I woke up feeling crappy. My thoughts were muddled and the pain between my eyes was worse, so I got dressed and thought it best to have it checked out. I arrived at the veterans hospital sometime around 10 am. I didn’t have an appointment and was told that I would have to wait for an opening. I opened the door and caught that distinct bleach and pine-sol odor. I peered inside and caught the gaze of a dozen or so patients, some with their children, looking up either from a downward stare or peeping over the top of some magazine. My eyes locked onto a couple of young clean cut soldiers. One short, very stocky blonde with a  crew cut sat with his leg in a cast propped upon a little small table with his very pregnant wife or girlfriend.  The other taller, thinner soldier, with dark hair and a similar crew cut, chatted with his buddy in the cast.  He was hot in a movie star sorta way, and I imagine he would have girls flocking to him, as well as gays.

An empty chair separated him from a short, brown haired, overweight woman reading a fashion magazine, who looked as if she might have been really pretty at one time, but her face looked tired and worn. She had two, small, rambunctious, elementary school aged boys, one of whom was playing with a red toy truck ramming it into the leg of the table.  

On the other side of the room, next to the reception desk farthest from me, was a big black guy perhaps in his 60’s balding and fat, sitting in a wheel chair talking to an old, short, thin, white guy with missing teeth, balding head except for greying yellow hair pulled into a pony tail. He had a few days growth of beard stubble. Their conversation seemed to be pretty animated.

An empty chair separated the older white guy from a young twenty something mousy blonde haired woman wearing army dress greens nervously tapping her foot.

Next to her was a middle aged white guy with a big goatee and mullet wearing dirty jeans and a Scoal tee shirt. He was nodding off with head back against the wall. Closet to the door on my right sat an elderly white haired man and a very old thin white haired woman.

Sitting at the reception desk, a twenty something attractive dark haired woman typed away at a keyboard. I approached the desk with my eyes cast downward, the woman said, “ Sign in and write the time.” She looked up briefly and handed me a clipboard, “Fill this out and when you are done bring it back to the desk. We will try to get with you as soon as your name is called.” I reached for the clipboard as she pushed a pen towards me on the counter. I turned and looked around. I had a choice of sitting next to the hot dark haired guy, but it also meant I would have to tolerate sitting next to two very rambunctious kids or else I could sit next to the very animated white guy and the young woman dressed in a military uniform. I chose the talker hoping that I could just read a magazine since my head was killing me.

It took a while to fill the questionnaire. All that family medical history, as well as my own. I brought my DD 214 papers, drivers license and birth certificate as I was told over the phone. I returned the clipboard to the front desk and sat back down. The two guys to the left of me were yakking on and on.

A few minutes later the woman at the front desk said, “Mr Reese!…You can go back there now. We have a doctor to see you.” The black guy in the wheelchair rolled towards the offices. After their lively conversation had been abruptly ended, the old white guy looked around the room perhaps looking to chat again. I grabbed a magazine and started thumbing through the pages pretending to be deep in thought.

Before I could skim over just a few pages, I heard a crackling voice beside me.

“Hey man, what branch of the military are you?”

I responded with a short quick answer. “Army guy here.”

“Oh yeah? Three years in the army here from 1966 to 1969. Spent one tour of duty in VietNam and was about to serve a second one when I got injured. When did you serve?”

He snared me in his trap and now I had to answer. His breath reeked and I noticed most of his teeth were missing and the ones that he did have were in bad shape.

“I joined up in 1989 as a 60 gunner. I was in Kuwait.” I didn’t want to say too much. My head hurt.

“Oh yeah? See any action man?”

“Yeah, saw a little I guess.”  His eyes were probing mine as I talked.

“You guess?…”

“Yeah, I did but mostly the after effects of some bombing. Saw lots of wounded and dead Iraqis. Saw a lot of smoke from the burning wells.” I didn’t want to get into some kind of contest with this guy.

“Martin…Edward Martin” The receptionist said. The older man at the corner looked up. “The doctor will see you now.”

 We watched as the elderly guy slowly rose from the chair and crept in front of us.  The guy sitting next to me smiled, bent towards my ear, touched my arm and whispered. “Damn! I wonder which world war he was in?”

The deep valleys of his crows feet made him look somewhat cute. When the guy put his hand on my shoulder, I saw a Flash…

                     June 1968 South Korea

It was dark as I sat up in my cot gasping for air. Across the room  my buddies fast asleep in their cots.  In the dream I stood on some old porch talking with my cousin Cassandra who appeared young and beautiful with a pet possum. Not at all like the catatonic shell she became after the illness. She said I would repay a debt with my farm. It felt so real. I rolled over hoping to get some needed sleep, but minutes later the lights flashed on.

“Rise and shine soldiers. We have a busy day ahead,” said Sgt. Hatch.

I felt groggy and rolled back over.

“Corporal Thomas, Do we have a problem this morning soldier?”

I sprang out of my cot wiping my eyes, “No sergeant!”

