A few days had passed and doctor Conway thought I was well enough to be discharged from the hospital. My dad decided to stay with me in my apartment for a few more weeks to help in my recovery. It was a strange experience having him as a roommate. As a child growing up, my dad was an authoritative figure. He would talk to us at dinner, or on family drives in the country, but it was mostly along with my mom. As I recall, the chats were of a more general nature, like, how was school today? or Do you have homework? It never got too personal. I do remember a few times when Dad took my brother Jimmy and me out in the field to play catch, or on a fishing trip. Jimmy was a natural athlete and I suspected that Dad loved him more than me. I liked sports, but just wasn’t naturally gifted at it like Jimmy was, and had to work a bit harder. Our conversations focused on Jimmy and his future as an athlete. I was jealous of the relationship between him and my dad, but it was hard to stay mad at Jimmy since he was my best friend and would do anything for me. After Jimmy drowned, it was hard living in that house with my parents. I’d lost my best friend and my parent’s attention was focused on arguing with each other. Dad blamed mom for not watching us close enough and I became the invisible boy. It wasn’t until that stupid engagement that my parents took notice of me. But it wasn’t about me or what I wanted, I think my marriage was their dream of having grandchildren. Something to fill the void left by Jimmy’s death. I only played along because I loved the attention they showed me after the engagement.

Living in my apartment with my dad was like meeting a stranger for the first time and learning all about an entirely different person.  One day Dad was watching some movie as I sat in the kitchen reading the paper.

Dad yelled out, “Hey Travis, this movie’s really fun. You should check it out.”

“So what’s the name of it?” I asked.

“Not sure, let me check.”

I was coming in from the kitchen on my crutches and was getting ready to sit down on the couch next to Dad.

“It is called, No Way Out,” he said.  

“Oh yeah, I love that movie. Kevin Costner’s so hot.”

Dad looked at me oddly. I noticed his discomfort when I said that. “Sorry, was that weird?”

“Yeah, it caught me off guard. I’m not used to a guy saying something like that about another man. If a guy said something like that in public back when I was growing up, he could find himself beaten or worse.”

“Dad, that stuff still happens today. I’m not exactly out of the closet to everyone. I still fear what could happen to me if I let my guard down around the wrong people.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t say things like that at all.”

I turned and furrowed my eyebrows. “Okay Dad, it’s one thing to watch what I say to strangers, but when I’m in my own house or around friends and family, I’m not going to pretend to be straight just to please y’all. I’m tired of telling lies all the time. Dad, when I’m at work, I’d rather not discuss my personal life at all, but when someone finds out I’m single, people tend to make it their business to hook me up with some woman. I hate coming out to people, but sometimes it’s the only way to get them to stop trying to play matchmaker and putting me in uncomfortable situations. I hope you understand what I’m saying.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to get you all riled up.”

“Uhmmm, its okay,” I groaned. At that moment a devilish idea crept into my head. “So Dad…Now that Mom’s gone, tell me what type of woman turns you on?”

He looked shocked when I said that and adjusted his glasses. “Well, your mom of course.”

“No, I mean like actresses or types of women that turn you on.”

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable talking about stuff like that,” he said fumbling with the TV guide.

“Why not? I really never knew much about you growing up other than you were my dad. What were you like as a kid? What did you want to be when you grew up?”

He sat back on the couch watching the movie. I guess he didn’t want to talk. A few minutes later he uttered, “Marilyn Monroe.”

“What did you say?”  

“Marilyn Monroe. When I was a teenager I sorta had a crush on her.”

I turned and smiled. “Way to go Dad. Tell me more.”

“Maybe I will after the movie.”

The next day I was sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy with Dad. It was a show we both enjoyed watching.

“What’s up with TV this week? Everything seems to be a rerun.” I grumbled.

“What do you mean, Travis?”

“Like Jeopardy tonight. I’ve seen this one before.”

“No, this is a new one.”

“I’m telling you Dad I saw this one. I recognize that tall dude with the glasses. I remember thinking he was kinda cute. Him and that snooty fat lady go against each other in final Jeopardy and he beats her in the category of British Monarchs. I thought it was so funny he beat her because she was British.”

Dad argued that I must be mistaken because he watches Jeopardy religiously. At the end in final Jeopardy, sure enough the tall guy squared off with the British woman and the category was, British Monarchs.

Dad turned to me with his mouth open. “Damned, I would have bet you a hundred bucks that you were wrong Travis. I can’t believe this is a rerun.”  

On Thursday night on the 22 of March I was lying on the couch and Dad was looking for something to watch on TV. He turned to CBS and asked if I minded if he watch Survivor.

“Oh where are they filming from this time?” I said excitedly.

“I think they’re in Australia.”

“Nah, that was last year. I remember it came down to Colby and Tina.”

My dad was stunned. “Travis, I know for certain that Survivor is in Australia this year. We’re only halfway through season two. You can’t possibly know who won.”

“Dad, I distinctly remember watching this show. I can’t explain how I remember it, I just do.”

