh come on. Go with us. You don’t have to stay very long. It’ll be fun.”

Finally I said, “Yeah maybe just for a little while.” It was nice to have gotten asked by Derek to go to some party, but the only reason I decided to go was because I wanted to hang out with Jeff.

Everyone else had taken off for home. Derek told me to follow him in my truck. I was having second thoughts. Derek kept driving way too fast and it had already gotten dark. A few times I felt like just stopping and turning back especially when Derek got too far ahead. Finally I caught up and he turned off onto some gravel road. I followed him towards an old burned out house that was still standing with part streaks of black and charred wood around the windows. There were about ten or twelve cars and trucks parked out from and I saw the light of some small fire around back. I parked my truck beside Derek and watched as he got out. Two girls and a guy came from back of the house. One of the girls ran up and gave Derek a big hug. Jeff and Chet got out of the truck and they all stood around talking. I sat in my truck thinking I’d made a mistake. Derek looked at me and waved for me to get out.

Jeff walked up to my window and said, “You can hang out with me. I don’t know these people either.”

I agreed and followed them around back to a small bonfire surrounded by mostly high school and college age kids. I hung out there maybe a half hour while Derek, Jeff and Chet all drank heavily. There was two kegs of beer and someone brought hard liquor. I had one cup of beer and then someone started passing around a pot pipe. Someone told a few of the kids that I’d been in the Army. Two girls Tina and Brianna and some college guy named Dino kept asking me about Iraq. I saw Jeff walking off with two other guys who were whispering in his ear. It made me feel somewhat uneasy. Derek seemed to be quite the popular man with the girls as well as the guys. He was tall, good looking, as well as a high school sports hero and his brother Chet seemed to struggle with his own identity being always under his brother’s shadow. I felt somewhat sorry for Chet. I watched as he got drunk and started to brag to his friends as the girls seemed to ignore him.

Jeff came back to the fire a little while later. He appeared to be rather drunk and stumbling. He walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder. I was a little shocked. “Travis, I’m so glad you came. How do you like this party?” He was drinking a cup of whiskey and spilled some on my shirt.

“I don’t know. I’m thinking about leaving soon. I’m tired from today and feel dirty.”

“Oh don’t go yet, man. Have another beer.”

“I think I’ve had enough. I’ll probably be going home soon because I’m hungry and tired.”

I said I had to take a piss and Jeff followed me. I started to piss and he stood right next to me, our shoulders touching. I realize when guys get drunk they feel free to be a bit closer and express their emotions, but it felt as if Jeff was getting a bit too close. I caught him staring at my dick as I pissed and it wasn’t something a straight guy normally does. We went back to the fire and Derek and his friends were there. Chet seemed a bit drunk and boastful. He always seemed to try to impress his friends. Derek started talking to me and then I saw Jeff walking a few yards away and he started puking in the grass. I told Derek that I was planning to drive home. Jeff came stumbling back to the fire and fell. Some of the kids started laughing at him.

He stood up shaking his head and laughing claiming not to have seen the root. He started rubbing his head and said he needed another beer.

Derek looked at Jeff and said, “Dude, you can barely stand up. I think maybe you should stop.”

“Why? I don’t have to work tomorrow.”

“Jeff, I don’t want to talk about this and I drove you out here.” Derek turned to me and whispered, “Travis, since you are planning to leave, could you do me a favor and take Jeff home? I know it is a lot to ask, but Jeff doesn’t know when to stop and I don’t think he will listen to me.”

Derek went back and stood by his girlfriend. I walked over to Jeff and told him I was leaving. He tried to talk me into staying.

I looked at Jeff and said, “Hey come on, Jeff. Let me drive you home. I think we both had enough.” Like a little kid Jeff agreed to go with me. We said goodbye to everyone and I helped Jeff to my truck. Before we got to my truck he had to throw up again. I put my arm around him and said, “You okay Jeff?”

He looked up at me and said, “I guess I’m kinda drunk. I hope I didn’t make too much a fool of myself. Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad, I just didn’t want to see you hurt yourself.” We both got in my truck and I made him put his seat belt on. “I should get you home. Both of us were drinking on an empty stomach. I think that’s why you got so drunk so fast.”

I turned the radio on and Jeff started singing along. Then as he was singing he put his arm around me and looked at me all serious.

“You’ve been a good friend to me. I love you man.”  

I didn’t know what to think. I shook my head and said, “I like you too Jeff.”