“Good, then get your sorry ass out of that bunk and get yourself dressed and shaved. Your leave doesn’t start till tomorrow.”

“Yes Sergeant!” I got up and ran to the showers. Hunter was drying off and whacked me with his towel.

“Dude, so where are you taking leave?” said Hunter.

“I’m taking a hop to Bangkok.”

“Ah so you gonna get you some of that sweet Asian pussy?”

“Yeah, maybe. Me, Bains, Avery, and Tully are heading out O six hundred tomorrow.”

“Damn, I wish I was going with you guys. I already took leave last month to see my girl back home.”

I winked and said,“Well, that’s what you get for going off and getting married.”

“You fucker,” said Hunter shaking his head.

I left the steamy shower to shave my face. I looked in the mirror and was momentarily shocked to see a stranger staring back at me. I remembered that in the dream, I was dying in a swamp. I hoped it wasn’t a premonition of things to come. I shook it off as just a dream.

I got dressed in my gym clothes and ran down to join the others in formation for our morning run.

“Thomas, I see you decided to join us this morning.”

“Yes Sergeant.”  My buddies looked on smiling. I stood in formation as Hunter kicked my ankle.

“You trying to get in trouble the day before your leave?” he whispered.

We ran five miles in the early morning darkness singing cadence.  The dream faded and my thoughts focused on our trip to Thailand. I felt keenly aware of the ease of my steps and the energy of youth as I ran beside those men who meant most to me. I contemplated the beauty of the moment.

The next day I signed out with my buddies Tully, Bains, and Avery. We took a bus to Osan air force base about 40 miles south of Seoul, all decked out in our dress greens. We arrived at the airfield around 7 am. It was likely that we would have a long wait, but luckily the 9 o’clock flight to Bangkok was not full. The plane landed in Bangkok around noon. The humidity and heat was horrible once we got off the plane. Me and my buddies wanted to check into a hotel as quickly as possible to shower and change out of our hot dress greens and into our civvies. We found a taxi driven by a lively young Thai kid.

“Hi, I’m Sami. You GIs horny? You look for pussy? I know where you can find good time real cheap.”

Pvt Bains, a tall, thin, blond kid from Alabama and the youngest of us four said, “Sami, right now we just want to get to a hotel to change clothes. It’s hot as hell here, but I sure want to check out a few whore houses later once we get something to eat and change our clothes.”

“Yeah, me too.  Where is a good cheap hotel?” I said.

“I take you to good place. Maybe I come back and take you to get pussy later then?” said Sami.

We put our bags in the trunk and hopped in. Sami sped through the streets weaving in and out of traffic. I covered my eyes a few times thinking he might crash, but he managed to get us to a hotel.

“This place is good. Many GIs come here,” said Sami.

The meter indicated 102 baht. “Damn, how much is that in dollars?”said Tully fumbling through his wallet.

“You gav me two dolla. That’s about right,” said Sami. “I be back in one or two hours. You be ready Okay? I take you to best pussy in tawwn.”

Tully handed Sami the two bucks. He smiled and sped away.

“Dude I think he charged too much. I think we need to exchange our money for bahts. These guys are just out to make a buck,” said Bains.

We got two rooms for a cheap price. Two of us each shared a room. I got a room with my best pal Tully, a tough, red headed kid from Oklahoma, while Bains took a room with Avery, the tall, black kid from Philly who had a very deep voice and a gap in between his upper front teeth. I was happy to take a shower and to change into my civvies. It was so humid that it felt like I needed another shower. I wore short pants and a white button down shirt but left the buttons undone. I looked out the window and saw a restaurant across the street. Tully was still in his boxers parading around the apartment flexing his biceps.

“Oh fuck yeah! These girls will be screaming when they get some of this,” he said grabbing his crotch.

“Yeah I suppose they will,” I said, pretending not to notice. Tully did have a pretty big one. I never had a girl complain about mine, but it was far smaller and I wished it was bigger.

“Well you ain’t got nothin to worry about dude. The girls back at base always like you,” said Tully.

“I guess they can’t resist my bull shit,” I said, winking at him.

“Well it’s our mission to get Bains laid this trip. We’re gonna get some hot hooker to pop his cherry.”said Tully, putting on his trousers. I waited till he got dressed and he joined me in the hallway. We knocked on Avery’s door. The door opened and Bains stood putting on a dress shirt.

“Do you think this is too much?” said Bains, buttoning the top button.

“Dude we don’t have to impress a girl if we are paying for it. Just wear what you want,” said Tully.

“Where’s Avery? Ain’t he ready yet?” I said.

“He’s been in the bathroom. He says his stomach hurts,” said Bains.

“What? We just got here. How can he be sick already? Jesus Christ! Avery!… Get your sorry ass out here. We’re going to eat, get drunk and get laid, and that means you too bud,” said Tully, waving his arms.

