Saturday, July 24, 1926 Kansas City

I sat staring at my reflection in the mirror, as I applied the finishing touches to my make-up. I liked that the make-up hid my wrinkles. I was smiling through my sad face. The boss was so impressed with my performances, that he gave me an extra 5 dollars after each show. 

Ambrose looked over at me and said, “You’ve become a rising star these days, Harvey. That’s something to be proud of,” he said, trying on his new costume. “That music of yours hath charms to soothe the savage beast.”

“I think you mean breast. The word is breast,” I said, noticing his confused look through the mirror.

“No, that doesn’t make any sense. A breast is anything but savage. It is soft, subtle and easy on the eyes,” said Ambrose, pretending to fondle an imaginary one in the air.

“Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. I’ve read that things inanimate have mov’d, and as with living souls, have been informed, by magic numbers and persuasive sound. What then am I? Am I more senseless grown than trees or flint? Oh force of constant woe! Tis not in harmony to calm my griefs. Anselmo sleeps, and is at peace: Last night the silent tomb received the good old King. He and his sorrows now are safely lodged within its cold, but hospitable bosom. Why am I not at peace?” I said, quoting from a line of a play I had memorized long ago.

“Oh my! My dear sad clown is a much learned man. Tell me Harvey, did you once have ambitions of being an actor? At first I took you for a fool, but you are a man of many talents. Tell me, where did you learn that wonderful line? I’d like to use that on Miss Melody,” he said, eagerly.

“It’s a line from William Congreve’s, Mourning Bride. It’s in this book of British playwrights,” I said, pulling the book from my bookshelf and handing it to Ambrose.

“I do so love reading your books, Harvey,” he said, smiling. But then he noticed my hand shaking as I held the book. “What is wrong with your hand?”

“I get the shakes when I stop drinking. I get nervous and depressed. I don’t know how long I can go before this gets worse,” I said, scrunching my face as tears welled in my eyes.

Ambrose smiled, and took the book, placing it on his bed and walked over, and sat beside me on my bed, placing his arm around my shoulder. “Harvey, I’m here to help you through this. I see that you can’t do this alone.”

At the show, I led the elephants into the Bigtop. The crowd screamed and rose to their feet with applause. I looked about the crowd and saw that they were clapping for me.  Posters for the show announced the amazing Fiddler Clown with the magical musical ability to calm savage beasts. I led them around the ring playing my mournful tunes as they danced and swayed to the music. 

Halfway through the performance, I was craving a drink. I was having trouble holding the bow and couldn’t think straight. I looked over at Ambrose who gave me a thumbs up. He could tell I was having trouble. Somehow I managed to make it through the show, and tried to rush back to the trailer. As always I was stopped by those who would congratulate me. Eddie Bee and Devine, the fat lady, stopped me as I was about to exit the tent.

“Harvey, my dear, you were simply magnificent. It was mesmerizing how you got those elephants to do all those tricks while dancing to your music. You surely have a great gift,” she said, grabbing my hand. 

Eddie Bee just smiled and thanked me for making the elephants so gentle, as he had the dangerous task of riding on Rosie’s back. I tried to excuse myself when the boss, Raymond Addler, walked up to me smiling and pulled out another 5 dollar bill.

“Great job tonight, Harvey. The crowd loved it. Keep this up and you will make a fortune,” he said, slapping me on the back and handing the five.

Other people noticed and started to swarm in, but Ambrose suddenly swooped in and said, “Sorry folks, but good ole Harvey here is needed. Come Harvey,” he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me away.

“Who wants me this time?” I asked, all dumbfounded.

“No one. I came to rescue you. I saw that you were having problems and was worried that you would run off to buy a drink.”

“Oh Ambrose, I do need a drink bad. I don’t know how long I can hold out,” I said, hoping he would buy me a drink.

“Exactly why I’m bringing you back to the trailer. I’m gonna help you fight this. Can’t allow you to ruin your chances at stardom. We need you sober,” he said, pulling me along. 

The next few days were rough, and the shakes got much worse. Ambrose tended to me in the trailer. I yelled and I cursed for him to just let me be, but he insisted that I stay sober, and followed me everywhere. He enlisted the help of Eddie Bee and Hercules to watch me around the clock to make sure I didn’t go looking for a drink. Our next destination was Jefferson City. Everyone had had a vested interest in my sobriety.