The deja vu moments seemed to happen more frequently. The possibility that I’d lived all this before started to scare me. I tried to recall exactly what I was doing on this date a year ago. I remember that in March I went to the woods and had that supernatural encounter. I got Buddy in March and then a horrible feeling crept over me. Buddy’s in the pound, and they don’t keep dogs over five days before they’re killed. I felt sick at my stomach.

“Dad, when my leg heals, I want to go to Kentucky.”

He looked over at me oddly. “Why do you want to go to Kentucky? Do you miss it?”

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but I’ve got a nagging feeling that I’ve lived this year before. I need to know for sure if these people who were in my dreams are real or not. In the dream I got a great dog at the pound, but I’m afraid that since I’m not there to adopt him, he might have been put down. I’m scared that I’m losing my mind.”

I tried to fight back tears. Dad came over to the couch and put his arm around me. I leaned into his chest and sobbed.

It was around 10:30 on a Saturday morning and I heard a knocking on my door. I tried to put some short pants on over my cast. It had been itching something terrible. I had a good two or three weeks left before I could have it taken off. I grabbed a shirt and hopped for my crutches.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!”

I was putting on my shirt when I opened the door. “Wow, Dave, Linda! Come in. Please excuse me but this place is a bit messy.”

Linda smiled with a casserole dish cradled in her arms. “Linda made some tuna casserole for you guys,” said Dave.

“Yes, my own special recipe,” said Linda smiling. So where’s your dad?”

“Oh he got up way early to play a round of golf. That’s one thing that we don’t have in common. I’d rather watch my clothes dry.”

“We’re not golf fans either,” said Dave.

“The reason we came by is because Dave told me that you loved to go to yard sales. We love them also and wondered if you’d like to tag along,” said Linda. “I like finding old vintage clothing such as dresses, hats, corsets, stuff like that. Dave likes old vinyl records.”

“Not just any records,” Dave said. “I’m looking for Cat Stevens records. Ever since I saw the movie Harold and Maude, I’ve been wanting more of his music.”

“Here, let me put on some warmer clothes. Do you think there’ll be many yard sales this time of year. The snow just melted a couple of weeks ago,” I said looking out the window.

“Yeah, surprisingly enough people have yard sales as soon as the snow melts, even on cool sunny days like today,” Linda said walking towards the kitchen.

“I’m going to put this casserole in your fridge Travis.”

I got dressed and they helped me to the car. As we got buckled in, Linda said, “Dave aren’t you going to tell Travis your news?”

“Oh yeah, well Travis since you’ve been gone, things got a bit hectic at work. You were really missed because you are such a hard worker. We all had to work longer to catch up, but Scott didn’t show up on some days and on the one day he did work he was caught by the main boss sleeping in the break room. He got fired on the spot. We got some other temp workers to help out, but they were terrible. I guess they finally noticed that we were good workers and they decided to hire me yesterday. Craig told me that he would hire you also once you got back to work. Isn’t that great?”

“Yeah that’s wonderful. You deserve to be hired Dave.”

“Thanks, I thought you would like the part about Scott. He seemed like a nice kid, he just didn’t like working so much. I think Craig got into trouble with the main boss over Scott. Craig’s been a bit quiet lately.”

“Well I’m glad it’s better for you now,” I said. As I thought about the job, I really didn’t think I wanted to go back there, but I wasn’t about to tell Dave.

We drove around the various neighborhoods. I noticed that there were patches of snow still hanging on. The sun was shining and the temperature had risen into the upper 40s. Linda saw a sign that pointed to a rummage sale being held in a church basement.

“Oh let’s check that out!” she said all giddy.

Dave pulled into the parking lot behind the Irving Park Presbyterian Church. It was a big brick building in a residential neighborhood. We got out of Dave’s car and walked across the street to a side double door that led to the basement. We were greeted by a big sign that said “Welcome neighbors. Garage sale downstairs.” Tables of goods filled the basement. There seemed to be a large number of people selling anything from clothing, furniture, records, toys, knick knacks, electronics and tools. Dave and I walked over to check out the records while Linda started to check out women’s clothing. I was standing beside Dave looking at an old Led Zeppelin album cover, Houses of the Holy, seeing how beautiful it was and realizing how album covers were becoming a lost art. I looked up after hearing a familiar voice and to my shock I saw Jason, my ex boyfriend standing near a rack of men’s dress pants with a young thin boyish man with spiky blonde hair who was giggling at something he saw. I suddenly turned away so that they wouldn’t see my face.

Dave noticed that I was acting strangely. “What’s up, Travis?”

I put my finger up to my mouth, “Shhhh, My ex boyfriend’s here and I don’t want him to see me.”

Dave’s eyes got big and he started to look around.

“Don’t look around. He’s the dark haired guy in the red shirt standing next to the skinny blonde kid.”

“Well I hate to tell you this, but they’re walking this way.”

I sighed and took a big breath. I turned around and saw them standing in front of me.

“Travis, I thought that was you. Wow, What happened to you?” Jason said.

“I was in a car accident. Some drunk driver ran into me almost a month ago.”

“Oh my god! I’m sorry Travis. Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m much better than I was, I broke my leg and had a bad concussion…”

“Why didn’t you tell me Travis? Didn’t you think I might want to know?” said Jason.