The bathroom door popped open. Avery stood in the door in just his boxer shorts. The smell of shit was ripe in the air. “Seriously guys, I feel like crap right now. You better go on without me. If I feel better I’ll join you guys later,” said Avery, grimacing and holding his stomach.”

“Okay, your loss my friend. We’re outta here,” said Tully.

We hurried down to the lobby and crossed the street. There was a restaurant that served fish and noodles. The food was really good and cheap. We walked back across the street and sat out front of our hotel.

“Do you think Sami will show up?” said Bains.

“Hell if I know,” said Tully.” But if he ain’t back this way soon, I’m taking another cab.  I ain’t waitin around all night to get some pussy.”

We sat there with some old couple in the shade for about 20 minutes when the red taxi showed up. The man rolled down the window and it was Sami.

“Hey GI. You ready to get best pussy in Bangkok? I take you guys to best whore house around. The girls love GIs,”  said Sami.

Tully jumped up. “What are we waiting for!”

We piled into the cab, excited like children. Tully punched Bains in the arm, “You’re getting laid tonight!”

Sami sped through the streets of Bangkok weaving in and out of traffic. I gripped the back of the seat a few times out of fear.

“Hey Sami could you slow it down a bit. I wanna get there in one piece,” said Tully, raising his voice.

“Don’t worry guys. I get you dere reary fas. I bes driver in town,” he said smiling back at us.

The inside of his taxi was decorated with lots of colorful knink knacks. A dancing bobble-head girl with a grass skirt sat on his dashboard. Colorful fake flowers adorned the walls. A small golden buddha sat in the back window and to the left was a many armed Shiva statue holding candles perching upon one leg. The streets of Bangkok were busy with people in colorful clothes. Many people rode motorcycles and bikes. I even saw a few carts pulled by oxen. He drove past a colorful shrine with a golden statue in the middle and people had adorned it with fresh flowers.

About ten minutes later Sami pulled up in front of a big pink building with lots of windows. There was a colorful garden out front and bare ground where people had trampled the grass.  We got out of the cab and Tully paid Sami.

“I come get you guys layta okay?”

He sped off in the taxi and suddenly we were swarmed by these feminine boys who dressed like girls.

“Hey GIs you wan to try some of dis? I show you a fun time,” said a tall slender boy.

One of the boys walked up to Baines and said, “I like you. You really cute. I show you a good time.” He rubbed up against Baines and kissed his face. Baines recoiled and turned away. A smaller boy in a polka dot dress came up to Tully who shook his head no and put up his hands.

“We’re looking for real pussy, phooying. You understand?” said Tully.

The boy smiled and pointed to the pink building, “Lots of pussy in dere.”

The boys walked off down the street. We were laughing at Baines. He looked a bit freaked out by the encounter.

“Dude those girls looked ugly,” said Baines

“That’s because they weren’t girls lover-boy. Those were chicks with dicks,” Tully chuckled.

We walked up to the big colorful pink building called the Black Orchid. Just inside the door we were met by an older woman who led us to a booth. We ordered drinks, but Tully had already had a few in the motel room before we left. My heart pounded and my hands were sweaty.

Tully strained his neck looking around, “Where are all the girls? I didn’t come here to sit and drink.”

The older woman came back followed by a six young women who sat down at the booth and crowded around us. Tully put his arm around one of the girls and said, “Hey baby, I want to have some fun with you.”

Baines held his head down and smiled. Two girls sat on either side of him and one of the girls put her hand down on his lap. He jerked back and grabbed her hand.

“You no like girls?” she said.

He blushed and started to mumble.

Tully spoke up and said, “No, he likes girls okay. He’s just a virgin.”

Both girls looked at each other and giggled. An older woman sitting in the back of the room rushed to his side and shooed the other two girls away.

“You come with me. I take good care of you. I show you good time GI.” She stood up and took his hand. “Come whiff me GI.”

Baines eyes were wide with fright as if he were being led away to his execution. Tully yelled out, “Fuck her good!”  

Tully sat at the booth kissing both of the girls and asked how much for both of them. The older woman said 2000 baht. He looked a bit puzzled and opened his wallet. He asked me how much that was in US dollars and I said it was about 50 bucks.” He handed the woman the money and followed the girls to a private room.

A small thin girl who looked to be no older than fourteen snuggled next to me and smiled.

“How old are you?”

“Me old enough. Do you like me GI?”  She finally admitted that she was 20 years old, but I wasn’t sure I believed her. She took my hand. “You go upstairs whiff me. I show you really good time.”

I got up and followed her upstairs to a room. I was met at the door by the older woman who had me pay before I went inside. Once inside the door the girl took her clothes off and proceeded to undress me. I didn’t feel comfortable having sex like this. I decided to keep my clothes on and just wanted to lie on the bed and hold her in my arms. She thought it was strange, but I just wanted company.  We lay down on the small cot together and I spooned her in my arms. I asked her questions about her life and family. As we lay there, she fell asleep. Apparently I had two hours to spend. I thought of my girlfriend back home and pretended that she was lying asleep in my arms. My face rested on the pillow and I could smell the perfume of her hair.