There was a seriousness to his look, almost as if he was holding something back that he wanted to tell me but couldn’t. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine I felt some inner pain. For some reason Jeff became tearful and kept apologizing for crying. I didn’t know what to say, then I said, “Come here. I think you need a hug.” Jeff leaned into me and I put my right arm around him.” He started to cry a little and then I noticed he seemed to have fallen asleep. I put my right arm back on the wheel and let him lie against me. On the way to North Middletown I enjoyed feeling him lying next to me. His vulnerability made me feel a bit protective of him. As I got closer, I woke him up.

“Jeff, Jeff are we close to your house? Wake up, you gotta show me where you live.”

Jeff opened his eyes.“Was I asleep long?”

“No, just a few minutes.”

“Did I do anything crazy?”

“No, you was just a little a drunk.”

He started to give me directions and I pulled up to some old blue house on the edge of town on a small lot. “Thank for taking me home Travis. you are a good friend. See you on Monday.”

“Sure thing Jeff. You best get yourself inside get cleaned up and go to bed. I will see you Monday morning.”

It was a bit late by the time I turned off to onto the gravel road that led to my house. I noticed that the lights were off. I saw Ben’s motorcycle and parked beside it. As I walked towards the porch it was quiet except for the crickets that were chirping. Then I heard Ben’s voice.

“Hey those guys must have worked you guys way late.”

I saw the silhouette of Ben and Suzanne sitting on the porch swing. Buddy got up and ran up to greet me. “Not too late,” I said.

“What you guys doing out here?”

“It was too hot inside we all came out to sit on the porch to cool off,” said Ben.

“Actually I got invited to an outdoor drinking party at some abandoned farm house,” I admitted.

“Oh, do tell. This sounds like a good story.”

“Well I didn’t plan on going, but the guys seemed to really want me to go… And uh, there is this guy at work that I sorta have this secret crush on who asked me to go along.”

“A boyfriend?” said Suzanne.

“No, this guy is handsome and sweet, but he has no idea I like him. I’m not out to anyone here.”

“So did you have fun?”

“Yeah, at first I felt uneasy, but by the time I left, things seemed nice.”

“I’m glad. Anyway I have some supper waiting for you in the fridge. Saved you some meatloaf and potatoes.”

“Thanks Suzanne, I think I’ll have some of that once I take a hot shower.” I left them sitting there with Ben sitting with his arm over Suzanne’s shoulder. They looked sweet together.

                         Monday August 27

On Monday morning I drove to the Layson farm. Leonard, Jeff and Elmer were sitting in their trucks waiting for everyone to arrive. I got out and walked over to Elmer’s truck.

Elmer sat sharpening his knife and said, “I heard you boys went to some party at the old Randall farm. Must have been some party. I heard tell the police showed up and and busted some kids for underage drinking and drug use. I also heard that one girl is in the hospital because she riding in the car with some guy who was drunk at that party.”

“Yeah, we were there. I left early though before all that stuff happened.”

Jeff spoke up and said,” I didn’t stay either. Travis gave me a ride home.”

Leonard shook his head and said, “You two shouldn’t have gone in the first place. If they would have caught either one of you guys there they would have arrested you for contributing to the delinquency of a minor because of all that underage drinking. You know mom would have been so pissed if you’d gotten yourself arrested Jeff.”

I saw some headlights and two trucks pulled up and parked in the field beside us.

Tom got out of the first truck and said, “You guys been waiting long?”

“I been here ‘bout 15 minutes, these other guys just showed up right before you came,” said Elmer.

Derek and Chet got out and walked over. “Dude, you guys missed all the crazy shit,” said Chet all excited. “Right after you left more kids showed up and everybody was way drunk. Then this guy named Brad picked a fight with my friend Terry from school and Derek broke it up. The police came after that when they noticed that the bonfire got too big and they saw the flames from the road.”

“Yeah, and Dino and Brianna were in an accident,” Derek added.

“Was anybody hurt?” I asked.

“Yeah, Brianna broke her ankle and Dino had a concussion and the car was totaled,” Derek said.

“Nuff talk about the damned party. Bout time we got started cuttin some tobacco,” said Tom.

I reached in the back of Tom’s truck and got a knife and spear.

“So where’s Earl? Is he coming?” Elmer said spitting.

“No, Earl called me this morning said he got food poisoning from something he ate at some church picnic yesterday. From what I heard the whole church got the shits,” said Tom chuckling. “Well anyway ‘bout time we get started.”  