“He couldn’t, he was in a coma for two weeks and almost died,” Dave interrupted.

“That’s right. I was pretty much out of it. Jason, this is my friend Dave from work, and Dave this is my ex boyfriend Jason and I don’t think I’ve met you,” I said.

“Nice to meet you Dave. This is Gabriel. We’ve been dating for a few weeks,” said Jason.

Gabriel smiled and shook our hands meekly. “My pleasure to meet you.”

“Well how are you doing now Travis? A coma sounds pretty serious,” said Jason.

“My doctor thinks I’ll be fine now. I guess at the time they didn’t know if I’d wake up.”

“Well it’s nice to see you Travis and nice meeting you Dave. We’re going to head off. Gabriel’s been looking for a certain kind of jeans.”

“They are called Capris, the legs come down to your calves,” Gabriel said demonstrating.

“Oh, you mean high waters? That’s what we called pants that were too short back in Kentucky,” I said.

“Oh your friend’s so funny Jason,” Gabriel said smiling and rolling his eyes. “Later guys.”

As they walked off Dave looked over and said, “So that was your ex boyfriend. How long were you guys together?”

“He was living with me nearly six months before he decided to move out.”

“So what happened that made him want to leave you?”  

“I don’t think he was happy with me. He hated that I was in the closet and couldn’t deal with my depression. Things kinda blew up at New Years and we both said things that we couldn’t take back. He moved out on January 6th,” I said.

“You seem to have taken it pretty well today. Do you miss him?” said Dave.

“No, I thought I might, but I don’t. It feels like it happened so long ago, but it has only been a couple of months.”

Dave went back sorting through the old albums. An older fat woman who was selling records walked over and began talking to him. She showed him three Cat Stevens albums and he seemed quite happy. I hobbled over to where an older man was selling jeans. I stared at Jason and Gabriel as they walked out the door together. They seemed to be happy.

My mind was somewhere else as the old man asked, “Looks like you banged yourself up pretty good.”

“Uhh, yeah, I was in a car accident about a month ago.”

“Sorry to hear that. Anything here that might interest you?”

“Yeah, do you happen to have any Army fatigues? I used to have some, but my old pants don’t fit me anymore.”

“Sorry don’t have anything like that here, but I do have lots of jeans for sale.”

I started looking through the pile when I noticed a mannequin covered under a pile of shirts. It reminded me of Ben.

“Sir, is this for sale?”

He saw me looking at the mannequin and started to laugh. “Yeah, everything here is for sale. My son brought that thing home from college years and years ago and it’s been in my attic ever since.”

“How much you selling it for?”

“You give me 10 bucks and it is all yours. So what do you plan to do with one of those?” he asked.

“I thought I might dress it up for Halloween.”

“Yeah, that might made a good scarecrow. Can you hold on to it until I’m ready to leave?”  

“Sure, it’ll be safe here.”

I walked over to where Dave and Linda were standing. Linda held up some tiny pink wool booties.

“Aren’t these just the cutest things Travis?”

“Yeah they are. Are you expecting a girl?”

“It’s too soon to tell, but I think it would be nice to have a little girl.”

I looked at Dave as she said that and he rolled his eyes. I was guessing that this was some topic that he and Linda disagreed over.

“Dave told me that you saw your old boyfriend here. What was that like?” Linda said curiously.

“Very awkward actually. It caught me by surprise. I don’t think I miss him as much as I thought I would.”

“Was it a bad breakup?” She asked.

“Yeah, a little bit at the end.. He just said it wasn’t working for him. It’s hard to fight against something like that.”

“I’m sorry Travis,” said Dave.

“Don’t feel sorry for me. It is what it is.”

“Well did you find anything here Travis?” Linda said showing off a big old fashioned bonnet.

“Yeah, but it is too big for me to carry around. I plan to get it when we are ready to leave.”

“How big is this thing Travis? Will it fit in the car?”

“Yeah, it is kinda big  but it will come apart and it will fit.”

When they were ready to leave we walked over to where I bought the mannequin. The elderly man saw me coming and said, “I got it right here for you young man.”

Dave started to laugh. “That’s what you bought?”

“Yeah, it reminded me of a guy I used to know. I thought it might be fun for Halloween.”

“Yeah it would make a good scarecrow.” Dave said as he picked it up and carried it out the door for me.

That night Dad came back from his golf game and announced that he would be leaving for Phoenix Monday. He told me that I was always welcome to come and visit. I’d mentioned that I wanted to visit uncle Andy and then visit Kentucky.

On Monday, I went to the airport to see Dad off. We were sorta quiet on the drive there.  I didn’t want him to leave. Once boarding started, we said a quick goodbye and shook hands. As he was walking towards the ramp, he turned back towards me with tears in his eyes. He opened his arms and gave me great big hug.

“I almost lost you once Travis. I don’t want all those years to go by again without talking. Call me please. I love you Travis.”

“I love you too Dad.” I said whispering in his ear.  He smiled and I watched as he walked away down the ramp to the plane. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I ducked into the men’s restroom and sat down on the stall and covered my eyes.