After a short while the door opened, “Everything Okay GI?” said the older woman.

“Yes, we’re fine. Close the door,”  I said, irritated at being interrupted. The girl woke up and looked at the clock. She looked worried. “We haven’t been here very long. Come back to bed.”

She looked towards the door. “You no want to fuck?”

“No, I just want to lie here on the bed with you.” She nervously lay back down and continued to stare at the door. A while later the door opened again and the woman came in with an angry expression.

“You no have sex you leave.”

I tried to argue, but the older woman would have none of it. “Give me a minute to get dressed.” She closed the door and I whispered to the girl. “Can I see you again.”

“You come back here at three. Meet me out back of building.”

I put on my shirt and shoes and walked out the door waving to the girl. “What’s your name?”

“Jaree,” she said waving back.

I ran down the stairs and found Tully and Baines sitting in the lobby.

“Hey cowboy. You were there a long time. You have fun?”

“Yeah, it was nice,” I said. “How did it go for you guys?”

“Well my boy here lost his cherry and the two girls were wild as fuck. They wanted to do kinky shit I never even heard of. I’m ready to get good and drunk,” said Tully.

We walked down the street to a little tavern. In the bar we decided to play darts. Afterward Tully met some locals and got involved in a poker game. We were all getting rather drunk, but Tully got arrogant after winning a hand and an argument took place. Tully called the guy a lying gook. Suddenly the guy jumped up in Tully’s face and Tully punched him on the ear. Then a pack of guys pounced on him. I came to his aid and hit one of the guys in the chest, then tried to pull another guy off of Tully. The manager started yelling, “You go now! You go now GI!” and threatened to call the police. Baines stumbled out the door drunk and puked in the grass. Tully wanted to go back inside to fight them, but I persuaded him to go back to the hotel. We walked a few blocks and waved down a taxi. He drove us back to the hotel.

Later that night around two AM, after Tully had fallen asleep, I got dressed and headed back to the Black Orchid. I wanted a chance to meet Jaree outside of her job. Things seemed a bit different in the city at night. I asked the taxi driver to drop me off at the corner in a back alley across from the Black Orchid. I arrived at the corner a quarter to three and stood waiting for a good long time. It felt like an unsafe area, but I wanted to see her.

Suddenly a young Thai guy walked up to me yelling, “Hey GI what you do here?” He seemed very drunk and maybe a bit crazy. I remember him from the bar. “You got money yeah?” The guy pulled out a knife. I was shaking. “Give me money now!”

As I fumbled in my pants pocket for my wallet the guy took the knife and jabbed it into my stomach. I felt an unbearable sharp pain and doubled over. He jabbed me a few more times repeatedly, then grabbed the wallet I dropped at my feet and ran off down the street into the darkness.  I felt a dull sickness come over me. I was afraid I was dying. I couldn’t scream as I lay on the ground clutching my stomach. I felt the warm blood flowing through my fingers.  I crawled into the bushes, the shadows of the shrubs concealed me from the road. I felt dizzy and thought of my family. My death seemed inevitable.

I lay there in the bushes for what seemed an eternity. Some people walked by but I was too weak to call out and they passed me by. I was barely conscious and moaning when I heard footsteps again. I  whispered, “Help me, help me.” I could see   the man looking around. I whispered again. “Oh god, please help me.” The man turned and looked towards the bushes. He knelt down to me and turned me over.

“What happened to you?”

“I’ve been stabbed. Please help me.”

“Don’t worry buddy I’m going to get you to a doctor. Just hang in there,” he said, then everything went dark.

I woke up in a hospital and was told that the guy who found me was a big stout sailor on shore leave named Andy McAllister. I begged my nurse if I could meet the man who brought me in, but she said he’d already gone. The nurse frowned as she checked my pulse. I felt weak and dizzy. The nurse told me to rest, but I was afraid I might not wake up. I could feel my life slipping away.

A few hours later a stocky dark haired guy dressed in white navy dress walked through the door. I knew immediately that he was my savior and began to cry. I called Andy over and he put his hand on my shoulder.

I grasped his hand and squeezed. “I had a dream this would happen.”

“What are you talking about?” he said, shaking his head.

“In a dream, my cousin told me a savior would find me and rescue me from certain death. She told me that I must sell you my farm.”

“I don’t know anything about a farm buddy,” he said.

“You’re my savior. My dad left me his farm and he’s too old to raise a crop. I’ve been thinking of selling it, but it is yours if you want it. Please. The land’s yours.”

Andy looked at me confused, “I can’t accept your gift. You were in trouble and I did what I could.” He took my hand and thanked me but said he could not accept my gift.

Then I noticed that he had an accent like mine. He said goodbye and walked towards the door. “My farm is in Nicholas County Kentucky,” I yelled out.

He turned and looked at me strangely. “What did you say?”  