After we sharpened our knives we headed out to cut the last field of tobacco on his farm. I was the faster cutter of them all, but I held back a little so that I could stay even with Jeff. I enjoyed watching him shirtless as his golden skin sweat in the hot sun. By mid morning I walked back to the beginning of the rows under the shade trees by the fence to where Tom had placed the water cooler. I took a cup and filled it with water and sat down in the soft grass under a big hedgeapple tree. I looked up and saw Jeff walking towards me through the tall grass past the rows of cut tobacco. He smiled as he got closer and got himself a cup of water and sat down beside me. We sat in silence for a while and then he looked over at me.

“Travis, I’m sorry about the other night. I was drunk and stupid. I don’t remember much about the other night. Did I do anything too crazy?”

“No you were fine. You just seemed a bit sad is all and fell asleep for most of the ride home.

There was another long silence and it seemed that there was something on his mind.

“So are you married Travis? A girlfriend maybe?” he said as he broke the silence. I was caught off guard.

“Uhhh no, I was engaged once years ago back when I was eighteen before I joined the army, but no I haven’t had a girlfriend since then.So what about you Jeff? I’m sure you have plenty of girls after you?”

He sat staring forward looking off towards the cut tobacco and rubbing his chin. “I had a few girlfriends in high school, but no one really special.”

“You don’t date now?” I asked.

He shook his head no. He looked over at me with a curious look, met my gaze, smiled and then looked away. His left arm was resting on his thigh and he slowly moved it so that the side of his pinky finger brushed my leg. He kept it there for a few seconds then moved his hand ever so gently to where his palm rested on my knee. I moved my right hand slowly till it lightly touched his hand. When I did that he pulled away. I looked over at him and reached to touch his hand. He turned and looked into my eyes. Neither one of us said a word. In silence we sat staring deep into each others eyes as I held his hand. He was bathed in dappled sunshine. I felt my erection growing in my pants and looked down and saw a similar one rising on Jeff. I quickly looked back towards the rows of tobacco in fear that someone might be watching, but I saw nothing. Jeff looked back as well knowing full well the danger. He took his hand and reached towards the tent on my crotch. I felt electricity flow through my body and my breathing increased with a gasp. I responded by reaching for his crotch and giving it a gentle firm squeeze. I heard a slight audible moan coming from him as I did this. At that moment his eyes darted back towards the cut tobacco and then towards my eyes. He had a desperate wanting look, then quickly took his left hand and placed it behind my head. He leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss. He released his touch and sat looking forward again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I looked at him and said, “Don’t be. I’ve wanted to do that the minute I saw you.”

Suddenly we turned towards one another and kissed each other deeply on the lips and held each other in our arms.

He broke away and said, “I can’t do this here.”

I sat up looking back saying, “I know. We have to be careful.” I stood up and adjusted my pants. “I guess we should be getting back,” I said

“Yeah, I hope no one saw us,” he said, “But I want to do it again sometime.”

During the rest of that week I felt giddy. I thought of Jeff all through the day and during breaks we would go back to get water and duck behind bushes and passionately kiss and fondle each other’s bodies. I loved the smell of his musky sweat and the feel of his stubble against my lips. He felt so muscular and lean as I felt his body through his clothes. It was hard to break the passionate spell that came over us.

“One day,” I whispered in his ear, “We need to plan something soon. I don’t want to get caught doing this here.” But for some reason the fear of getting caught made these moments very exciting. No one seemed to notice the secretive glances we gave each other. I’d be cutting tobacco and look over at him and he would give me a quick wink and I would give him a quick smile. This secret romance was blossoming hidden from everyone just out of view.

As the weekend drew closer, we talked about wanting to meet in private somewhere. Sitting under that hedgeapple tree we talked able getting together on Saturday night. I told him that maybe he should follow me to my farm. He could spend the night and stay until the next day. But for some reason he didn’t feel comfortable with that. He was so closeted that he told me I was the only one in the world that knew his secret. He confessed to me that he had felt so much guilt over his secret shame. He said he couldn’t deal with life if his parents were ever to find out. I understood his fear all too well. I’d lived in fear of being found out the entire time I’d been in the army. Finally I got the idea of meeting at that old abandoned farm house here on Layson’s farm. There was no gate to the road that led to this part of his farm and we could easily drive to the tree-line, park our vehicles and walk to the old house. No one ever had to know. So the plan was made and I looked forward to Saturday night.