“My farm, it is in Nicholas County Kentucky, not too far from Carlisle.”

“Wow, it’s a small world. I’m from Millersburg, in Bourbon County. The next county over. When I was a kid, I had a close friend tell me that I would buy a farm someday.”

“Then maybe you might want to buy my farm at a very cheap price.”

Andy scratched his head. “So how much would you be willing to sell it for?”

I smiled and said, “Hmmm What would you say to 50 thousand for a hundred and seventy four acre tobacco farm?”

“I’d say at that price you were getting ripped off.”

“You want to buy it?”

Andy smiled and said, “Yeah maybe, but I’d have to see it first.”

“Well when I get better I’ll take you there. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.” For some reason it felt as if I had met Andy before, yet I don’t recall ever meeting him. It was a deja vu moment. We exchanged addresses and vowed to keep in touch. He patted me on my shoulder wishing me well, then turned and was on his way.

Later my buddies showed up at the hospital and stood around my bedside. Bains told me they’d gone back to the Black Orchid asking people if they knew anything about the stabbing. Tully wanted to know what the guy looked like, but I lied and told him it happened too fast and I didn’t remember. They said that I was to be flown to an Army hospital in Tokyo and wished me a speedy recovery.

A nurse came by to give me drugs. She said that they had to leave. Tully held my hand, leaned over and whispered in my ear. “When the war’s over, you should come visit me. You can hang out with me and my buddies.”

They stood in the doorway and waved goodbye. It was the last time I ever saw them alive.  

I soon learned that the injury made me unfit for duty and that I would be discharged from the Army. I suppose in a way I was lucky because the injury kept me out of the war. In October 1968, a few months after my injury, they sent me back to the states. I had a slow painful recovery because the knife had nicked a nerve that controls the function of my left leg. I moved back home to live with my dad on the farm. I learned a few years later that almost everyone in my platoon never made it back from Vietnam. I was a broken man and lived in guilt for having outlived my buddies. I took to drinking and doing drugs with my best friend and neighbor, Daniel Watts.  We were both living on a disability from having been wounded in the war. I think Daniel was determined to kill himself and one day he just off and disappeared. I’d like to think that he’s happily married and living somewhere, but it’s unlikely. I lived with my dad on the farm for another seven years up until he died in 1977 from liver cancer. I was unable to take care of the farm due to drinking and depression, so I moved into a small apartment in Carlisle. The farm sat unused for over a year and I had many offers to sell the farm but I held off. I rented the farm out to my cousin, George and his wife for a few years. His wife ,Carol, claimed to be spooked by the place. They had a young teenage boy named Steve who claimed to see a ghost near the barn. I lived there as a kid and never once saw any ghosts. I guess things got too weird and they up and left, moved to Florida back in the fall of 84. The old place stayed abandoned again. 

Then one June day in 1985 a man showed up at my door. I was passed out on my couch. The smell of booze and cigarettes lingered in the air. Piles of dishes in the sink. I managed to stumble to the door. I opened the door and said, “Yeah, what do you want?”

The man was stocky with a thick stubble of beard and thick dark hair. He looked me over and said, “I’m looking for a man named Darren Thomas. I was told he might live here.”

“Yeah, you were told right. That would be me, so what do you want?” I said a bit gruffly.

I’m so sorry to bother you, Darren, but my name’s Andy McAllister. I’m not sure if you remember me, but I met you in Bangkok years ago.”

Tears welling up in my eyes. “Oh my god yes! Andy…I remember you. You saved my life.” I reached out and shook his hand. “Please forgive this mess. I haven’t been so well since I got home.”  

“I remember all those years ago you offered to sell me a farm, would you happen to still have that farm for sale?”  

“Yes, people made lots of offers to buy it, but I held out thinking that maybe you would show up here someday.  What was the price I offered to sell it to you for?”

“You said at the time 50 thousand dollars.”

“If that is the price I said, then that is the price I will sell it to you for. I’m good to my word.”

“You think we can go look at the farm?” said Andy.  

“Yeah, but right now I’m not feeling so well.”

“You know what Darren, if you don’t mind, I want to help you clean your apartment and get you spiffed up some. Looks like you’ve been having a hard time here.”

I felt ashamed. “Andy you don’t need to help me, I’m just a drunk and ain’t done shit with my life.”

“Well if you let me, maybe I can help you change that.”

Andy stayed for two days cleaning my apartment. He got me cleaned up and bought me some new clothes. I got in his truck and he drove us to the farm as I gave directions. We stopped at the gate and unlocked the padlock. The weeds had grown so big that the gate was almost buried. As we rode down the rocky driveway I saw the old white house still standing just as I had left it. The grass in the field grew over my waist and small little saplings were springing up everywhere. “I know I’ve let the place go, but it really is a great piece of land.” We got out of his truck and looked around. We walked through the old house upstairs and down and then came back through the front door and stood on the front porch. I felt a bit ashamed of letting the farm go to waste as I did.

Andy looked off towards the barn and the woods smiled and breathed a heavy sigh, “I love this place Darren. I want to buy it.”

“Good, for some reason I knew this farm was supposed to be yours someday.”

We sat down on the porch and I told Andy the story of my life and the history of the farm as I knew it. He drove me home and said that after he buys the farm he still wants to keep in touch with me to see that I’m doing okay. He even offered to let me stay with him on the farm, but being the proud and stubborn man that I was, I said I would think about it.  After he left, I felt a sense of relief as if a burden had been lifted.

The very next week, Andy and a tall black man showed up at my door. He introduced himself as Andy’s navy buddy Joe Riggs. They took out a loan together and paid me fifty thousand bucks. My first impulse was to go out and get drunk, but I stopped myself.

“Andy, this is more money than I’d ever seen in my life. I can’t handle money. I drink it away as fast as I get it. I don’t want to wind up dying as an old drunk like my dad. I was wondering if you could hold on to it for me. Maybe once I get back on my feet and find a way to stop drinking I can handle things better. You were the first person to care for me in a long time. I ain’t got no family,” I said, getting choked up and teary eyed.

“Darren, come live with us on the farm. We’ll get you all fixed up and when you’re better, you can decide what you want to do,” said Andy.

“You should come. You’ll like my cooking. I’m studying to be a chef,” said Joe.

I moved back to the farm and lived with Andy and Joe for nearly a year and a half. I knew that they were homosexuals, but it didn’t matter much to me. I saw that sorta stuff in the army. It was something we didn’t talk much about. If you saw either one of them on the street, you wouldn’t know either one of them was homosexual, but Andy and Joe didn’t try to hide it.

After they helped me get clean and sober, I found a part time job as a janitor. I decided to get an apartment in Lexington to be closer to the Veterans hospital and so I could attend AA meetings. Andy and Joe would come to visit at least once or twice a month, or invite me over for dinner. This continued on for years up until Joe’s death. After Joe’s death the visits became less often and we drifted apart. I hear tell that he’s living like a hermit. I’d go out to see him if I had  a car.  But things ain’t all bad. No sir, I made a few good friends with a couple of the men from the AA meetings. We have a good old time getting together for card games on the weekends. I even got me a little dog named Elmo who means the world to me. What more can a man ask for?

                   Wednesday March 14 2001

I dreamt of my cousin Cassandra again. Last I heard she was living in a nursing home in Chicago. Back in the day we used to play together as kids up until she got sick with some brain fever that left her in a coma. In the dream she was awake and beautiful leading me along a path through the woods that ended at the doors of the Veteran’s Hospital. She said there was someone I needed to meet there. It was so odd yet it felt important.

My bum leg was killing me and I needed to see my doctor to get a refill on my pain medication. I planned to meet my friend Donnie in the park. He said he’d watch Elmo for me that morning. He followed me to the veteran’s hospital and sat outside while I went to my appointment. The waiting room was packed. I knew there’d be a long wait. I got a kick out of chatting up two of the young soldiers. They liked hearing my stories, but to them I’m just an old man living in the past telling the same worn out tales over and over just to hear myself talk.

I started talking to this black dude in a wheel chair who lost his legs in a helicopter crash in Cambodia. He said he went to Camp Lejeune for boot camp. Apparently we had some of the same drill instructors. As we were laughing, I noticed a stocky 30 something man walking in the door. He looked oddly familiar. After getting his paperwork he took a seat next to me.

“Hey man, what branch of the military are you?” I said.

“Army guy here,” he said. I could tell he really didn’t want to talk, but I was curious. He looked too familiar. I asked him a few more questions, but the guy was annoyed with me. I just smiled and sighed.

The receptionist called out a name. An ancient man jerked his head up like he’d been shot and slowly rose from his chair like a ghost. I bent towards the younger man beside me, touched his arm and whispered, “Damn, I wonder which world war he was in?” thinking it would be funny. But something happened. An electric shock, confusion and suddenly I was surprised to be looking at myself, both of us engulfed in a bright flash of light.

I wasn’t sure what just happened, but it felt like I’d seen something that I wasn’t meant to see. Like looking at another version of myself in a mirror or reading someone’s diary without their permission. Darrin, was this guy’s name and he kept repeating the same story over and over for years, yet all he thinks about are other things as he talks. He does it because it’s all he has left. I felt sorry for him, but worse, I hated how he saw me. I was being a dick by dismissing him just because of the way he looked. It was an ugly trait about myself I had not been aware of before and it made me cringe.  I felt searing pain again and squinted hard rubbing my temples. Darrin kept rambling on for a few seconds more until he actually looked at me.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” he said squinting.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said, but somehow I knew this was the man that sold Uncle Andy the farm.

“You okay dude?” he said, opening one eye wider than the other.

“I’ve had this bad headache since yesterday, sorry if I’ve been acting all rude,” I said.

“No problem, you gonna be alright?”

“Yeah, I guess if I ever get to see the doctor. Maybe he can tell me what’s wrong or give me some good pain pills.”

“I hear you man. I’ve been here about forty minutes already. I hurt my leg a while back and it ain’t never healed right. I just want the pain medicine.”

I sat back in the chair as Darrin stared at the floor wringing his hands. He sat in silence now. He knew I wasn’t in the mood to chat.

A few minutes passed and the thickly built guy on crutches was called to the desk and his very pregnant wife struggled to walk along beside him. I couldn’t help but stare. I love a guy with a thick build and big muscular ass completely filling out his blue jeans. Darrin saw me looking and he assumed I was staring at the pregnant girlfriend.

He leaned over and said, “She’s about to pop at any time.”

I nodded in agreement. I imagined the guy naked, passionately humping her and filling her with his seed. How lucky she must be to have that guy on top of her. I closed my eyes and sat back in the chair.

A while later as I sat with my eyes closed I heard the receptionist say,  “Darrin …Darrin Thomas. The doctor will see you now.”

I opened my eyes and watched Darrin limping towards the door. How could I know this? I just had a vision of a man’s life as if it were my own. I sat there nearly forty five minutes and was browsing a Natural Geographic magazine when my name was called.

“Oh, sorry Ma’am right here.”

“Go through the double doors and take a quick right. The doctor will see you now,” she said, looking a bit annoyed.

I got up and walked towards the doors. I felt nervous as I pushed the doors open and walked down a short hall. A very tall heavy set man in his fifties extended his big meaty sweaty hand for me to shake and spoke in a gravelly voice,

“Howdy young man, my name’s Dr Brick. Come on in and have a seat in the room to your left. I’ll be right in.”

He gripped my hand and squeezed, nearly crushing it. There was a crunching noise as I sat down on the table with white paper drawn across the top. The doctor walked in a short time later and had me strip down to my underwear. The guy looked to be a cross between big baby Huey and Shelly Winters. I placed my clothes neatly on the table besides me. I felt vulnerable being naked. He walked in and looked over my chart.

“So you think you fell and hurt your head? Did you fall or not? Tell me what happened.”

As I described the event, he leered at me in an uncomfortable way.

“That’s certainly a strange looking bruise on your hand. Looks like you fell on a nut. So you don’t remember falling or hitting your head?” he said, as he examined the top of my head.  He poked and prodded. “Doesn’t seem to be any signs of an injury. Where does it hurt?”

“There’s a dull throbbing pain all over, and at times the pain is quite sharp right between my eyes.”

“I suppose you could’ve fallen and gotten a concussion, but we won’t be able to tell until I do some tests. I’d like to have an MRI done to see if there’s been any kind of trauma to your brain.” His big meaty sweaty hands groped and felt me up. I was getting a creepy feeling from him.

“So are you from around here?” he said

“Yeah, I was born in Paris, just over in Bourbon County. I just moved back here a few weeks ago. My uncle left me his farm.”

He put the cold bell of the stethoscope to my back.

“Okay, breathe deep.. and out, again. Sounds great. So you’re going to be a farmer now?” he said, as his hands fondled my back.

”I’m thinking about it,” I said gritting my teeth. My voice squeaked a little.  “My pappaw lived on a small farm and I worked in tobacco a little, but don’t really know much about running a farm,” I said, recoiling from his touch.

“I guess you’ll find out soon enough then,” he said as he put a blood pressure cuff around my right arm. He pumped it up to where I felt the blood back up in my arm. “I have a couple of acres, but my wife only raises tomatoes and peppers in the summer. That’s as close to farming as we get,” he chuckled. He released the air from the cuff and I felt the blood going back into my arm. “Wow, a hundred over sixty. That’s great. You must get plenty of exercise. Looks like you work out too. What branch of the service were you in?” he said, looking me up and down. I turned my head towards the window. I didn’t want to let on that I caught him leering at me.

“I was a 60 gunner, bravo company 101 airborne,” I said.  

“Oh yeah, you need to be big and strong to carry that. Okay, now I want you to stand up, turn your head to the side and cough,” he said.

“Do I really need to do this?” I said, feeling indignant.

“Now who’s the doctor here, me or you?” he said, raising his voice. I stood up, turned my head, and felt his big sausage like fingers probing my groin area. “Cough.” I coughed and he groped,“All good.”  

“Can we hurry this up Doc? My head’s killing me. I just need something to make the pain go away and I certainly don’t feel like barfing up all over your nice clean floor,” I said, trying to stop his fondling. I was afraid next he might want to do a prostate exam. I think that did the trick because he suddenly looked a bit more serious.

“Oh yeah? Nausea’s one of the symptoms of head trauma. Let’s check your eyes and ears. Umm hmmm… yeah uhhh hmm interesting,” he said.

“What’s interesting?” I asked, now feeling worried.

“Oh, nothing bad, it’s just that for someone your age I would normally be seeing small signs of aging, but your pupils can get quite big and apparently no normal eye damage for someone your age.”

The doctor looked me over from head to toe. Checked my pulse and listened to my lungs and heart.  

“I’d like to have you scanned on an MRI just to rule out some sort of trauma and get some blood work done. Just from looking at you, you seem healthy as a horse. Do you have a history of heart disease or cancers? Has anyone else in your family had epilepsy, strokes, high blood pressure?” he said.

“Well my dad does have high blood pressure. I had an uncle on my mom’s side of the family that had lung cancer.”

The doctor walked over to the shelves and brought back a syringe and some vials and put a rubber band tourniquet around my arm to get some blood. He told me to put my clothes back on and then led me down the hallway. He told me to have a seat in the waiting room and another hour later a young woman led me to a room with a huge donut shaped machine inside.

“Howdy Mr McCallister, My name’s Tina and I want you to take off all jewelry, your wallet and all metal items you might have on you,”  She then went on to ask about dental fillings, and injuries that might have required metal pins or screws put inside my body. She was a tall thin young black woman who seemed very sweet. “Now Mr McCallister I want you to lie perfectly still, okay? You can’t move a muscle, talk or cough the entire time you are in here. You understand? Because if you do we might have to start the entire thing all over and you wouldn’t like that.”

I felt claustrophobic.  After an eternity of sitting motionless and hearing a loud roar, Tina turned the machine off and said, “You did good and it’s all over. Hopefully you won’t have to go through that again honey.” As I left, I was told that I could get the results as early as the next day. If they found something wrong they could have me come back for more tests.

I went back to Dr Brick’s office and he told me to take some Tylenol, go home, get rest and take it easy until we learn more. He put his arm around my shoulder. “Do you have anyone that can keep an eye on you?”

“No, I live alone, why?”

“A nice looking guy like you and no girlfriend? “Tskk tskk,” he said, smiling and shaking his head.  “Well if you notice any changes, don’t hesitate and come back. Head injuries can be serious.”

I thanked him and rushed back towards the waiting room. I felt uneasy towards his flirtation. The waiting room was still packed and everyone looked up as I headed towards  the exit. As I walked back to my truck, I saw Darren on the sidewalk wearing a backpack. He slowly limped towards the road with a familiar looking older guy who also appeared to be homeless. A little short black haired terrier with a greying muzzle barked at a squirrel and yanked at it’s leash held by Darren. He called the dog over, bent down and patted his head. “Good dog Elmo! good dog!”

As I was driving home, I saw a sign for an animal shelter. Seeing Darren with his dog got me to thinking about getting one of my own.  I turned and followed the sign towards the shelter. It was easy enough to find. I parked my truck and walked in the door. It was a small office with an older blond woman sitting at the desk. She looked up from the magazine she was reading and smiled.

“Yes may I help you?”  

“Uhh yeah, I was kinda wanting to see about adopting a dog.”

“Sure thing. We have lots of people who come through here wanting to get a dog or cat for their kids, only to have the animal show back up because they weren’t prepared to spend the time, effort and money to properly care for an animal.”

“Well I’ve always wanted a dog. I couldn’t have one in the past because I never lived in a place that allowed dogs, but now I have a farm with plenty of land and lots of time to spend with a dog. I think a dog might make a good companion for me.”

“Well come on back. We have plenty of dogs here that desperately want a home. Most people who come here want a puppy which is fine, but don’t pass up the older dogs, they can be just as sweet and loving as any of the puppies.”  

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” I said passing through the double doors that led into the holding room. Some of the dogs I passed looked scared. One small terrier started yapping loudly and jumping, then put its tail between its legs and cowered in the back of its cage and growled. The barking became contagious. Some looked aggressive, while others barely noticed that I was there and merely looked up. But then there was this sweet looking black and reddish lab shepherd mix who sat perfectly still, wagging its tail and looking straight into my eyes with a lovable smile. The tag said it was a male named Buddy and that he was almost a year old. I approached the cage and said, “How are you Buddy? He walked to the front of the cage and licked my hand. “You’re a  sweet dog.” I walked back out to the front desk to ask about the dog.

“Oh you mean Buddy? He’s a sweetie. One of the best behaved dogs here. The family that owned him had to move and weren’t allowed to have a dog in their new home.”

“So how come no one’s claimed him yet?” I asked.

“Well, as I’ve told you before, most people don’t want an older dog, they want a puppy. Buddy’s technically still a puppy though, the sign says he’s not even a year old. He’s already as big as he’s going to get and people for the most part want little cute puppies. That’s the sad fact. We try to get the older dogs adopted, but for the most part, it just doesn’t happen,” she said.

“Well, I’d like to adopt Buddy today if I can. He’s just too sweet to pass up.” She smiled and told me she would get me set up to adopt. I filled out the required paperwork and paid the small fee. She led me into the back room and we opened his cage. He was so excited and so was I. “Hey Buddy, you want to come home with me?” His tail was wagging and he licked my hand. “I guess that’s a yes.”